“Because I wasn’t beautiful and exciting like all the other women you partied with?”
“You were both beautiful and exciting. But I didn’t like having anyone relying on me for anything. And the way you looked at me...” He sighed. “Things were happening to me that I didn’t like.”
“Things?” she echoed, half afraid of what he might tell her. She’d mostly succeeded at never reading between the lines with Christian, knowing that way led to madness. But then he’d never been particularly vague. Voice light, she prompted, “What sort of things?”
A fissure formed in his granite expression. “Feelings.”
“I can see why that upset you.” She couldn’t resist some faint mockery. It helped hide the pain his words caused.
Why had caring about her been something he’d been so unhappy about? At the time, she would have been thrilled beyond belief to think that she’d meant something more to him than just a tranquil pit stop in his eventful social life.
“I knew from the first that I wasn’t good for you.” He caressed her cheek with his knuckles. “Instead of taking your talent to Paris or London, you stayed in your tiny Carone flat, working for a man who claimed your designs as his own. Being with me kept you stuck. That’s why I encouraged you to send off your résumé and portfolio.”
“It wasn’t your fault that I was afraid.” Of taking a chance with her career and finding out she couldn’t compete. Of losing the man she loved. “I just wasn’t ready to leave Sherdana.”
“But once you thought we’d broken up, you jumped at the chance to interview for a position at Matteo Pizarro.”
“That’s not fair. When I thought you’d chosen Talia, I knew I had to get away from Sherdana.” It wasn’t until she’d settled in Paris months later and discovered Christian and Talia weren’t together that Noelle recognized her insecurities had worked against her.
“Exactly my point. Even after you got the job with Matteo Pizarro, you hesitated.”
She’d paused in the middle of packing and visited him in the hospital, hoping he would ask her to stay. He’d been so cold. “You told me you’d moved on.”
“Would you have left if I hadn’t?”
She couldn’t meet his eyes. “I wanted to be with you.”
“And being with me caused you to be in danger. For your own good I sent you away.”
“What would you have done if I’d told you I was pregnant?”
Christian shook his head. “I’d like to believe I would’ve done the right thing, but I honestly don’t know.”
“What would have been the right thing?”
“Marry you. Settle down. Become a good husband and father.”
Noelle couldn’t stop the wry smile that curved her lips. “Neither one of us was ready for that.”
The way his eyebrows shot up said she’d surprised him. “You were.”
“I was happy in Paris. I loved what I was doing. It was hard to manage my career and being a new mom, but I discovered such satisfaction in my ability to do both.”
“See, breaking up with me was the best thing that could have happened to you.”
“That’s not true.” But she couldn’t deny that in many ways he’d done her a favor.
“So what happens now?”
“Now?”
“I’m no longer a young, irresponsible cad. You are thriving in your career and as a mother. We’ve demonstrated that the chemistry between us is hotter than ever. I have a son that I love, and want to be a full-time father. Marry me.”
She saw what he was offering and spun the large diamond ring on her finger. He’d always been what she wanted. So, why couldn’t she just say yes?
Twelve
Christian saw Noelle’s hesitation and felt his heart tear.
“Victor convinced me to move to New York for the next six months so I can focus on the ready-to-wear line.”
“Victor convinced you?” Christian probed her expression. “Or did you have this in mind before you left Sherdana?”
“A little of both,” she admitted. “Thanks to you Marc loves it here, and I don’t know how I’m supposed to take care of all the manufacturing issues and marketing details if I’m in Europe.”
“You let me believe that I would have partial custody of Marc. Have you changed your mind?”
“No. We will figure something out about that.”
“But you and I won’t be together.”
She stared at her hands and shook her head. “Being Marc’s parents and having great sexual chemistry aren’t strong enough reasons to get married. I don’t want to get divorced in a few years because the only time we’re compatible is in bed.”
“I don’t plan to divorce.” Just the thought made his chest ache. “I intend to spend the rest of my life with you.”
Again she didn’t answer right away. If her goal was to convince him that she didn’t share his commitment, he refused to let her succeed. Pushed to fight for the woman he wanted, Christian stood and scooped Noelle into his arms. He silenced her protests with a fierce glare and marched toward her bedroom. Setting her on her feet near the bed, he shut the door and stripped off his shirt before turning to face her.
“Christian, this isn’t going to change my mind about staying in New York.” So she said, but her gaze roamed his bare torso in hungry desperation.
