Done and gone.
I tried the door, found it unlocked and walked right in.
The TV was on and Ren was in jeans and a tee, lounging like the hot guy he was on the couch, watching it. But the minute I entered, his eyes turned to me.
My mouth filled with saliva.
I tore my eyes from him and made a beeline to his kitchen.
I heard the TV go off.
I didn’t take this as a good sign.
I dropped the key on his counter and moved out of the kitchen.
He caught me at the doorway. Arm hooking my waist, he shuffled me to the side and closed in so I was back to the wall and Ren was pressed to me.
I looked up at him and his face was set to sweet.
Somebody.
Please.
Kill me.
“We need to talk this through, baby,” he said in a voice set the same way.
But this time there was no way he was going to get to me through his sweet.
“We haven’t talked about much in all the time we’ve been together,” I replied. “Except this. And we never agreed. I’m thinking we never will. You’ve got a life to lead, so do I. So I also think we should get on with doing that.”
His free hand came to my jaw and I fought swallowing because I didn’t want him to get anything from me. He already had enough.
In fact, everything.
“You love someone, you compromise. We’ll find a way to compromise,” he told me.
“What you mean is, I’ll find a way to compromise,” I told him.
“Ally—”
I was losing it, so my voice was scratchy when I asked quickly, “Why are you doing this?”
His fingers flexed into my flesh and his face got closer when he answered, “Because I believe in us.”
“There is no us,” I returned.
“There’s always been an us, but I get you needed not to believe in that and why. That said, you can’t deny there’s been an us the last three days, honey.”
“That was all fantasy.”
He blinked and whispered, “What?”
“That Ren and that Ally don’t exist. That was just you and me wanting to believe we could. But we couldn’t. We fight. We don’t agree on important things. We want the same thing in different ways. We don’t work, but for those three days, we pretended we do. We can’t pretend anymore, Ren. We have to be honest, see this isn’t going anywhere and move on.”
“So you’re saying right now you’re going to get your shit and leave and not sit down and see if we can work on finding a future we both believe in?” he asked.
“What I’m saying right now is that I think all that’s been said has said it all.”
“Right, then, you’re not in a space right now where you’re up for talkin’ about this, so I’ll ask you don’t make any decisions. Stick with me, sleep beside me, and tomorrow when we’re less raw, we give each other that time.”
I shook my head. “Nothing’s going to change, Ren.”
“It won’t if you don’t give it a shot, Ally.”
I held his eyes and laid it out. “You don’t believe in me.”
His jaw got tight.
Yep.
He didn’t believe in me.
Fuck.
Again my fucking eyes got fucking hot, but again I powered right the fuck through to end this.
“Even if I could talk you around, I can’t live with a man who doesn’t believe in me. And I can’t do what I have to do out there with half a mind to wondering what you’ll think about this case or that decision or a client or how you’ll react when I come home and tell you about my day. I wouldn’t have to worry about any of that shit if you trusted me. Believed in me. But you don’t and you won’t, because you don’t want this for me, or for you, or for our future. So what is the fucking point of dragging this shit out now when it already hurts in a way that if we even gave it days, it would kill?”
