Grant House. My family home.
But not my home.
My home was here. My home was him. The man saying goodbye to me. And he didn’t even know it. I hadn’t been strong enough to tell him then, back when it mattered.
But I was strong enough now.
I turned in the entry. “I have something to say to you before I go. I’m going to tell you what I’m thinking, even though you didn’t ask.” I braced myself. “I love you, Justin.”
He blinked at me.
I took a deep breath. “I know that I hurt you when I left. And to be honest, I couldn’t have done anything differently at that time. I was traumatized and dealing with PTSD. Back then, I couldn’t even tell you how I felt about you. I didn’t even want to admit it to myself because it scared me so much.” I licked my lips. “I miss you. I miss the kids. I miss the dog. I think about you every day, I scour Sarah’s Snap stories for little pieces of you and listen to the last voicemail you sent me, and it’s sad and pathetic and I don’t even care. I wanted to call you so many times, but I was trying to deal with what happened to me and I knew I wouldn’t be good for you, so I decided to leave you alone. And some of that was me still being scared because with you the stakes are so high. I didn’t know if I could recover if you didn’t want me anymore. I needed to do more work on myself to be ready for that, and I have. I was coming here to see you today when Sarah called me. I was already in Minneapolis. And seeing her was hard too because I didn’t know if she could forgive me either, and I went anyway. You might not understand what a big deal that is, but it’s huge. It’s progress and it’s growth and I was brave and I showed up.
“I know it probably doesn’t matter, but I could meet you where you are now. I can meet all of you. I’ve filled my cracks. I don’t want to be an island. I want a village. I want lots of friends and lots of love in my life. I stayed somewhere for the first time without any plans to leave, I unpacked my luggage and I kept the stupid box to my new phone and I have way more than two suitcases’ worth of stuff. I took a permanent job and I’ve been going to therapy. I’m learning to depend on people and ask for help. I’m trying to be vulnerable, even when I know I might end up getting hurt, and part of that is telling people how I feel.” I took a deep breath. “I know I never said I love you. You have to understand how hard that word was for me. Everyone I have ever loved has been taken from me except for Maddy. And even with her I was always braced for it. So I just never let myself get close to anyone because that’s the only way I ever felt safe. But with you…”
I peered at him, tearing up. His eyes were wide.
“I didn’t have a choice with you,” I said. “I couldn’t keep you out. I want you to know that I loved you at first sight, Justin. It just took me a really long time to be able to tell you what I saw.”
He let out a shaky puff of air.
“I love you,” I said again. “I’m sorry it came so late. You deserved to hear it sooner. When it still mattered.”
He was staring at me through tears. He didn’t move and he didn’t say anything. But I didn’t regret telling him. I was proud of myself for coming here and telling him. The words were his and he should have them.
I pulled in a shuddering breath and turned for the door. Then I pivoted back around. “Also, I’m not leaving until I check Chelsea’s ears. If you want to stop me, you’re going to have to tackle me.” I stepped around him and started for the stairs.
“Emma…”
Before I could process what was happening, he was spinning me into his chest. I blinked up at him in surprise.
“Not again,” he breathed. His eyes pleaded with me. “Don’t walk out on me again.”
It took me a moment to comprehend what he was saying. It was such a change from the moment before. “Please,” he begged.
“I would stay forever if you asked me,” I whispered.
“Then stay.”
I broke in half.
I peered up at him, at the open expression he wore. The dozens of emotions. Everything I thought I’d lost was suddenly flooding out of him.
He still loved me. He forgave me.
I knew in that moment that I would never run again. If he really did want me, I would dock for a lifetime. I would do it all. I would move in here and raise these kids with him and be still and big and present. I knew how to now.
I started crying. Sobbing.
He was crying too.
I don’t know how long we stood there in the doorway wiping tears off each other’s faces and whispering I love you. Long enough that the laughter of relief rolled in. The smiling and nodding and brushing hair off wet cheeks.
Alex came home and fist pumped in the doorway and then ran upstairs calling Sarah. Chelsea escaped her sister and came down holding her blanket and stood there hugging our legs. Sarah smiled from the top of the steps and didn’t look the least bit grossed out by the scene.
And it was perfect.
All of it was perfect. An encapsulated moment.
Justin looked in my eyes. “You know,” he said, “if the curse is true, the next person you date is going to be your soulmate.”
I smiled. “The next person you date’s going to be yours too.”
He cupped my face in his palms. “I was wondering if you’d like to go out with me sometime,” he whispered. “Four dates. A kiss. No breakup.”
I laughed, the tears starting to well again. “Not just for the summer?”
“No. Forever this time.”
EPILOGUE
r/AmItheasshole 2 weeks ago
Posted by just_in_267
AITA for proposing to my girlfriend on a Toilet King Billboard?
So I [31m] have been dating my live-in girlfriend [31F] for the last two years.
