“No one talks about her,” I continue. “There are no paintings, no references to her being at the Calldyr executions. Nothing. It’s like you were hatched and not born.”
The moment stretches between us.
“She left when I was young. Their marriage contract said an heir had to survive to the age of ten, and then she was free to go, which is what she did. I haven’t seen or heard from her since.” His voice sounds like he dragged it across broken glass.
“Oh.” My hand splays wide on his chest. “I’m sorry.” Now I feel like shit for asking.
“I’m not.” He shrugs. “What else do you want to know? Because I can’t do this again. I can’t go through months of uncertainty fighting to get you back, not knowing if I’ve fucked up the only thing that really matters in my life.” His eyes close briefly. “Not that I won’t if that’s what you need.”
“When did it manifest?” I slide my hand up to his neck. “The signet?”
“About a month after the shadows did. I’d already seen Carr kill another first-year for reading minds, so when it hit, I held my shit together and went to Sgaeyl, and when Carr asked if I’d had any other strange abilities emerge, since they knew Sgaeyl had bonded one of my relatives, I lied my ass off. And when my ability to control shadows seemed stronger than they’d expected, they had no reason to dig deeper.” A corner of his mouth tilts upward. “It helps that rider of record was thought to be a great uncle, not my grandfather.”
“She’s really the only one who knows?”
“She’s it. She made me promise not to tell anyone. She thinks anyone who knows will have me killed—or use me as a weapon.”
“Shit, isn’t that exactly what I did?” The second we were with Melgren, I’d asked—
“No,” he whispers, lifting a hand and brushing the backs of his fingers along my cheek. “You asked me for the good of the mission, but you’d never use it for personal gain.” He leans in, resting his forehead against mine. “Tell me we’re all right. Tell me this didn’t break us.”
“Promise you won’t use it on me again.” I hold his gaze and curl my fingers into the fabric of his shirt.
“I promise,” he whispers, then kisses me softly. “Now, do you want your presents?”
“Presents?” I arch my body up against his.
“You lost two of your daggers fighting Solas. I had two new ones made.” A slow smile spreads across his face. “Just have to disarm me, and they’re yours.”
I slide my hand down his chest and do just that.
December nineteenth. I write the date on the next blank sheet of parchment in my notebook, then stare. We’re two days away from solstice, and still the Assembly won’t budge. But it’s only an eight-hour flight to Samara, so I’m holding on to the hope that we’ll do the right thing.
“Anything in Lyra’s journal?” Rhiannon asks as she slides into the seat next to me at Battle Brief.
Nearly every head in our squad turns toward me, and the weight of their expectations forms a pit in my stomach. It’s the same question every day, and I don’t have an answer.
“I told you guys, once she finishes, I’ll let you know.” It only took one frustrating day trying to translate and failing before I handed it over to Jesinia.
I haul my new conduit out of my pack and set it in my lap. Felix gave them to every second- and third-year last week, and theirs are out, too, the riders imbuing shiny pieces of alloy for daggers with every spare second and ounce of energy they have. But mine has a special addition I asked him for after our battle with Solas: a strap of a bracelet to keep from losing it in combat. It’s long enough to let the orb slide into my palm, but keeps it strapped to my arm in case I need to free myself for hand-to-hand.
The fliers have been working on carving shimmering maorsite arrowheads to fill their quivers as well.
Over the last two weeks since our meeting with Melgren, the atmosphere has changed from war college to straight up war. There’s a nervous energy in the house that reminds me of the charge in the air just before a storm. All second-and third-years are being instructed in runes, and even I can admit, Cat is still the best of our year. She’s the only one of us who’s mastered a tracking rune, capable of tracking someone else’s rune. Mind-blowing.
Our forge is glowing nonstop to produce weapons, and every rider has been pulled from the coastal outposts and pushed to the border regions, both with Navarre and Poromiel.
“Settle down!” Professor Devera orders from the center of the stage as Brennan joins her, and the theater quickly falls quiet. “That’s better.”
Ridoc puts his feet up on the chair ahead of him, and Rhiannon swats them down, leveling a behave-or-else look at him.
“What?” he grumbles, sitting up straight. “You’ve heard the death roll for the last week. No losses to discuss.”
“As most of you know, we have no new attacks to report,” Devera begins, and Ridoc shoots Rhi an I-told-you-so raise of his brows. “But what we do have is an updated map we think is over ninety percent accurate, thanks to flying patrols.”
She turns toward the giant map of the Continent and lifts her hands. Red flags begin moving in an undeniable pattern, pulling away from known strongholds and gathering to the east.
Most settle directly across the border from Samara, while a few red flags spread out along our border.
“They’ve left Pavis,” Ridoc notes, leaning forward.
“They’ve left…everywhere in the south,” Sawyer adds. “And the Tyrrish border, too.”
The north, in the provinces of Cygnisen and Braevick, is still spattered with red.
“But not Zolya.” Maren sighs a few seats down on the left, and Cat presses her lips in a tight line next to her.
They obviously don’t know our wards aren’t operating at full strength.
“What can you ascertain from their reported movements?” Devera asks,turning back around to face us.
Brennan folds his arms in front of his chest and looks down at his feet before lifting his gaze to us. I know that look. He’s feeling guilty.
