As if she could deny what was true, so she stared at him.
“I’ve been a fool.” Sighing, Ramiel dropped his chin to his chest. “A fool that only saw that he wanted a thing when it was lost to him.”
A ringing sound started in Haziel’s ears. She couldn’t have heard him right. “What?”
“You see, I always knew you loved me, but I became complacent in that love, sure that it would always be mine. You are such a creature of constancy, Haziel. For as long as there was me, there was you beside me, loving me. And then that love was gone, and I finally understood how precious a gift I had squandered.”
If he hadn’t looked so crushed, the irony of it might have made her laugh. How many times had she fantasized, longed for him to say these things to her. And now…
Now she understood that love was not a thing of awe and hero worship. Love was vital and primal and messy and glorious. It was in the tiny things like the way Wrath’s eyes crinkled when he smiled. Or the way he very rarely laughed, but when he did, it came from the depths of him and made her want to hear it again and again. In the way he touched her, at times reverent and at times raunchy, sometimes both together. No, love was not a distant pining for an illusion, but a soul deep understanding of another being that made you feel like you were home.
Ramiel was staring at her. “Say something.”
“I don’t know what to say.” For the sake of their history and their future, she would not tell him what she was thinking, but she could only ever be honest. “My feelings have changed.”
“I understand.” He cleared his throat. “But we have been together for many years, Haziel, and on the basis of that, I would ask something of you.”
“What?” Tension and dread knotted in her stomach.
“For the sake of the love you once felt, and its duration, I would ask that you not reject me out of hand. Stay here, recover, and think about what I have said. You are not one to lightly change how they feel. If there is a chance that what you once felt for me is there inside you, buried beneath your anger, I would ask that you give it a chance to flourish again.”
He had called her back to his host. She could not leave. “To what end?”
“To us being together.” He gestured between them. “Being mates here who work and love together. Who rule my host together.”
She opened her mouth to tell him it was pointless, but he held up his hand.
“I know you believe you won’t change your heart, but for the sake of the love you bore me, at least give it a chance to wake again.”
“And if it doesn’t?”
Ramiel gave her a grave smile. “Then we will find a way to work together as close friends. But I vow to you that whatever your decision, I will never knowingly put you in harm’s way again, and I will never take you for granted. If I have lost you, then I will bear that as I must, but regardless, you are owed a deep and heartfelt apology for what I did. I can only hope that somewhere within that huge, beautiful heart of yours, you can forgive the unforgivable.”
He left her then, closing the door to his bedchamber behind him.
All his actions since he’d brought her back here spoke of his regret, putting her in his quarters, caring for her himself. She had never seen him take such actions for another being in all her time with him. And now it meant so little to her.
How long had she ached to lie where she was, and now she couldn’t bear lying here.
The room was as cold and monotone as the rest of Ramiel’s palace. Where once she had seen all the gleaming white as pure and clean, now she only saw a soulless lack of color. Ramiel had leaned hard into the archangel aesthetic when he had created his palace. Everywhere she looked, it was white. White floors and walls, white furniture, white pillars holding up a molded white ceiling. The only break in the white was a change in texture. Not even the merest hint of blush or beige ever made it past Ramiel’s keen eye.
She longed for a bright pillow, even a pastel one to break the monotony.
She longed for Wrath.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Sophia stood by the hell gate as Wrath said goodbye to Eddie.
“I’ll be back.” He kissed Eddie’s forehead. “And if you need me, you have but to call.”
Eddie looked woebegone and so much younger than her years as she stared up at him. “But why can’t you stay?”
“My demesne is in shambles.” He gently took her hands. “As much as I would love to stay here with you, I need to see what order I can establish. I also need to find out if there’s another way, other than you, to repair those seals.” He glanced at Shade. “And I will also check on Shade’s demesne while he remains here with you. In the end, I am a hell prince, and I need to serve my purpose.”
“But Shade is staying.” Eddie blinked back tears. “If he can stay, why can’t you?”
Sophia’s heart broke for both of them, and she decided to help Wrath out. “With Wrath going back, it is easier for Shade to stay.” She had never thought she would see Wrath sacrifice his needs for another. But then, she had never seen a hell prince or an archangel acknowledge a child and then seek to preserve their relationship with that child. Always they had hunted Nephilim to extinction, called them abominations and condemned their existence. From what she’d seen, Nephilim brought out the best in a supernatural being.
Eddie blinked up at Wrath. “You’re going so he can stay?”
“Partly, but there also is a lot that needs doing, and quickly.” Wrath shot a look at Shade that promised endless retribution if Shade did not prove worthy of what he did today. “But the bond between us is alive now, and all you need to do is call me to you, and I will come.”
Voice almost childlike, Eddie whispered, “Promise.”
“I vow it.” Wrath pressed their joined hands to his heart. “There is nothing that could keep me from you.” He forced a smile. “And when this is all over, perhaps you could spend some time in my demesne.” His jaw tightened. “With Shade, of course.”
“I’d like that.” Eddie swallowed. “And if you need me, you have to promise you’ll call for me. That bond works two ways, you know.”
“Yes, it does.”
Sophia swallowed her tears at the infinite gentleness in Wrath as he bid his child goodbye. He would be back soon, and if she were a betting angel, she would lay money on sooner than even Eddie expected him.
Wrath enfolded Eddie into a hug. “Keep practicing with Sophia. Make yourself safe.”
Over Eddie’s head, he looked at Shade and nodded. Grief was carved into his handsome face and shadowed the cerulean of his eyes. It wasn’t only leaving Eddie that had etched sadness into Wrath, and Sophia ached for him. Perhaps she felt an echo of her own pain and regret in Wrath’s. In the lonely hours she spent in her cozy room at the local B&B, questions taunted her. What if she hadn’t waited and spoken to Shade? Would he have loved her like he did Eddie? Probably not. And that was the most depressing thought of all.
