I sit for a moment, waiting to figure out where I’m going before I start the car. I don’t want to go home yet because Ryle might show back up. I definitely don’t want to go to Allysa’s because I’ll absolutely run into him in the apartment building where he lives.

I feel very protective of Emmy right now because Ryle has every right on paper to show up and take her from me for the day, but I’m not allowing my daughter around him on a day I know his fuse is nonexistent.

I look in my rearview mirror, and Emmy is just sitting peacefully, looking out the window at the rain. She has no idea the kind of chaos that surrounds her existence, because to her, I’m her entire existence. Every ounce of her trust is in me. She depends on me for everything, and she’s just sitting there happy and comfortable, as if I have it all under control.

I don’t feel like I have it under control, but the fact that she assumes I do is good enough for me. “Where do we go today, Emmy?”

Chapter Twenty-Five Atlas

“What time did you get home last night?” Josh asks. He’s shuffling into the kitchen wearing two different socks: one of them a new one I bought him and one of them mine. Theo and Josh were asleep when I got home, but I still woke up three hours before they did. Brad just left with Theo about twenty minutes ago.

“That’s none of your business.” I point at the table, where Josh’s homework sits unfinished. He promised he would do it yesterday if I let Theo spend the night, but I have a feeling the video games and manga and anime got in the way. “You didn’t do your homework?”

Josh looks at the pile of papers and then back at me. “No.”

“Get to it.” I say that with confidence, but I have no idea how to do this. I’ve never had to tell a kid to do homework before. I don’t even know how to ground him if he doesn’t do his homework. I feel like I’m acting. I am. I’m an imposter.

“I’m not avoiding it,” Josh says. “I just can’t do it.”

“Is it too hard? What is it, math?”

“No, I did the math. Math is easy. It’s this stupid shit I have to do for computer class.”

“Stupid crap,” I say, correcting him. I think. Maybe “stupid crap” is just as bad. I sit down next to Josh to see what it is he’s having trouble with. He slides the assignment in front of me, and I look over it.

It’s a research assignment about ancestry. There are five things required for the term, and one of them is a family tree that was due on Friday. The other is a generational assignment using an ancestry website that’s due next Friday.

“We’re supposed to find our relatives using some website. I don’t know any of their names or even where to start,” he says. “Do you?”

I shake my head. “Not really. I met Sutton’s father once, but he died when I was a kid. I don’t even remember his name.”

“What about my dad’s parents?” Josh asks.

“I don’t know anything about his family, either.”

Josh takes the papers from me. “They really should stop having kids do these things; no one has normal families anymore.”

“You’re right, actually.” I hear a text ping on my phone in the kitchen, so I stand up to go check it.

“Did you ever try to find my dad for me?” Josh asks.

I did try, but Tim never responded to the voice mail I left him. I just don’t want to tell Josh that because I know it’ll be disappointing. I pick up my phone but walk back to Josh before looking at my texts. “I haven’t had a chance to really look into it yet. You sure you want me to?”

Josh nods. “He might want to hear from me. I’m sure Sutton has done everything she can to keep us apart.”

I feel a stab of concern in the center of my chest. I was hoping Josh would be comfortable enough here to not want to find his dad, but that was a ridiculous hope. He’s a twelve-year-old boy. Of course he wants to find his father.

“I’ll help you try to find him.” I point to the papers. “But do what you can with that for now. As long as you try, they can’t give you a bad grade for not knowing your grandparents.”

Josh leans over his work, and I finally look down at the text. It’s from Lily.

Can I call you?

She should know she can call me any second of the day, and I would answer. I take my phone to my room and call her without texting her back. She picks up in the middle of the first ring.

“Hey,” she says.

“Hi.”

“What are you doing?”

“Helping Josh with his homework. Trying to pretend I’m not thinking about you.” She’s quiet after I say that, and I immediately sense something is off. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I just. I don’t want to go home. I was wondering if I could come to your place?”

“Sure. Is Emmy still with your mom?”

She sighs. “That’s the thing. I have her with me. I know that’s weird, but I’ll explain when I get there.”

If she’s bringing Emerson to my house, something is definitely off. She’s been adamant she didn’t want to bring her around me before Ryle knew about us. “I’ll text you my address.”

“Thank you. I’ll be there in a little while.” She ends the call, and I fall back onto my mattress wondering what in the hell happened in the time between slipping out of her bed last night and this phone call.

Did she get my letter? Did I say something wrong?

Is she about to break things off with me?

All those concerns swirl in my gut as I wait for her, but my biggest concern is one I don’t even want to allow my mind to entertain. Did Ryle hurt her?

I’m watching for them when she pulls into my driveway, so I meet her outside. I can immediately tell something is wrong when she gets out of the car. But I don’t think it’s related to me because she seems relieved to see me. I pull her in for a hug because she looks like she needs one. “What happened?”

She places her hands on my chest and pulls back to look up at me. She seems hesitant to say anything. She glances into the back window to check on her daughter, who is asleep in the car seat.

Then Lily just starts to cry. She drops her face against my chest and sobs into my shirt, and it’s the most heartbreaking thing. I press my lips into her hair and give her a moment.

She doesn’t need long. She composes herself fairly quickly and then wipes at her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she says. “I’ve been holding that in all morning since Ryle left.”

The mention of his name makes my spine stiffen. I knew this had to do with him.

“He knows about us,” she says.

“What happened?” It’s taking everything in me to stand where I am and not run to find him. My bones feel as if they’re crackling with anger. “Are you hurt?”

“No. But he’s really upset, and I don’t want to be home alone right now. I know I shouldn’t be bringing Emmy around you yet, but I feel safer with her here than if Ryle tried to show up and take her today. I’m sorry, I just don’t want to be anywhere he might find me.”

I tilt her chin up until she’s looking at me. “I’m happy you’re here. Both of you. Stay the whole day if you want.”

She exhales and presses her lips against mine. “Thank you.” She moves to the back door to grab her daughter out of her car seat. Emerson doesn’t even wake up. She’s limp in Lily’s arms, passed out. “She’s been at the park for an hour; she’s exhausted.”