“You can get away to go shoppin’ with Daisy, you can get away to have lunch with me.”

Shit. I needed to learn not to share. The more he knew, the more he could use.

And he used it.

Daisy, by the way, was another Rock Chick. She wasn’t hooked up with a Hot Bunch guy. She was married to Marcus Sloan, a colleague of Ren’s (as it were). That was to say legitimate at the same time dirty.

I also stayed out of Marcus’s business. This was because I liked him, regardless of the dirty part of what he did. And I liked him not only because he was a nice guy, but mostly because he loved Daisy to distraction.

Daisy, as it tended to be with the Rock Chicks, was a little nuts. She looked like Dolly Parton, talked like her, dressed like Dolly would if she was on speed, and Daisy’s heart was made of pure gold.

So I loved her, and that meant Marcus loving her and knocking himself out to give her a good life (after one that was really not so good) worked for me.

“Zano—” I started.

His voice was gentle and sweet when he stated, “We have to talk, baby.”

“About what?” I asked, but I knew, and this was beginning to get hard.

I was real. I said it like it was. I wasn’t into duplicity and avoidance (okay, maybe a little into duplicity, if the situation warranted it). But definitely not with someone who meant something to me. And regardless of the boundaries I was working to keep around our relationship, Ren meant something to me.

It took a moment to realize he didn’t answer.

“Zano?” I called.

“You know about what,” he stated, and as I mentioned, I did.

He said nothing.

I didn’t either.

Then he came to a decision.

No, that wasn’t strictly true.

It was then he came to a decision because I’d forced his hand.

“Don’t like this shit, would never do it, but you give me no choice, Ally,” he said and my heart lurched.

“What are you talking about?” I asked, thankful my voice sounded strong rather than pained, which was what my insides felt like.

“Ending things with a woman on the phone.”

Oh God.

Shit.

Fuck!

“Ren—” I whispered.

“You’re not willing to go there with me. You’ve made it clear, baby,” he said, still gentle and sweet. “Why you need that, I don’t know. I just know you do. I also know what I want for the future, and that includes wife and kids. So as much as I like what we got, it’s important you know where I’m at. If you’re not into exploring that kind of future with me, Ally, we gotta cut each other loose.”

I had to give it to him, he sounded like he didn’t like saying those words, and it was very clear he was trying to handle me with care. And I appreciated that.

Still, it hurt.

But he was right. We weren’t going there.

So we had to cut each other loose.

“I… I have…” I stammered, shook myself mentally and physically and got my shit together. “I’m not ready for that Ren.”

“Right,” he whispered, and didn’t hide his disappointment.

I closed my eyes tight and felt my throat constrict.

“Be safe,” he said quietly. “And be happy, baby.”

Oh God.

Shit.

Fuck!

“You too, Ren,” I forced out through my tight throat.

“Yeah,” he murmured. “Bye, Ally.”

“Bye, Ren.”

He disconnected.

I let my hand drop and stared at my steering wheel.

It took a while, a very long while, before I got myself together enough to turn the ignition and drive myself home.

That night and the nights after, I didn’t sleep in my bed. I slept on my couch.

And I did this because the sheets smelled of Ren and I didn’t have it in me to endure the memory of what we had.

But I also didn’t have it in me to strip them and wash him away.

Chapter Five

Backbone

Rock Chick Rewind