I’m thinking, How am I ever going to be able to live up to this girl’s expectations?
I’m also thinking, What if I jizz too quick, and all over her duvet and her sheets – how are we gonna clean that up?
And before I know it, I’ve lost my wood. Erin pulls back to look at me.
She says, What’s wrong?
And I say, Nothing. Absolutely nothing is wrong. Everything is fine, I am having an amazing time.
She says, Then why aren’t you hard anymore?
And I say, I think I’m just tired. Do you wanna make out some more?
She says, Let’s just listen to the music, and she cranks up the volume on the stereo before lying down with her hands behind her head.
Cold as a motherfucker, this one.
I think about lying down, squeezing next to her on the single bed, but she looks pissed off, so I just sit there at the end of the bed, listening to an angry song about how it’s nice to know you.
And that is the last time we hang out in her bedroom, or my bedroom, because a couple days later she tells me she doesn’t think it’s working, and I am dumped for Gaz, the knob who wears chunky silver chains around his neck and wrists, and drives a white fucking Vauxhall Nova.
T
HIRTY
-E
IGHT
This? he says, turning the book around to look at the cover. Yeah, it is good.
There’s a story in it, he says, about a dude and his doppelgänger – which I really like.
Even his voice and accent are exactly like mine.
Although the delivery – it’s more assured.
I say, A doppelgänger? Like a double?
He says, Exactly.
He gestures for me to sit down on the steps next to him, which I do.
In this story, he says, confident and measured, there’s a kid called William, way back when in England, who meets another boy at school. And this boy, he’s got the same name, the same appearance, he’s even born on the same date.
I whistle in disbelief, because what the fuck?
He says, Crazy, right? So this boy tries giving William some advice, but William isn’t going to take any of that. Anyway, William goes to university, gets into sketchy shit like cheating at cards, hooking up with married women. That kind of thing.
But each time, his doppelgänger stops him from doing the thing, just as he’s about to do it.
I say, That’s got to be pretty frustrating for William. What happens?
Well, our William gets so mad, he drags his doppelgänger into a room and stabs him to death.
While he’s telling me this story, Other Me is looking at my face, and even though I’ve got a cap and sunglasses on, I’m feeling like maybe the disguise isn’t enough.
He says, Do I know you from somewhere? You look kind of familiar.
I say, I don’t think so. I’ve only been here for a couple of months, and most of that I spent cooped up in an apartment with a broken leg.
Yikes, he says. That must have driven you nuts.
Then his eyes light up and he snaps his fingers: Got it! That actor, Takeshi Kaneshiro. That’s who you remind me of.
This is something my mother said to me one time when I was a kid.
Very handsome, she said.
But then I googled this actor, and saw that I looked nothing like him.
Other Me, he says, It’s hard to say with those sunglasses on, though. Why don’t you take them off?
I’m thinking, How the hell do I get out of this one then?
And then I think, Fuck it.
So I take off my sunglasses, and wait for the incredulous reaction from Other Me as he realizes we’re practically the same person.
