āDo I look like Iām joking? Why would you even think that?ā
āBecause what you wantā¦ā The pause is infinitesimal but itās enough. Tell me what you want. He murmured it over and over in my ear, followed up with filthy suggestions. āā¦is for me to do the gentlemanly thing and volunteer to go in there. These are custom-made brogues and a Brioni suit. You going to pay my dry-cleaning bill?ā
āI am more than capable of getting into the skip and some of us dressed appropriately. Who the hell wears a suit that needs dry cleaning to go on site?ā
āWeāre representing the company,ā he hisses at me. āAnd this is a straightforward case. We could be doing this in an office going over the financials. I dressed to look professional.ā
āAnd I didnāt?ā
He gives my skirt, with its flippy frill, a dismissive look. āYouāll do.ā
āAnd for the record, I donāt expect you to get in the skip just because youāre a man and Iām a poor weak female. So if you can quit whining for five minutes and give me a leg up, Iād be grateful.ā
He holds out his hands and I take great satisfaction in planting a soggy, ash-covered boot in the palm of his hand. āFor fuckās sake,ā he grumbles, āI donāt know why youāre bothering. We both know the clientās a lying sack of shit.ā With that he heaves me upwards with more testosterone-fuelled force than necessary and I tumble into the skip, my weight crashing through the pile of soggy empty boxes immediately beneath the surface layer of slithery plastic-packaged shirts. It takes me a while to wade through them and resurface, and when I finally emerge, I spot SeƱor Lopez scowling behind Tomās back. Itās obvious heās heard every word and is less than impressed with either of us.
Somehow, I think lunch is a goner.
Chapter Two TOM
Weāre on the same flight back, though thankfully not sitting next to each other. Iām not sure I can keep up the pretence of being unaffected by Lydia. My dick seems to have developed some Pavlovian dog response to her perfume. Every time I get a whiff of that floral citrus fragrance of hers, it twitches.
Even I realise that it might have been good manners to acknowledge we had sex once ⦠actually it was a lot more than once, but it was a one-time thing. What the hell do you say when youāre unexpectedly reunited and in a work situation? Hi, nice to see you again? rather than the first things that sprang to mind which were, one, It took me a while to walk straight after that weekend, how about you? and, two, Damn, fancy running into you when Iāve been doing my utmost to try and forget you.
It doesnāt help that Iām in a seriously shitty mood today. Maybe I took it out on her because that weekend had been so fucking glorious and terrifying. My actions were completely out of character during those forty-eight hours but at the same time so in tune with the guy Iād rather be. Free, uninhibited and a little bit wild. Truth is, I hate my job. Absolutely loathe the fucker. I never wanted to be in insurance, still donāt. Problem is, you do it for a while, to keep the peace, and then you get used to a salary. You rent a place, then you have rent payments and bills and youāre stuck.
So maybe I took it out on Little Miss Eager Beaver. No one likes a keen bean. Especially not one who plays by the book. Normally Iām pretty good at hiding my frustration but not today. And not with her. Sheās supposed to be an illusion, the perfect companion that clicked with another me, one thatās never existed outside that weekend. Now I have to face up to the fact that sheās a living, breathing person that I canāt just ignore, as well as the dissatisfaction of who I really am these days. I pull out my phone and open the email I received overnight. Youād have thought the words would be burnt into my brain Iāve read it so many times. I sigh, frustration and elation jostling with each other.
I throw myself back in my seat and hear a tut from behind. I canāt even skive off this afternoon as thereās no excuse for not going back to the office given our trip has been cut short. Lopez couldnāt get us to the airport fast enough. Probably wasnāt that professional to call him a lying sack of shit ā even it was true ā especially not when Iāve only just joined the company.
Itās fair to say I sulk for most of the flight back to London. Not my most attractive trait but hey, weāre all allowed an off day. Although I seem to have had a lot of them in recent months. Eleven months to be precise.
Rather awkwardly, Lydia and I go through passport control at the same time and end up walking together towards the Underground following the signs to the Piccadilly Line. I should have taken a cab.
Weāre standing waiting for the Tube when she nonchalantly asks while studying the advert opposite and not even looking at me, āHow long are you going to keep this up?ā
āKeep what up?ā Okay, so Iām being deliberately obtuse, but why canāt she leave it? It happened. Months ago. Eleven months ago.
āPretending that you donāt know me.ā
āI donāt know you,ā I say because if weāre being pedantic about these things. I donāt know know her. I donāt know her age, and before today I didnāt even know her surname, didnāt know what she did, where she lives or anything about her. I donāt know her heartās desires, her past, present or future.
Thereās a pause and I regret being such a dick but itās too late to backtrack.
To give her maximum credit, she doesnāt make a thing of it, which perversely makes me like her even more. I like that sheās no-nonsense, making it perfectly plain she thinks Iām a wanker in the way that she purses her lips and gives me a pitying smile.
āI take it youāre going back to the office,ā she says.
āMight as well. You going to write up the report?ā
āI think that would be best,ā she says, her voice clipped and disapproving. āGiven that I was the one actually investigating the claim.ā
I wince. Sheās right. She was doing the job I should have been doing. Despite being made to feel in the wrong, I kind of like that she knows who she is and isnāt going to compromise. Not that Iām going to show it.
āFill your boots. The financials speak for themselves.ā I sound like a petulant prick. Itās not her fault Iāve been offered my dream and canāt fund it, or that she makes me think of what a fake I am.
I sit opposite her on the Tube and covertly study her. Shoulder-length brunette hair, sensible suit. In fact, everything about her is sensible. Iām still not sure what made me move on her that night. I mean sheās pretty in a non-showy way, very understated. I usually prefer more out-there women, glamorous and glossy.
There was something about the dress she wore. Black. Silk. Severe at the front, unexpectedly sexy as hell at the back. I study the navy blue suit sheās wearing now. It looks expensive and plain apart from the feminine little flippy hem to the skirt. Sheās self-contained, like she knows her own worth, but under her clothes I know her body isā¦
I shut the thought down and try to concentrate on the rattle of the train hurtling through the dark tunnel. It was just sex. Good sex ⦠okay, amazing sex. I might even go as far as to say once-in-a-lifetime sex. At that moment I catch her eye and it all comes back. Blood starts to circulate where it shouldnāt and I put a brake on those thoughts and transfer them.
Email. Film. Offer.
This morning the email came. The one Iāve dreamed about for years. After months of discussion, Oswater Productions have green-lighted my screenplay, with ME, yes ME, as director ā this is a BFD. The biggest in my life, except I need to secure more funding to make the project happen and be able to give up my day job.
Maybe I could moonlight as a gigolo or an escort. The thought makes me scowl just as Lydia looks my way again. She stiffens, I can see it in the tightening of her jaw. She thinks my grimace is aimed at her. I look away, down at my phone, one hand rubbing against the faded fabric covering my seat. She unsettles me and I donāt know why. Is it because she was completely uninhibited that weekend and so was I and it scared the shit out of me?
When the train pulls into Green Park station, Iām even more grumpy than I was getting off the plane. I need to pull myself together and put on a good show. I ought to try and make a good impression at the new company.
My parents think itās fan-fucking-tastic that Iāve joined Bignall Harcourt Claims Assessors, although I suspect Dad pulled a few strings to get me the job ā even though I asked him specifically not to. He canāt help himself. I shouldnāt have let on Iād got an interview, except my sister Rosie announced over Sunday lunch sheād just had a promotion. Competitive much?
Mum and Dad are thrilled by the big fat salary increase ā Mum especially. She thinks itās a āpass goā to mortgage, matrimony and multiple babies, which apparently I owe her. The idea fills me with terror.
I follow Lydia out of the carriage and into the throng of people. She doesnāt even look back at me, just strides ahead, weaving her way through the crowd with the navigational ease of an Exocet missile.
Iām in a halfway house of indecision. Weāre both going the same way, to the same place ā it feels churlish not to talk and I donāt feel like apologising or explaining but manners ā thanks, Mum and Dad, youāll be proud ā get the better of me.
āHey.ā I stop and tug at her arm at the top of the escalator. āLook, Iām not in the best mood today, right. I donāt always behave like this.ā
