“Has anyone ever touched you here?” he asks.

I force a swallow down my throat. “In the early days of my training. My trainer…to teach my body about pleasure. But I then needed to learn that my pleasure does not come from there.”

A stricken look crosses over Felford’s face. He closes his eyes for a long moment and takes in a deep breath. Is he disappointed?

“I would like to touch you here, is that alright?” asks Felford.

What is the correct answer? What does he want to hear? I don’t know. A strange, panicked whimper comes out of me.

Felford catches it with another kiss. Soft, yet insistent. My heart rate slows. My anxiety recedes. Everything is so much better when he is pressed against me.

He breaks away from the kiss. “I’m sorry, Lucien.”

I suck in a breath. Why is he sorry? He has done nothing wrong. I’m the one who is terrible at this.

“I’m going to play with your cock and you’re going to be a good boy for me, aren’t you?”

My body goes crazy. My cock throbs, my stomach flutters, my heart skips several beats. My mind spins and a deep, deep joy fills me.

“Yes, yes!” I nod frantically.

Doing as I am told is something I can do. I excel at it. This is marvelous. I finally have a way to earn his approval.

Felford smiles softly. A dark, pleased smile. Full of promise. I want to look at it forever.

“I understand now,” he says.

I have no idea what he understands, but as his fingers wrap around my cock, I lose all ability to form coherent thoughts. I’m carried away to a sea of ecstasy and elation, and I think it is going to be a very long time before I return.

Chapter thirteen

Drew

Ishould leave before Lucien wakes. I don’t want him to wake up and find me looming over him. The last thing I want is to startle the poor boy. But watching him sleep is mesmerizing. His cheeks are still flushed and his hair all messy. I could watch him for hours. He looks utterly adorable.

Once I figured out that clear orders are the way to make him comfortable, bedding him was a joy. So responsive. So eager to please. So sweet.

I liked it far too much.

Liked it far more than gaining this magic that is surging through me.

I truly am wicked. A lost cause. But in my defense, the way Lucien clung to me, the soft noises he made, the look in his eyes as if pleasure were astonishing? Nobody could withstand that. It was incredible.

I’m going to have to research the BDSM lifestyle. I never imagined myself as a Dom. I was making it up as I went. But if it’s what Lucien needs, I have to know what I am doing. For both our sakes.

It is wonderful that emptying him went so well. I had been braced for him to be terrified the entire time and for it to be an ordeal for both of us. This is far more than I hoped for, and I cannot risk it all to chance. Next time he is ripe, I need to know what I am doing.

I take a deep breath and reluctantly leave Lucien’s bedchamber. No doubt he will be all flustered and uneasy when he wakes up. I’m sure he will prefer privacy and a chance to gather his wits.

My feet take me to my study, and nearly to the drinks cabinet. But I stop myself just in time. I have some cigars in my desk drawer. I’ll have one of those instead.

I find them quickly, but no lighter. It’s decadent to use magic, but there is no one here to disapprove. Besides, I have so much power now, thanks to Lucien, I need to use it for something.

The fragrant smoke fills my lungs and soothes my thoughts. Gods, that’s better. I needed that.

Marriage has certainly filled my life with ups and downs. I’m still reeling from the discovery that Lucien is not a champion of the traditions I hate, but a victim of them. How could I have been so blind?

More importantly, how could Lucien’s parents do that to him? Do they not love him at all? Did they truly only want a well-trained little chess piece? But to what end? I’m truly no great catch and certainly not one to be enthralled by a biddable vessel. Did they originally have their sights set on someone else?

I suck in another lungful of cigar. It’s likely I will never know, so I need to put it aside. What is done, is done. I cannot go back and change Lucien’s childhood. Instead, I need to concentrate on building a life for Lucien and I. And trying to find ways to help Lucien heal. He deserves to be happy. And I never want to see him petrified again.

Maybe he will never fully trust me. After the way I have treated him, that would be understandable. As much as it breaks my heart. But I can still try to make him as comfortable as I can.

Bossing him around in the bedroom is one thing. Will he prefer to be bossed around in day-to-day life too? That’s a thing, isn’t it? I’m sure of it. Some couples in the BDSM lifestyle live that way all the time?

Another puff of smoke fills my lungs. That’s not only a BDSM thing, though. There is no point denying it. That’s also a traditional mage and vessel thing. The mage gives the orders, the vessel obeys. I’ve gone full circle back to everything I despise about high society. And everything Lucien has been trained to expect.

Lucien is a person. With his own thoughts and feelings. He is entitled to autonomy. Just because being told what to do is easier for him, doesn’t mean it’s right. He has been conditioned to be that way. I’ll be taking advantage of him.

I groan heavily and lean back in my chair. Who the hell can I talk to about this? I’m sure finding someone in the BDSM community will be easy enough, but they will be mundane. They won’t understand how Lucien’s upbringing has probably robbed him of his ability to consent to anything.

He literally finds it impossible to say no to me. The thought sinks down into my soul and stirs something dark and menacing. I shouldn’t like that. It shouldn’t turn me on. But gods help me, it does.

I’m fucking doomed, and I have no idea what to do.

My gaze flicks to the drinks cabinet. I swear the blasted thing is taunting me. But I meant what I said. Never again. No more alcohol. No more being an asshole. No more Gregory.

A bitter taste floods my mouth. I’ve truly been a shitty judge of character. And as gullible as they come. How did I not see it? How did I not see that Gregory is a pompous buffoon that feels slighted at not being given Lucien? Gregory’s whispers in my ear about how awful Lucien is, were clearly nothing more than schoolboy spite. Why, oh why, did I allow that man’s poison to seep into me?

Holy gods, thinking about it, every bad word I ever heard about Lucien came from Gregory. He claimed everyone despised Lucien, and he was merely repeating what he had heard, but I never heard it directly from anyone else. It’s all been lies from someone who I thought was my friend.

A shudder wracks my body. Imagine if Lucien had been given to Gregory? What an awful thought. Just thinking about it is turning my stomach and filling me with rage.

Lucien is a sweet and gentle soul. So desperate to please. He does not deserve Gregory. He doesn’t deserve me, but I’m who he has. All I can do is try my best to be better. To give Lucien everything he needs, and to keep him safe. Nothing else is important.

My hand is shaking as I flick the ash of my cigar into the ashtray. Oh my. That last thought is echoing around and around. It’s shocking. Terrifying. Life altering.

Apparently I’ve gone from despising my consort, to being quite besotted.

Fuck.

Chapter fourteen

Lucien

Idon’t want to wake up, but consciousness is calling. Cautiously, I open one eye. I’m fairly certain I am alone. Felford’s presence burns like ice, I’d know if he was here. But I still want to check.

My bed is empty. So is my bedchamber. Night has fallen, but as it is winter, it’s probably still fairly early in the day. Before dinner, at least.