“Then we have to stop him,” I say grimly, hands bunching into fists in my lap.
“That was never in question,” Seth replies. “He’s murdered innocents. He killed your brother. We might not be official justice gods anymore, but I’ll be damned if this is justice. And I’m going to fight like hell to end it. I’ll die if I have to.”
That gives me pause, and I find myself turning to look at him, my eyes wide with fear. Something horrible is dawning on me, something I can hardly bear to acknowledge, but seeing the look of grim determination in Seth’s amber eyes has thrown everything into sharp clarity, and there’s no turning back the clock. Wordlessly, I get to my feet and move towards the living room door.
“Karma?” Seth calls after me. “Where are you going?”
I turn around, ready to respond, but then shake my head, wordlessly departing from the room, my hands still clenched at my sides. Feeling like I’m in a trance, I start up the stairs, desperately hoping I won’t run into anyone else on my way to my room. I feel like if I have to speak to anyone, this gumption I’m feeling will vanish, and I’ll be left as nothing but a scared puddle on the floor. Blessedly, no one intercepts me, and I feel my jaw set as I hear Seth continuing to call my name, sounding both confused and worried. Please don’t follow me, I will him desperately. Please don’t make this any harder than it has to be.
The realisation hit me like a train. Seth is willing to die for this cause. He just said he’s willing to put his life on the line to end something that I started, something that my stupid arse set in motion all those weeks ago at that night club. And I’m not going to let him.
It seems so simple; I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to come to this conclusion. Maybe, on some level, I knew, and I just didn’t want to have to face the truth. I didn’t want to have to think about the possibility that people would be willing to sacrifice themselves for my sake, but hearing him say it outright like that was like a knife to the heart. Thousands have already died because of me. Hugo died. And if Seth, the stoic, hard to read justice god who took so long to warm up to me, is willing to put himself at risk for this cause, then I have no doubt Killian and Storm will, too. Hell, why should it stop there? Peyton seems ready to go in guns blazing, and Mads, gods bless her, is shaping up to do the same thing. Mum and dad might still have Damien to care for, but I’m not naive enough to assume that they won’t try to get revenge on the man who killed their son. It’s what I would do.
I can’t have anyone else dying because of me.
Okay, I think when I reach my room, closing the door behind me and running my hands through my hair, you can do this. Get your stuff together. When the rest of the family has gone to bed, you can leave in the middle of the night. No one will know you’re gone until tomorrow morning. Kit can give you a lift to London. From there, you can track down Neritous and confront him. He won’t be alone, I know that much, and I know better than to think I can face him and the twins on my own. But maybe, if I’m lucky, I can isolate them from one another. I still don’t like my odds in a one on one fight, but if there’s a chance of being able to pick them off one at a time, I’m going to take it. Maybe I can smuggle some of mum’s charms out to help me. Maybe…
Possibilities continue to swirl through my mind. Numbly, I begin to gather up my things and stuff them into my bag, feeling like a puppet being controlled by someone else. The likelihood of coming back from something like this in one piece isn’t high, and I know that if the others catch wind of what I’m planning, they’ll try to stop me. But that’s the whole damn problem: their willingness to clean up the messes I’ve made is going to get them killed, and I can’t bear to watch that happen. I would rather risk my own life than theirs, and if that means going at this alone, then so be it. At least I’ll know they aren’t walking right into the wolf’s den.
Briefly, I wonder if I should write a note, but then dismiss the idea; there would be no way to get it to them without tipping them off, and knowing the guys, they’ll come after me the moment they know what I’m planning. Better to just disappear and let them come to their own conclusions. Maybe I ran away because I felt guilty. Maybe Neritous finally got to me. It doesn’t really matter, as long as whatever it is keeps them away from the bastard long enough for me to finish the job. This all started with me; one way or another, it’s going to end with me.
I’m so focused on what I’m doing that I don’t even hear the tentative footsteps outside my door, and when it swings open to reveal Seth, I nearly jump out of my skin. “Karma,” he says, his voice quiet. “What’s wrong?”
“I… Nothing.”
Closing the door behind him, he takes a step into the room. Seth’s a sharp guy, and one glance at my bag tells him everything he needs to know. “Karma, where are you going?” he demands. “What are you planning?”
I stare at him for a long moment. “I’m leaving,” I reply, my voice barely above a whisper. “I’m going to go after Neritous. I’m going to end this.”
“Karma, that’s…” He shakes his head. “You can’t do that. It’s too dangerous.”
“So, what?” I demand, rounding on him, and I hate the fact that tears are welling up in my eyes. “What are we supposed to do? Keep waiting around here, sitting on our hands until another city gets destroyed? Until someone else I care about gets killed?”
“I thought we were in this together,” he protests, the confusion clear in his eyes. It breaks my heart, but I force myself to dig in my heels, wiping aggressively at my tears with my sleeve. “I thought we were going to figure out a plan, go after him as a group.”
“There’s been a change of plans,” I reply bluntly, crossing my arms.
“Why?” he asks.
“Seth,” I protest, “please just leave it alone. You need to just—”
“Like hell,” he says. “What made you change your mind about this? Was it something I said?”
“No,” I reply. “What you said just made it all clear to me. I can’t let you guys come with me because it will put you all in danger, too.”
He stares at me like he’s never seen me before in his life. “That’s the point of this,” he insists. “We’re in this together.”
“No,” I say, my desperation creeping into my tone. “We’re not. Not anymore. Don’t you understand, Seth?” My voice has started to waver, and I fear more tears are on the way. “I can’t put anyone else in danger! This whole thing started with me, and I’m not about to let anyone else die because they ended up in the line of fire!”
“Karma, you can’t shut us out like this,” Seth argues, taking a step forward. His proximity to me is making my heart beat faster, but I shut those feelings down. Now isn’t the time.
“How many people have died because of me?” I protest, the tears overflowing once more. “How many more will die because of me? I can’t watch you guys die, too. I just…can’t.”
“And I’m not about to watch you die, either,” Seth insists, putting his hands on my shoulders.
“Why not?” I ask bitterly. “It’s the least I deserve.”
“Because I love you, that’s why!” Seth exclaims, and all I can do is stare up at him. “I love you, and I didn’t even think that was possible. After my wife died… Karma, I…” He runs a hand through his hair. “You brought me back to life,” he tells me, staring into my eyes. “I’m not going to let Neritous snuff you out.”
“Please,” I whisper as he slides his hand up to cup my cheek. “Please, Seth. You’re only making this harder.”
“I know,” he murmurs, his eyes blazing with a love so strong that it scares me. And then his lips are on mine. I want to shove him off, but I can’t bring myself to. Instead, my traitorous arms come up to encircle his neck, drawing him closer as his kisses become more passionate, and when his lips move to my neck, I don’t protest, letting out a small whimper as I feel his hands roaming my body. He seems hesitant, almost fearful, and it dawns on me that this is probably the first time he’s touched a woman since before his wife died. His movements are rusty, almost clumsy, but the passion is obvious, and somehow we manage to fumble off our clothes, so desperate to touch one another that everything else seems to fall by the wayside. Seth nudges me forward before pushing me back onto the bed, his touch warm and soothing.
“I love you,” he repeats, sounding almost disbelieving to hear the words coming out of his own mouth.
“I…love you too,” I reply, and with a growl he presses his lips to mine once more, his hands already moving to part my legs. I hate how wet I’ve already become, and when he glances down, Seth seems surprised, his breath hitching in his throat as he allows his hand to pass over the junction of my thighs. Positioning himself over me, I feel him nudging me open, but there’s a hesitation, and I realise that he’s waiting for my go-ahead.
“Please, I need you,” I manage to whisper. He thrusts into me, eliciting a low groan from me before he begins to move in earnest. It quickly becomes clear that, even though it’s been a while, he’s still as skilled as ever, responding to every subtle movement of my body with a level of attentiveness that I’ve never witnessed before. Waves of pleasure begin to wash over me, and it’s not long before I’m writhing beneath him, moaning his name over and over again like a mantra. I know I shouldn’t be doing this, but I can’t help it. The strength of my feelings is almost overwhelming, and one look at Seth’s expression tells me he’s going through the same thing.
When he comes, he lingers for a moment, just staring into my eyes as he brushes some hair out of my face. I shiver when he pulls out, putting his arms around me protectively as I rest my head against his chest. “Don’t shut me out,” he tells me, stroking my hair, and I feel myself starting to cry without meaning to.
“That’s the problem,” I murmur against his skin, resignation and relief overtaking me all at once. “I don’t think I can.”
Chapter 66
I wish I weren’t so selfish. I wish I had the ability to do what needs to be done, to buckle down and take one for the team the way the others always are, but I don’t. I’m underpowered compared to my father, and for better or worse, I can’t make myself follow through on my plans to leave in the aftermath of what happened with Seth. I know I should, and it still hurts to think about the possibility of any of them getting hurt because of me, but what little willpower I had left seemed to melt under his gentle touch, and now the thought of going head-to-head with Neritous fills me with dread instead of determination. This is going to end bloody—the only question is whose blood it will be.
