‘I’m not sure I have the time to carry on.’ I was fully in whinge mode, but I didn’t care. ‘I feel like I well and truly gave it a go. The work lot can shove it. Penny is not the problem here. The men are.’ I finished my glass of wine. ‘More please.’
Isla dutifully topped me up, abandoning the mat to come and sit on my other side to create an Isla-Penny-Maeve sandwich, squeezed on their second-hand sofa. ‘You know, if dating was easy then everyone would be coupled up from the off. It just takes one to sweep you off your feet.’
I wrinkled my nose and Maeve intercepted. ‘The day Pen gets swept off her feet, I will go naked to a hot yoga class. We’ll settle for someone who makes you laugh, as a starting point.’
‘Yes, but how am I meant to know if I’m laughing because they’re funny, or because I’m a hoot?’
Both of them rolled their eyes and fell back laughing.
‘See?’
‘Okay, okay, pass it here.’ Maeve held her hand out for my phone. ‘I’m going in. Match five, here we go.’
I passed it over. ‘If you could also write out my “no thanks” text to Sayanm, I’d much appreciate it.’
She rolled her eyes. ‘On it – I’m a master of the gentle let-down. Are you this hands-off at work? I’m surprised Rory puts up with it.’
Rory was out with Joe and some other lads tonight, trying an all-you-can-eat pizza place in the middle of Soho and probably psyching Joe up for the proposal. Everyone was in pre-party mode – the only one of us who was not aware that we’d all be drinking champagne at the pub on Sunday was the bride herself. Adrian had cancelled last minute because of some work stuff that he was needed for in Hull, and whilst Maeve hadn’t made a big deal of it, I could tell she’d been in dire need of a girl’s night.
‘Obviously, I am not like this at work. Although this is starting to feel like a second job. Do you have any carbs lying around, Isla?’
‘Didn’t you just eat a burger? With pickles?’ Isla was getting up, used to my appetite.
‘I did, but that was a whole hour and a half ago. I need comfort carbs now.’
She pulled a bag of tortilla chips out of the cupboard along with some salsa and guac. ‘I always do our regular food shop, and then an extra shop to satiate you and Ror. He came around the other day and polished off a whole box of eclairs.’
Maeve and I gasped at the same time.
Isla realised what she’d said. ‘Okay but you can’t tell Caroline. I didn’t have time to wait in her queue! I told you, I need emergency rations at the ready with you two. You’re like a Dyson!’
There were very few things Mum was strict on, but betraying Fondant & Flour was one of them.
‘If you hotfoot it over here with those chips and dip, I might consider my silence bought.’
I shovelled a few stress mouthfuls in before Maeve interrupted, killing my appetite.
‘Oh, look, Isaac messaged back in under a minute.’
‘Promising.’ Isla nodded.
‘Do I really want a man who is glued to his phone?’
Isla shoved me. ‘I’ve seen you playing Candy Crush when you don’t think we’re looking.’
All three of us leaned in to read the conversation.
Me: Hiya. How are you doing?
‘Hiya?’ I looked at Maeve, appalled. ‘Really?’
She flipped me the finger.
Isaac: Hey. Weirdly enough, I was just about to message you.
I didn’t call bullshit out loud, just registered it internally. Maeve started typing.
Me: Not sure if I believe that, but I can work with it. So Isaac, what do you do?
I nudged Maeve. ‘Fair play. You channelled your inner Penny.’
‘This isn’t my first rodeo. Ooh look, three dots already.’
Isaac: Chemistry teacher at a high school. I literally work in chemistry. How much of a catch does that make me?
I snorted involuntarily. Not bad Isaac, not bad.
‘Okay, I think I can take it from here.’ I snatched the phone back, not wanting Isla to jump in with a crude joke.
I saw them exchange a look behind my head.
‘Just because I’m sending a message, it does not mean you can start planning my wedding.’ I left out that in a matter of days, wedding planning would begin regardless. And it wouldn’t be for me.
Me: I’ll be the judge of that. If you talk about Bunsen burners the whole time, it might kill the spark.
Isla groaned. ‘This girl is beyond help, Maeve. Want to see who can get the best score on ‘Left Outside Alone’?’
She was already on her feet, heading towards the dance mat.
