I’m not sure what good it does you to worry, I tell it, though the comment is more for my benefit.

It’s not easy having a being tormented by anxiety living in one’s head.

And it’s not easy being confined to the body of a human who rests on the lower end of the spectrum when it comes to self-preservation instinct, my magic counters.

I sigh, pushing myself up in bed and leaning against the headboard. Fin’s lantern bathes the room in a warm glow, dancing off the silver-plated designs etched into the baby blue walls, causing my silver bedsheets to shimmer.

The quarters the King of Dwellen has provided during our stay in Othian are calming, pleasant. As is the style in Dwellen, most of the decor vacillates between various hues of blue, all lined with silver leaf. My room is no exception, with silver leaf depicting a mural of a lively forest on the wall, shimmering pine trees cutting across the pale blue backdrop.

The furniture is much the same, complete with a silver-plated dresser and vanity, while any cushion in the vicinity is encased in soft blue velvet.

The bed is comfortable, too. It just would be more comfortable with Kiran in it.

Months ago, when Ellie visited Blaise’s rooms only to find the girl had left without a trace, Evander and Kiran set out after her, assuming a realization of some sort had dawned on her during our conversations about how Queen Abra was the Mother from the Old Magic’s story. They left Ellie and me behind, figuring time was of the essence, and having two humans along would only slow them down.

It’s probably true, but I don’t have to like the truth, even if mentally I reluctantly agree.

Thankfully, Fin was already on his way to Othian to deliver a message from Lydia about her progress in hiding Piper from Azrael. Piper’s magic, like mine, makes her capable of manipulating the Rip. Kiran, aware of my recent nightmares, had left Fin instructions to sleep in the quarters adjacent to mine and to check on me should I burst into fits in the middle of the night. I think Fin and Ellie must have developed a system, because they often alternate who comes to check on me.

Kiran and his brother might not be getting along—I’m rather shocked Fin agreed with anything Kiran commanded of him, to be honest—but they seem to possess a common interest when it comes to me.

That was over two months ago. Kiran and Evander found Blaise in Mystral all right, but that was the last we heard from them before the snowstorm hit Mystral.

Now that the storm has passed, we hope Kiran and Evander will return any day now.

Any day now isn’t nearly soon enough.

“You said his name during the dream,” Fin says, his voice an anchor to reality from my dreary thoughts.

I frown at him in question.

“Oh, don’t look at me like you don’t know who I’m talking about. You said Az’s name.”

My chest clenches, the feel of Az’s possessive finger scraping across my face, as if it wasn’t a dream at all, but a memory I can’t quite quash.

“I’m suffering from nightmares. Why would my masochistic mind hold anything back from torturing me?” I ask. When Fin doesn’t answer, I gesture toward my head. “Sorry if all my enemies get mixed up in here.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah, you can go on back to bed now. Consider it checked off the list: Seen to the little wounded bird, otherwise known as Asha.”

Fin gestures as if to strike a task off an invisible list midair. Then he stares at me. “Are you going back to bed?”

“If you get out of here, then maybe I can actually get some sleep.”

He cranes his neck to the side, crossing his arms. Waiting.

“Okay, fine. It’ll probably take me a while to fall back asleep.”

“Same.” Fin rises from the bed and extends his hand toward me. “Actually, you’ve pretty much ruined my hard-earned sleep for the night. I’ll never make it back to bed.”

I roll my eye, but stare pointedly at his hand.

He shrugs. “I figure if neither of us are going to be sleeping, we could at least be doing something productive. Besides, you owe me for waking me up. So I’m giving you a task.”

“You’re giving me a task.”

He grins. “I’m giving you a task, my queen.”

As it turns out, Fin’s task involves a trip to the Othian castle library, so it’s much less daunting than I previously expected.

We pad through the ornate hallways, the various portraits of Princess Olwen staring down at us as we traverse the sprawling castle.

“She just looks like she’d be a pill, doesn’t she?” Fin comments as we pass a portrait of Olwen Thornwall.

“I imagine she and I could be friends.”

Fin scoffs. “Just don’t tell Evander.”

When we arrive at the library, we’re careful to shut the door behind us, leaving our lanterns with the overnight librarian and exchanging them for a set approved by the King of Dwellen himself.

I don’t much like the King of Dwellen. He seems unnecessarily awful to Evander, and frequently condescending to most everyone around him, except for maybe Ellie, but the male is particular about the care his book collection receives, and that I can respect.

The specialized lanterns let off an unassuming glow that supposedly won’t cause damage to the pages of the older texts contained within the library. The Othian library, much like the one in Naenden, is bedecked with books boasting all imaginable colors. It also contains at least half a dozen sliding ladders and little alcoves on the second floor of shelves, so you could settle in and read from a nook above.

It’s a lovely idea, though I’m not tempted to scale them. I just like knowing the option is available to me if I so desire it.

Fin must have occupied an alcove earlier in the day, because he climbs up to one and descends with a pile of books, aware of my aversion to heights. He piles them on a desk beside a nearby window, one with Ellie’s initials engraved into the side, as I examine the titles and raise my brow.

“Ah, just what I love to read for fun,” I say, though I watch Fin’s face carefully as I respond.

“I thought, what better to lull us back to sleep?” he says, his carefree grin never faltering.

My heart falters a bit, though. Every single book is a census record, most from Dwellen, but others are from the surrounding kingdoms. “You’re still looking for him.”

Fin doesn’t bother to look up at me. He just settles into a seat and starts flipping through one of the books, taking notes on a parchment laid out on the table next to him.

“I thought you decided to take a break,” I try again when Fin doesn’t respond.

“I did.”

“Then why are you looking now?”

“Isn’t it within the definition of a break that the break would end at some point, and then work would resume?”

I bite my lip, but I take a seat across from Fin, nonetheless. Fin worked himself sick searching for his father when Kiran and the vizier had first told him of his and Kiran’s illegitimacy. Of course, no one outside of the vizier and direct family could know. The fact that the twins are not descendants of the late king, and that Naenden law does not allow females on the throne, means that the next person in line for the throne is the king’s illegitimate son.

And that son happens to be Az.