“Are you allergic to bees?”
“No, but I’m scared of bee attacks. Like any sensible person.”
She waves this off. “It’s worth the risk. Trust me.”
We get out and walk toward the entrance of a trail through a giant maze of cacti.
“Cholla cactus,” she explains.
The plants are waist-high and ombré, with brown roots that grow up and out into a spectacular shade of yellow. From afar they look fat and fuzzy, like Muppets, but up close the spikes seem like they could kill you. They seem like they want to kill you.
“Aren’t they beautiful?” Molly asks.
She is beautiful. The golden hour sunlight is radiating against her hair and making her skin luminous. But what I really love is the serenity on her face.
She’s so happy here.
And I am so happy to bask in her happiness.
I can see that however shaken she is by Dezzie and Rob, she’s not consumed by it. There’s room for joy, too.
“So Molls,” I say, forcing my voice into a casual calm I in no way feel. “I have a surprise for you.”
“Oooh. What is it?”
We’re wandering the gardens, and I steer her toward a viewpoint where there aren’t any other people.
“I set up some meetings on Monday,” I say. “With law firms.”
“Oh yeah? What about?”
“About potentially interviewing. For jobs here.”
Her eyes go wide. And not, it is instantly apparent, with joy.
“Whoa,” she says. “Wow. Why didn’t you tell me first?”
“Because I wanted to surprise you,” I say carefully. “I thought it would be … good news?”
She squints at me. “So you’re thinking of moving here?”
She doesn’t sound excited—more like confused.
That’s okay. I can fix confused.
I put my arm around her waist. “Babe, the past five months have been the happiest of my life. I love you, and I want to be where you are.”
She nods slowly. “I love you too, Seth. But that’s a really big change for you, just to be closer to me. Like, a huge commitment.”
“That’s the idea,” I say softly.
“What about your nonprofit?”
“We’ve been thinking about expanding beyond Chicago. I’d love to do something similar in LA.”
She gives me a strained smile. “Okay. We can talk about it more. Let’s see how your meetings go.”
I decide not to tell her I’ve already done a series of Zoom interviews with both firms I’m considering. That this is basically a chemistry visit to help me decide which one to choose.
But then she reaches out, pulls my head down and kisses me.
“Sorry,” she says. “I’m just on edge. I think it could be great. Can you imagine, getting to see each other every day? You’re amazing to even consider it.”
I’m not amazing.
I’m madly in love.
“I just want to be with you, Molls. Any way you’ll have me.”
“I want you all the ways,” she says. “Let’s go home and get on that.”
CHAPTER 34 Molly
I’m getting better at recognizing my moments of self-sabotage. I’m proud of myself for course correcting.
Of course I shouldn’t panic at the idea of Seth exploring jobs in Los Angeles. Nothing is set in stone, and it could be incredible if he moved here. We can’t be long-distance forever. I love our marathon phone calls and romantic trips to see each other, but there’s always an undercurrent of sadness: I always, always miss him. Even when we’re together, I know it’s temporary, and I miss him in advance.
I should not let my unease over Dezzie’s crisis ruin what should be a beautiful moment.
