“They’re sending a car now,” Rob said as he hung up the phone.
The three of them paced the cottage like stalking beasts as they thought about all of the things that could have possibly happened to Lisette.
“We can’t just sit here and wait,” Michael said.
“You’re not going to get anywhere faster without a car,” Rob said. “We have no choice but to wait for a few minutes until it gets here.”
“Guys,” Adam said. His voice was so full of dismay that both Michael and Rob stopped their fretting and turned to look at him immediately.
Adam held up three envelopes in his hand, one addressed to each of them in Lisette’s handwriting.
“That’s a trick,” Michael said as he gave in to his denial before he let himself give in to the belief that Lisette had planned one last, wonderful night before she left him.
“I don’t think it’s a trick,” Adam said. “I think Lisette left these for us to read.”
“I said it’s a trick,” Michael shouted as he lunged at Adam and knocked him to the floor.
“What are you doing?” Rob shouted as he pulled Michael off of Adam. “Get off of him, have you lost your mind?”
Michael stood up and Rob gave Adam a hand to his feet.
“It’s okay,” Adam said. His voice was shaking, and he knew that Michael hadn’t meant it. None of them were in control now.
Adam reached down and picked up the letters that were scattered on the floor. He handed Rob the letter with his name on it and then handed Michael his. When Michael refused to take it, Adam just set his letter back down on the table for him. Rob went into the bedroom and sat down on the bed to read his while Adam went outside to sit by the dying bonfire. Michael just stood in the middle of the living room staring at the letter from afar with a look of anguish in his eyes. He was not going to open it.
Dear Adam,
I know that when you read this, you’ll be mad at me. You always were the one who was best at being calm and cool and never really getting upset with me about much of anything. Even when I told you about what had happened between Michael and I in the stone room, you seemed like you were okay with anything I did because you loved me. But I know you’re not going to be okay with this.
You and I needed each other as much as any of the other guys did too. It just always felt easier and more natural for us, didn’t it? I’m not really sure why that was, I guess that we were just kind of meant to be. Even Julian knew that I think, that’s why he ended up liking you so much (even though he’d never admit it).
You were the first one to love me, I mean really love me. You were the first one to come back for me and the first one to really believe in me, and for that I will always be grateful. It’s because of that, that I am going to ask you to do something again for me now. I know, you’re probably mad about the last favor that I asked you to do for me. I bet you would have never gotten the furs or started the bonfire if you knew this was how it was going to end. But I’m afraid I still need to ask you for one more favor, because you’re the only one that can do it.
Rob will be fine, in fact he’ll probably move on, but you and Michael won’t. I know that. And for that I am so deeply sorry. I hope that you know that I did this only to protect you guys and not for any reason other than how much I love you. Remember when you told me how much you wanted to hear me say those words to you…well I’m saying them to you now.
I love you, Adam.
I need you to remember what it was like when it was just you and Michael, and how you guys were such close friends (even when you hated each other) and how you always had each other’s backs. I need you to be that way again. Michael will fight you about it I’m sure. And he will probably try to go back down the dark hole that he was in when we first met. Promise me that you won’t let him. Be there for each other.
Please don’t come looking for me. It killed me once to have to leave you and it will kill me more if it is in vain.
I hope that someday this will all be over, and we can all be together again. Until that day I will think of you until my thoughts are the only thing that keep me together.
Be safe and stay together and know that I love you.
Lisette
Adam held the letter to his chest and howled with a painful cry that made the mountain wolves pick up the sound and carry it on the wind. His letter was one of the hardest of all, but not the hardest. The only thing that might keep him going was the promise that she asked him to keep, and for her he would do anything. Even if it killed him.
So, he stood up and threw the letter into the dying bonfire and watched as it burned.
Hoping, and praying, he’d one day have her back in his arms for good.
Dear Rob,
I wish we had spent more time making love and less time trying to figure each other out. I want you to know that I do trust you and I’m sorry that I wasted our time as I tried to protect my heart from being hurt again. You were there when I needed you, every single time. You held me when Julian died, you made love to me even before I said the words that you needed to hear. You protected me and waited for me and you made sure that when Julian was gone, you kept his space warm against me.
I know that sometimes the other two guys can be a bit much to handle. And I know that you will probably want to pull away or move on or something when you finish reading this letter. And if you move on and find happiness then I will be happy for you. But don’t pull away if you don’t want to. Stay with Adam and Michael, they’re good guys, you’ll see. If I ever get back to you, which I hope that someday I will, then I hope you’ll still be there too. I may not have said the words, but I think that you know that I love you too.
You are the most level-headed of them. I know Michael tries to be, but he’s more emotional that all the angsty waves in the sea, he just won’t admit to it. Please make sure they don’t try to follow me, and don’t you try to search for me either. I know you probably have the tools and resources to do so, but you’re just going to have to trust me on this one. I’m doing this to save you all.
Stay in the cottage, drink the whiskey, and maybe one day that giant mountainside garden will be there when I get back.
We’ll need to make love in that garden, because one time was not enough.
Lisette
Michael,
Yours was the letter that I couldn’t write. And it will probably be the letter that you cannot read. But I need you to read it. The WHOLE thing. Please.
When you were shot and nearly died, I felt like I would die too. I wasn’t being dramatic; I was being torn apart. When my mother died, a piece of me died with her. When Julian died, a piece of me died with him. And when David died, another piece of me died with him as well. But you—you I could not lose.
