“...I think I’ll go and check out that Fish Market,” she finally said. “Those Dorosef people seem like they can come up with... surprising ideas.”
Without giving them the time to say anything, she turned around and left, walking as elegantly as ever despite heading to the Fish Market.
Cessilia and Ashen watched the older woman until she was completely out of sight, then he turned to her, frowning and clearly a bit confused.
“What was that?” he asked.
“Grandmother was starting to be a bit too... inquisitive, about our love life.”
“Hasn’t she always been?”
“Let’s just say I’m trying to manage her expectations for the future,” muttered Cessilia, a bit embarrassed.
“Oh...”
If he had understood, Ashen didn’t say anything. Instead, he gently took her hand, rubbing his thumb on her skin, and tilted his head.
“So you really do like my new haircut, huh? That look you gave me just seconds ago...”
“I just need a bit of time to get used to it!” Cessilia protested, embarrassed. “This is really different from before...”
“But you really, really like it,” he chuckled, teasing her.
“Stop it...”
Cessilia walked away to avoid his amused eyes, but as their fingers were still interlaced and neither of them loosened their grips, Ashen followed after her, a smile stuck on his lips. For a little while, they walked, in a different direction from the one Lady Kareen had taken, of course. They simply strolled along the river, holding hands, watching the Capital get back on its feet.
“I feel a bit guilty, not helping out,” muttered Cessilia, after they walked by another group of children busy carrying little water buckets to their family.
“Don’t worry, I’m sure we will be busy soon enough,” sighed Ashen in response. “Plus, with everything we went through, you and I both earned a little break, don’t you think?”
Cessilia nodded. It was in her nature that she couldn’t help but want to do something, somehow, to relieve those people’s burden. She tried to fight that feeling by reminding herself that neither she nor Ashen were completely healed. And he was right; they would both be the busiest getting this Kingdom back in order soon. For those people, it would perhaps be a matter of just days before they could resume life as it was, but for the two of them, nothing would be like it had been.
“...I’m curious,” she whispered after a while, “about how it will turn out, in a few years. This Kingdom. You and I... which direction we will take it in.”
“Do you have an idea in mind?” he smiled.
“A few... I don’t want to do things like in the Empire. I’ve only been here for a short while, but... it’s clear the heart of this Kingdom is so different. The people are different. That’s how exciting it is. We could go in so many directions.”
She smiled, trying to envision that future. Next to her, though, Ashen’s smile gradually lessened, and he frowned, visibly absorbed in his thoughts. He suddenly stopped, surprising Cessilia as they were on a quiet street, without anything special around. Ashen looked down, seemingly conflicted.
“Cessilia... are you sure you’ll be alright?” he suddenly asked.
“What do you mean?”
“If... If you stay here, if you marry me, and become the Queen... It will be hard for you to visit home. Maybe not now, but as time passes, it will get harder to go back. You won’t be able to go there very often, even riding your dragon. Your brothers and sisters probably won’t come often, either. I’m worried you might... get lonely, and one day, regret it.”
Cessilia was surprised. So that was what he had been so conflicted about... Ashen, who had finally stopped pushing her away, was now even more afraid of her choosing him. This man... Cessilia couldn’t help but fall for him a little more. She liked how he said what was on his mind, but that mind was needlessly thinking and worrying too much at times. Still, she tried to think about it seriously. She knew his worries weren’t completely baseless.
“...Would you rather I don’t stay?”
She saw the utter pain on his face, for just a split second. Then, he took a deep breath, seriously pondering her question, and eventually, he nodded, very faintly.
“I think... as much as I want you by my side, I would regret binding you by my side, if you ever come to be unhappy about it. I have spent... years wanting you by my side, thinking I would do absolutely anything to get you in my arms, to make you my woman, but now... I realize that was my one-sided, selfish thinking. I barely got to experience having my family around, but the pain of their loss was too hard. If you ever come to regret choosing me over your family, I would be the first one to regret it. I don’t... I don’t want you to have to choose, and I hate that you might come to regret either choice.”
Cessilia sighed, and stepped forward. Suddenly, she slapped Ashen’s cheeks between her hands, making him grimace, but forced him to look at her, her hands still cupping his face.
“Ashen. You are thinking way too much,” she said. “Just stop. I understand what you are worried about, but I am a grown woman. I know exactly what I am doing staying by your side. Firstly, do not underestimate my Cece, she will fly me back to the Onyx Castle whenever I feel like it without issue. Secondly, even if I do get busy here and see my parents less often, so what? It won’t make me bitter. I will look forward to being reunited with them even more! ...Do you know how my mother can keep working at the palace, away from my dad?”
“How?”
“Because she knows that no matter the distance, my dad’s feelings for her won’t ever change. Even if they miss each other, that’s only because they love each other that much. They even enjoy sending each other letters during those times, and they are still very much in love after spending a month or two apart. They don’t have any issues sending us away either, as long as we’re safe and happy. My little sister often sneaks out and disappears for a week or two. My parents even hide away from us to have some alone time sometimes, they are a couple after all. ...I want the same thing, Ashen. I want to visit my family when I miss them, but I also want to be busy and happy with you. If I see them less, that means that I’m busy here. I don’t want to stay at home being Daddy’s princess! ...I want to be my man’s Queen.”
She smiled and tilted her head. This time, Ashen was the one who blushed, and had to look away, embarrassed. He grabbed her wrists to gently take her hands off his face.
“...I guess I’ll have to keep you happy here, then,” he said. “If I don’t want... Daddy to pay me a visit.”
“Oh, he won’t need to,” Cessilia chuckled. “You should be the one to come to the Empire, sometime.”
Ashen grimaced. Perhaps it was a bit too soon for him, but Cessilia had no doubt the time would come when she would see Ashen and her father sitting together again, and chatting around the fire, a cup of wine in their hands.
“...One day,” he finally muttered.
Cessilia smiled. Ashen had come a long way already, so it would take just a bit longer for him to finally heal from his past. And she felt like that truth was real for her too. While in the Eastern Kingdom, she had already overcome quite a lot. Now, and with Ashen by her side, they would take their time building this Kingdom back up, and taking care of each other, paving the way for the future.
Ashen smiled again, and stepped forward, kissing her forehead.
“Feeling better?” she asked.
