I don’t watch Asha as she falls.
Instead, I watch Kiran.
I arrive too late to save her, to warn her. Kiran’s face darkens in anguish. There’s horror in his expression, the deep, agonizing loss that clouds his features, as his future is ripped away from him.
Her death wasn’t part of the plan. When I spoke with Dinah, it was because the part of me who knew just how paranoid Az could be had worried he would already have a plan in place in case Kiran tried to use his powers against him.
I thought we could use that against Az.
Asha’s involvement was supposed to be the backup plan in case we were caught.
She’d misunderstood and thought I wanted for us to get caught.
I can see now the path her mind took.
Asha’s plan was to feed Az a high, just so he’d have a longer way to fall. Just so the sorrow would sting all the worse once he realized he had lost her.
She’d dangled hope of winning back her love in front of his face, just before she faked her death.
I’d only wanted Asha to be prepared if things went poorly.
But Asha had treated the escape attempt as if it were our only shot.
I recognize Kiran’s pain, that agony, and I watch it from afar, feeling the loss between us go taut.
He doesn’t look at me, probably doesn’t even realize I’ve slipped into the throne room, that I’ve been hiding behind the velvet curtains.
The moment will come when he looks for me, though. When it settles over him that this is entirely my fault.
It won’t take him long.
It’s always my fault.
Something flares within me, grasping for that feeling, but no…
No. Asha knew what she was risking. It was her decision to put herself in harm’s way, not mine.
Neither of us could have seen this coming. The plan should have worked. Amity’s ressuroot should have worked.
I grasp against the cold marble wall, allowing the chill to stabilize me.
Az was the one to throw that dagger, not me.
Derek led me into that pantry, not me.
I swallow, then I do the only thing I can do.
Kiran lunges for Asha. At least Asha found a way to convince Az to unbind him. Az is prepared, his other dagger descending upon Kiran, aiming for his throat.
I get there first.
My fist curls around Az’s blade. I feel the sting of singeing flesh, the burn of my own blood against my palm, and instead of ignoring the pain, instead of allowing it to drive me, I channel it.
Az whitens as I wrench the dagger from his grasp and push him up against the wall.
His face warps into a hateful grin, like he knows something I don’t.
I clasp Kiran’s goblin-iron cuffs I swiped from the floor onto Az’s wrists, stifling his Flame.
“You foolish child. Let me go,” he says, to which I shove his head against the marble wall just for good measure. The motion leaves him looking dazed, but not enough to slur the oncoming insults. “They’ll never forgive you for betraying them.”
“Well, no reason to pile on,” I say.
“Asha,” Kiran cries from behind me. “Asha, please. Please don’t leave me. Why…”
Az lets out a laugh. “The fool believes her. Someone so dull-witted doesn’t deserve—”
“Asha is dead,” I say, and though Az’s face falters for a moment, he regains his confidence quickly enough.
“Not you too. I would have thought you were more clever than that. Perhaps your life of lies has blinded you to them.”
I shake my head, flicking my neck to gesture toward the blade Asha dropped. “I can scent the ressuroot on its tip. She doused it in the formula before she arrived. It brings a person back, but only if it’s injected directly into the heart. She was trying to trick you, Az, but not in the way you thought. There’s no Rip in the library, nowhere for Asha to draw on to amplify her powers. There’s no illusion. No pretending. Asha is dead, and you’re the one who killed her.”
Az’s beautiful features go still for a moment, but then he blinks, shaking his head as if to rouse himself from a nightmare. “You’re lying.”
“I’m not. Fates,” I say, trying my best to hold it together, but I don’t know if I can. Asha is dead. Fates, she’s dead, and I’m the one who turned her over to her murderer.
Guilt swarms my chest, but instead of allowing it to control me, I absorb it, I own it. Just like I did the parasite.
