Julia considered for a moment. “So, this must have happened right away?”
“It would seem so.” Her cheeks burned. The evidence of her hungry
sexuality being baldly presented this way embarrassed her.
Julia gave her an indulgent smile but thankfully remained focused on the topic at hand. “Let me reassure you that every new mother is nervous at first. It's
overwhelming. You're hardly the first to be upset by it.”
“But this is different,” Katerina said, her voice nearly a whine.
“How so?” Julia asked.
Her eyes stung. “You know what I come from. What if I pass it on? What if I
hurt my baby?”
Julia shook her head slowly from side to side. “You won't.”
“How can you be sure?”
“Do you want to?”
Katerina frowned. “Of course not.”
Julia patted her again. “Then you won't. Don't worry, Katerina. Everyone
will help you. You won't be left to deal with this alone.”
“I don't want to deal with it at all. I don't want to be pregnant. I don't want a
baby.” She hadn't meant to say it aloud. She glanced at Julia, expecting to see anger or disapproval in her mother-in-law's expression.
She saw none of those things.
“That's quite normal, my dear,” Julia said softly in a neutral sounding voice.
“Don't be angry with yourself for feeling this way. I was no different the first time, and like you, I conceived quickly after the wedding. It often passes. Even if
you're never fully comfortable with motherhood, it's possible to do the best you
can for the child you have and then not have any more.”
“Is that what you did?” she blurted without thinking, and then she cringed.
What a terrible thing to ask.
Julia took no offense. Her face and tone remained kind. “No. Some of my friends did. After a time, towards the middle of the pregnancy, my feelings changed. I grew glad, but neither way is wrong. You feel what you feel. It's the
actions that count.”
Katerina steadied herself with a deep breath. “That's good to know.”
“How's Christopher?” Julia asked, shifting the topic.
“Excited and happy. I haven't been able to tell him how upsetting this is.”
“Perhaps it's best if you don't,” her mother-in-law suggested. “He won't
know what to do about it, and it's possible your feelings will change down the road, once you adjust a little.”
“I hope so,” Katerina admitted. “Right now, I'm just terrified.”
“It's not a bad thing, dear. It means you are thinking about your
responsibilities. A child could do much worse than having a thoughtful mother.”
“As a comfort, I'm afraid it falls a little short.”
“I'm sure.” Julia hugged her. The warm, motherly arms soothed her more
than any words. “Try not to panic, Katerina. You're not alone. You have many people who love you and want you to be a successful mother.”
“Thank you,” she choked, undone by the outpouring of support. I love my husband, but his family makes the whole thing perfect.
“Do you know what you need, dear?” Julia asked, pulling back to look into
