Julian remained still. A muscle clenched in his jaw, but he didn’t hide the battle in his eyes. He released me and stepped away. My heart splintered, until he moved around the stool and lifted me from it. He scooped me into his strong arms, urging my legs around his waist as his mouth found mine. I coiled my arms around his neck, pressing my bare sex against his skin. He didn’t falter or pause as he carried me out of the studio and to the bedroom.
He laid me carefully across the bed and hesitated.
I stretched my body, rolling onto my stomach, and reached for the drawstring of his silk pajamas. He didn’t speak as I unknotted it and pushed the pants off his narrow hips. His erection sprang free, and I shifted onto my hands and knees. Taking his length in my hand, I stroked as I lowered my mouth over him. Every muscle in his body went rigid as I pleasured him. A hand fisted my hair, trying to slow me, but I didn’t stop. I couldn’t. All I wanted was to erase his memories of tonight, even if only for a stolen moment.
His fingers tightened, but I continued until a growl ripped through the air. A moment later, I was in the air as he tossed me onto my back. He pounced, his strong arms caging my body as he hovered over me. My legs fell open in welcome. Julian’s head lifted, and he drew in a deep breath, drinking in the air. When he looked down at me, his eyes were black.
I had no idea what I was doing. I could only go on instinct. I lifted my hips to brush against him, and his mouth opened. Fangs descended, and I steeled myself.
I knew what I wanted: to be his in every way he wanted me.
I turned my head to the side, offering him my neck. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw agony flash across his face. He reached out with one hand and gripped my chin. I closed my eyes, ready for his bite. Instead, he turned my face back.
“No, pet,” he said stiffly. “Not like this.”
I opened my eyes and stared into the black pools of his eyes. “I’m your mate, Julian. I am yours. All of me. My body. My blood. You can have both. You can have everything.”
His mouth crashed against mine. A fang nipped my lip, and an iron tang filled my mouth as the kiss deepened. I didn’t know if he’d meant to spill my blood or if it was an accident, but I didn’t care. Julian shifted, his weight pressing against me, and then I felt his hand between my legs. I moaned into the kiss as his thumb brushed briefly over my clit. Then it disappeared. Before I could cry out, something softer and broader swept over it. I was so lost in his kiss that it took me a moment to realize what it was. It nudged against my entrance, and I gasped. Julian reared back and watched me as he dragged the tip of his cock along my seam.
His breathing was ragged, and his eyes remained black as I writhed under him.
“You don’t know what you’re asking,” he said hoarsely. “You don’t know what you’re giving up.”
I swallowed. I’d thought of nothing else since I learned the truth. I understood. “I choose this,” I whispered. “I choose you. I choose to be tethered.”
His eyes closed, and then very slowly, he pressed against me. My body protested, a circle of flames erupting where he’d yet to breach me. I clawed at the sheets, grabbing fistfuls of fabric to squeeze as I waited for him to take the last of my innocence.
Julian brought his lips to mine and kissed me until I was breathless. The fire cooled as he began to stroke himself along me again. “I will never deserve you.”
“You’ve got me anyway,” I said fiercely. There was so much for me to learn about him. I’d only glimpsed some of the shadows of his past, but with every second that passed, I was more certain that my life was inextricably linked to his. Julian’s forehead pressed against mine as he pushed slowly inside me. I caught my breath, waiting for the pain to pass, but then it disappeared.
I opened my eyes to see his blue eyes gazing down on me. Sorrow burned in them. “I can’t,” he said, cutting me off when I opened my mouth, to add, “I won’t, Thea.”
Sharp pain sliced through me, and a moment later, fat tears rolled down my cheeks at his rejection. He turned away, and I felt a stab of embarrassment for being so pathetic.
I tried to squirm out from under him, but he held me firmly.
“I won’t,” he repeated, breaking my heart again, “because I love you.”
And then he reached over and pressed his palm to mine.
CHAPTER FORTY-NINE
JULIAN
I’d never held a lover’s hand before. As my whole body waged war over whether to take her, there was something about this simple touch that changed everything. Tears rolled down Thea’s cheeks. Her head turned to the side, and she stared at where our hands were clasped. Leaning down, I kissed the tears from her face. After a moment, I rolled onto my side and gathered her into my arms. I tucked her against my massive form and took both her hands this time. Twining my fingers with hers, I held her there until her uneven breathing calmed.
“I know it’s not sex,” I murmured into her hair, “but for a vampire, it’s much more intimate.”
She made a soft, noncommittal noise and tightened her fingers. “Explain why again?”
“Maybe it’s just a legend. There are stories–older than me,” I added.
“That’s hard to believe,” she teased me, but her words sounded hollow. “Stories about what?”
“The first magic,” I whispered. “When I was a child, eons ago, my mother would tell me about a time when magic pounded in human blood. Back then, magic was life itself.” I lifted our clasped right hands and released hers. Pointing to the lines, I continued, “You could see magic in the lines of your palm.”
“Like palm reading?” she asked skeptically.
“I believe palm reading is its bastard child, so yes, in a way. The lines of the palm corresponded to various powers–elemental, earth, sexual–”
“Sexual powers?” she interrupted, laughter in her voice.
I relaxed a little to hear it. “Yes, attraction was once the provenance of witches. When magic disappeared, it was still present in the veins of thousands of witch bloodlines, but most couldn’t access it.”
“So, the familiars really can’t use their magic at all?”
“Not true magic. Only the spells and potions that have been passed down from generation to generation.”
“But what does that have to do with vampires? I know that you two are always fighting with each other about which of your kind came first.”
“That is true to an extent,” I allowed. “However, I’ve always believed witches were here first.”
She twisted slightly to look at me. “Really?”
“It makes the most sense to me.” I lifted her hand to my lips and kissed it. “But regardless, it’s only stories. There are probably plenty of scientific reasons that magic dwindled.”
“It’s sad, though,” she said softly. “To only ever feel that you’re half of what you’re meant to become.”
