* * *
This book would not have been written had it not been for the timely suggestion of my beautiful friend, Meredith. Thank you.
Thank you to my publisher Mary Rennie for believing in this project from the very beginning and championing it internally at HarperCollins. You inspire me to be a better writer and the end product is ours to share. Title? Cover? Magic.
If every author on the planet had an editor like Shannon Kelly, they would (like me) do their best to ensure he works on every one of their books, because his skill with words is breathtaking and he has an uncanny ability to know just what you meant when you originally wrote it. Thank you, Shannon. What are you doing in two years’ time?
Thank you Rebecca Sutherland for the beautifully observed proofread and spotting even the tiniest oversights, even diffusing (bath) bombs.
Chris Kunz, thank you for your fine-toothed eleventh-hour read when it really was ‘do’ or ‘die’.
When the cover of the book you’ve laboured over is finally revealed to you it’s a very nervous moment. How could it possibly live up to what is in your mind? Close this book now and take another look at the cover. I think it is utterly brilliant. Thank you, Christine Armstrong.
(Dame) Jane Tara, Cheryl Akle and the rest of the team at Better Reading – thank you for all you do to promote reading and books, especially those by Australian authors.
Thank you to my agent, Jane Novak, for your wisdom, support and, of course, for the laughter.
For my ‘manager’ (a title he’s self-designated), Jeff Ross, and your continual encouragement, patient listening (and re-listening) and occasional brilliant idea. Yes, the ending was yours.
To my wonderful friend Lisa Burston (Flaherty) whose own descent into decrepitude (okay, she turned fifty) was the inspiration behind much of the Twilight Waters content.
Just like the pergola, the fly screens and that Christmas he saved, my brother Grant’s early reading of the manuscript was heroic. Thanks ‘Martin’ – your input and its sensitive delivery are very much appreciated.
‘Thank You, Management’ was introduced to me by my brother Glen and its subtle humour spoke volumes. So, for that, thank you, Management. The character Gladys McTavish was originally created by Glen Alexander.
Angela Southwell – thank you for the title chat. It allowed me to delete the fifty or so I’d been playing around with.
Melanie Luque – yup, you were right about that chair. Big, big love to you.
I outsourced the raising of my kids to a pair of lesbians in a different state and have decided to hand over Mum and Dad for the last, really tricky part too. No flies on me. So, may the laughter get us all to December 2025, when I’ve pre-booked Mum’s one-way ticket to Canada so she can live out her days with Glen and James, and have given notice for the tenant in Grant and Bec’s granny flat so that Dad can move into it. I rub my hands together evilly.
In the meantime, give me every single frustration, every second of feeling fed-up, every repeated story, all the grunts of old age . . . every beautiful magical irrational annoying hilarious all-too familiar second of sharing my parents’ third act with them. I’ll take them all.
About the Author
If he’s not kissing his pig or brushing his goats, you’ll generally find Todd Alexander at the computer writing, on the mower thinking, in the kitchen experimenting, or in the foetal position trying to solve his parents’ latest technological drama. Todd’s bestselling comedic memoir, Thirty Thousand Bottles of Wine and a Pig Called Helga (2019) was longlisted for three awards for best non-fiction book of the year. It was followed in 2021 by another comedy, You’ve Got to be Kidding. His short story, ‘The Great Easter Let Down’ was longlisted for the Newcastle Short Story Award in 2021. Todd has also written two novels and feature stories for Nourish Magazine and The Guardian. He lives in the Hunter Valley with his partner, Jeff, where they rescue farm animals and renovate properties.
Find Todd at
toddalexander.com.au
and @toddalexanderwriter
on Instagram and Facebook
Copyright
HarperCollinsPublishers
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HarperCollins acknowledges the Traditional Custodians of the land upon which we live and work, and pays respect to Elders past and present.
First published in Australia in 2023
by HarperCollinsPublishers Australia Pty Limited
Gadigal Country
Level 13, 201 Elizabeth Street, Sydney NSW 2000
ABN 36 009 913 517
Copyright © Todd Alexander 2023
The right of Todd Alexander to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the Copyright Amendment (Moral Rights) Act 2000.
This work is copyright. Apart from any use as permitted under the Copyright Act 1968, no part may be reproduced, copied, scanned, stored in a retrieval system, recorded, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
ISBN 978 1 4607 6225 7 (paperback)
