WE WERE BALANCED. ISAY WAS MY COUNTERWEIGHT: LOVELY, selfless, good in every possible way, a sunshine in my darkness. She compensated for everything I lacked and therefore we were perfectly balanced when her shield crashed and the tentacles reappeared.

However, she had no control and letting go of her now would be my death sentence. Oh, how the roles had reversed.

The power coursing into me was intense, but so was the ecos drawn out. Balanced. I didn’t need to force myself to stop as had been the case with Sela. I was free to keep on consuming every bit of her, because she would not run dry. Neither would I, unless I moved away with her tentacles still attached.

After the sex we’d just had, I didn’t think there was a way to be even more connected to Isay, but I was wrong. Sharing a life force was infinitely more so.

“What do you think we should do about it?” I mused, enjoying the glow on her cheeks and her fumbling more than the situation called for. While we were at the moment not hurting each other, it was anyone’s guess just how long this would last.

“I can try to recreate the shield,” Isay rescinded hesitantly. She was unsure of herself.

I wanted more than anything to enjoy the aftermath of incredible sex and tell her just how little she had to worry about, but we had some problem solving to do before we could get to that.

“You don’t sound confident, beautiful.” I was still amused. Damn me if you want, but I relished in the connection. With her, I was unstoppable. We were a force to be reckoned with.

“I think the barbs are the shield,” Isay said. “If I try to retract them and don’t manage to create the shield, you’ll consume me.”

“If I’ll let go and you don’t manage to pull the barbs, you’ll consume me.” I did not hate the idea. There were worse ways to die than in the arms of the women you loved.

I loved her. I’d confessed as much to her mere moments ago. Worst timing ever. Everyone tells you not to say it during sex, and I’d all but blurted it anyway.

I shifted and rolled off her to give her some space to figure this out, but she cried out a panicked, “Karmuth!” when I moved. The tentacles immediately retracted, and I made sure I wasn’t touching her.

Isay fumed. “What were you thinking? I could’ve killed you!”

“But you didn’t.” I wasn’t going to tell her I hadn’t intended to stop touching her until she was ready to try something.

“Don’t scare me like that again.” Her head plopped on the pillow, she turned to face me beside her.

Her concern for me was sweet as honey. “Beautiful, is that your way of saying you’re in love with me, too?” I drawled.

“You are so full of yourself,” she mumbled, turning her head away to hide from me. It’s then that she realised we were both still gloriously naked and started pulling at the blanket under her body to cover up.

“You might want to take a shower first,” I suggested.

She was across the room in record time. I didn’t mean to make her uncomfortable, but apparently I’d crossed a line, and she was unwilling to talk about it. I supposed my compliments were not welcomed, either.

Clearly dismissed, I pulled myself out of Isay’s bed and redressed in my leathers. After a short search I found a delicate nightgown that I left for her just behind the bathroom door. By the time she peeked out I’d checked all the windows, locked the doors to her balcony and the hallway, and was sitting in the armchair overlooking the whole room.

I tried not to devour Isay with my gaze when she stepped out, wearing only the thin layer I’d left for her, but it was difficult.

I was going to have a long, long night ahead of me and not because I’d remain on guard duty. I could guard the king’s bedchambers without an issue, but with Isay this close, after what I knew she could offer… I was going to have a hard time concentrating.

She slipped under the covers and pulled the blanket up to her chin but remained seated with her back against the bedrest and eyes on me.

I gave her what I hoped was a charming smile and waited for her to make the first move. My words were toxic, because all I wanted to say was that I loved her again and she’d avoided it the first two times. I’d better suck it up and act cool. She’d either come around, or we could make our own deal beneficial for both of us, but essentially designed to ruin me entirely.

Fact of the matter was, I’d take anything I could from her. Should she want what I had to offer, I’d be down to burn a slow, torturous death under her touch.

“How come your eyes are blue?” Isay asked after what felt like eternal silence.

Her question took me completely off guard, because I hadn’t expected it. If anything, I figured she’d talk about the shield, since she obviously wasn’t going to talk about what we’d done.

“I’ve been asking myself the same exact thing ever since I realised it is not common. The obvious answer? Must have something to do with my parents.”

“You don’t know?” She leaned forward, hugging her knees through the blanket and swaying slightly, which was the most adorable thing.

“Never met them.” It was easy to pretend among the warriors that it didn’t bother me. With Isay, however, the hurt was clear in my uneven voice.

Still, I tried to shrug it off as if it didn’t bother me. With the recent development of my feeding needs, it disturbed me—and then some. I wished I’d have someone who knew what I was going through to discuss this with.

“I’m sorry.” Isay traced shapes on the mattress with her fingers.

I got the impression that even though she wasn’t comfortable talking about what we had between us, she didn’t want to fall asleep in the tense atmosphere we’d created—I’d created.

She appeared to struggle to find safe topics as much as I did.

“All I know so far is that one of them was Vindican and the other Felrothian. As for my eyes? Neither should’ve carried the gene.”

“I like them,” she confessed. “And your hair. I like it, too.”

And me. You like me. I wasn’t going to push her to say it again, though.

That wouldn’t lessen the tension, and as much as I’d loved hearing her say it, I could wait until she was ready to admit it again in a less intimate situation.

It was easy to say you liked someone, if you liked how they could make you feel. That’s exactly why saying I loved her in the heat of the moment was so wrong. She might’ve thought I hadn’t meant it.

“Thank you, beautiful. I like just about everything about you.” Ah, no I couldn’t keep my mouth completely shut. I also sounded like a teenager, but I wouldn’t take it back.

She smiled, which was a good sign. She wasn’t running from my admission.

“I can’t say I know what it’s like for you,” Isay said quietly after another lengthened silence. “I’ve always had my mother, even though at times she can be incredibly infuriating. I never knew my dad, though. She used to talk about him, but then she stopped. I’ve forgotten most of the stories.”

I wanted to console her, but I didn’t know how. “Your mother is doing her best,” I finally managed.

“I know,” she sighed. “And she does deserve to be happy. I am glad she chose to be happy, but where does that leave me? Why couldn’t I carry the memory of my father with me longer? I didn’t want to let it go the way she did.”

“You do not have to let him go.”

She frowned. “But I do not remember him.”

“I don’t remember either of my parents. That doesn’t mean I’ve stopped thinking about them.” I’d rather keep the conversation light, but there was no way back from this confession, so I’d better just say it all. “Some days I don’t quite know who I am, and I wish they’d left me some clues I could follow.”

Isay’s mouth parted at my honesty. “But you’re… well, you’re you. You’re always so determined and confident.”

Warmth spread through my chest at her compliment. I was beginning to like our heart-to-heart more and more by the minute.

“That’s because I know what I want. It’s often simpler.” I made sure to keep our eye contact so that she’d know I wanted her and was determined and confident, as she put it, in my goal.