Bennett shrugged. ‘You don’t owe me friendliness.’ But he wanted to earn her friendliness, he wanted it freely given. She’d given him glimpses of it, little tastes, and he wanted more.
She lifted an eyebrow. ‘Okay.’
‘Okay.’ He was definitely smiling like a moron, but she was nearly smiling back so it was worth it.
‘So, I was thinking…’
‘Oh?’
‘Well, I just thought, if you wanted to come up to the farm in the mornings to let the dogs run around before we open…’
‘Yeah?’
‘I wouldn’t chase you off the property.’ And there it was, that private smile she’d given him on Sunday like they were sharing a secret joke.
‘I might take you up on that. The dogs would love it.’
Kira stooped to give Odie and Pudgy some attention. ‘Would you like that? Do you want to come run around and pee on a whole bunch of trees?’ She glanced up at Bennett. ‘We won’t mention to the customers that their family Christmas tree may or may not have pee on it.’
He laughed and Kira smiled bigger, and he was pretty sure church bells rang out in the distance. Elizbeth licked the side of Kira’s face.
‘Oh, kisses, thank you!’ Kira said with a laugh, gently pushing Elizabeth’s big face away from hers. She stood up, the smile still lingering around her mouth. Bennett forced himself to drag his gaze away from her lips.
‘So, maybe I’ll see you tomorrow morning?’ she said and beneath the casualness of the question, Bennett heard more. Or he wanted to think he did.
‘I think you probably will.’
‘Great.’ She shook her head, remembering too late to rein in her enthusiasm. ‘I mean, good. I will maybe see you then.’
All three dogs immediately started whining as soon as she turned and strode off toward Annie’s bakery. Bennett had to swallow his own whine at seeing her go. But he had an invite to see her tomorrow.
He was sure everyone in The Pumpkin Spice Café would know exactly what the ridiculous smile on his face meant when he walked in, so he took the back alley and went straight up to Jeanie’s apartment. If he was going to spend tomorrow morning up at the farm, he’d better get some work done today.
He set himself up on the couch. Laptop, coffee, peacefully snoring dogs: check, check, and check. He had to admit that working from home did have its perks. The Christmas tree he’d gotten from Kira’s twinkled cheerfully in the corner of Jeanie’s living room and he had his feet propped up on her coffee table in his cozy, Christmas socks. He could get used to this.
Unfortunately, before he could get too deep into his work or his fantasies about Kira, three new texts popped up on his phone and derailed his entire morning. One look at the name on his screen and all the good feelings of the morning dissolved. He should have blocked the number months ago, but he hadn’t. Why? Some ill-placed feeling of guilt? Some absurd hope that she’d want him again for more than just a few weeks? That she might need something.
Ignoring everything that was healthy for him, he opened the first one.
Hey Ben. I’m back in town. Want to meet up for drinks?
Bennett sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, the familiar pull already had his fingers twitching to respond, before he read her next message.
I miss you.
Of course she did, she always did after a while.
I hate to be alone for the holidays and I know you do too… Call me…
And there it was. She just needed someone to warm her bed until spring rolled around or she got bored or she found someone more interesting to spend her time with. Nicole Allen was Bennett’s shameful secret. Not even Jeanie knew about her. He’d been way too embarrassed at the time to tell anyone about her, and he certainly wasn’t about to tell anyone now.
Nicole was the real reason he’d uprooted his life and moved across the country. They’d dated on and off throughout college, with him always being more invested than she was, not that he would have admitted it at the time. When she’d gotten a job on the West Coast after graduation, he assumed it was officially over between them. It should have been a fresh start for him but instead, she asked him to come with her, tearfully actually, after confessing she was afraid to go alone, to start over on the other side of the country. Of course, it was the exact right thing to say to him. How could he not go? How could he resist the feeling of being her hero?
He’d followed her to California and shared her apartment and her bed for three months, before she realized it had all been a mistake. It turned out that ‘freedom’ was actually what she wanted. He’d been too embarrassed to come back home and so he’d stayed. And somehow, she was still able to lure him back. Because apparently, the only thing that got him off more than helping people was being needed by this woman.
Whenever they were together it was because she needed him or something from him at least. She needed him to chase away her loneliness or she needed him to comfort her while she licked her wounds from whatever the last guy did to her, or she needed him to escort her to holiday parties and ensure she was never under the mistletoe alone.
And damn it, if he didn’t feel the pull of her again.
She missed him.
She was lonely.
She wanted him.
He glanced at his tree and the pull lessened. Kira’s smile from this morning lit up behind his eyes. Maybe this time, he didn’t need Nicole back. He tossed the phone aside and resolved not to answer.
But before he could congratulate himself or manage to write a single line of code, another thought disrupted his workday.
Was he only replacing Nicole with another woman who he hoped needed him? Was Kira’s main appeal her need for help? Suddenly, his entire dating history landed in front of him in a heap of disasters and failed connections. Did Bennett seek out people who would ultimately be more than happy to take advantage of him? Was this last year of shitty dates his fault?
Christ, he really did get off on helping people. He had some kind of damsel-in-distress kink. What the hell was wrong with him? Odie let out a soft sigh next to him, like he was equally disappointed in this revelation, and Bennett absentmindedly scratched between the little dog’s ears. He needed to fix this. He needed to break this cycle.
He needed to stay away from Kira North.
Elizabeth looked up from her spot on the floor as though she’d heard his thoughts, her dark eyes peering into him. She let out a sad little bark.
Bennett groaned. ‘We can’t.’
