“And I’m so proud of you for leaving her. It takes real strength to do what you did, and I just wanted you to know that,” Kim said with tears welling up in her eyes.
“Thank you.”
Kim had seen every part of me. She knew my past and wanted to be a part of my future. I had self-worth again, and I was excited to see what our lives together would be like. But even after such a wonderful moment, thoughts of Amelia were still scratching away on the back of my mind, and I knew she would be frantically calling my phone or even driving up here in a blind rage. I couldn’t truly be in the moment with Kim, even though I desperately wanted to until I’d dealt with her. In some small way, I started feeling like my old self again, and the old Harry wouldn’t leave Amelia hanging like that, no matter how she’d treated me.
“I’m sorry. I just need to make a phone call. It’ll be ten minutes, okay?” I said softly.
“Okay,” Kim smiled as I gave her a kiss on the cheek.
Physically leaving Amelia was one thing, but not anticipating the need to emotionally leave her was another Even though she was over a hundred miles away, I was still firmly in her clutches. That wouldn’t change until I faced her head-on and told her exactly what was going on. I owed it to myself and to Kim to finally end the relationship so we could all start to heal. I walked away from the party towards Filey Brigg and gathered all the courage and strength that Kim had instilled in me. I turned my phone back on, and the missed call notifications filled the screen. Along with all the calls was a single text message from Amelia.
I’m pregnant.
The world stopped spinning. The wind had stopped blowing, and the grass ceased swaying. Every hope I held on to for a clean break with Amelia was left shattered. A child. I nearly launched my phone as far as the eye could see. I was hit by a tsunami of dread, fear and rage as the fantasy I’d held onto of never seeing Amelia again was crushed under the pressure. She would use the child as a way of forcing me back, and before I knew it, I would be back in the same position. Once she found out that I’d planned on leaving her, she was going to kill me. There was no question.
My thumb hovered over the call button, but I had no idea what I was going to say. Every slither of my being needed to tell her it was over and I wasn’t ever going to see her again. I wanted to threaten her with the police if she ever came near Kim and me. I craved the catharsis of the breakup and to truly know that she knew it was over. I started to plan the conversation out in my head, but I couldn’t form the words. I was so dumbfounded by the news that I could barely think straight, and I’d stopped in my tracks.
Kim was still looking at me from the fire, and I smiled back at her half-heartedly. I reminded myself of what she said. I was strong. I had courage. She was proud of me. The pregnancy would inevitably complicate things, but it didn’t change the fact that my marriage needed to end. I’d be there for my child, but Amelia and I could never be together again. I felt strong for even coming this far, but I didn’t know if I had the strength I’d need to follow this through, given the news.
I hit call.
And instead of a dialling tone, all I heard was a noise indicating the call couldn’t connect. I tried again and again, but the signal was so spotty it wouldn’t go through. The anticlimax left my mouth dry, so I grabbed a bottle of water from the car and had a quick drink before I started walking closer to Filey Brigg with the intention of finding more signal.
I continued to make one call after another, but I still didn’t have any luck getting them through. I reached the Filey Brigg viewpoint, and I still didn’t have any signal. I mustn’t be as fit as I thought because I was out of breath even after the short walk. I put it down to the anxiety I felt for the call. In my stupor, I’d forgotten that I had the secret phone in my pocket, but I really didn’t want Amelia to have the number. I turned it on, and it had a full signal. I almost finished the bottle of water in preparation and hit call, but I withheld my number. My heart was beating through my chest, and I was sweating buckets in anticipation. The phone rang ominously, and after only a couple of rings, Amelia answered.
“Amelia?” I said.
“Harry, is that you? What’s happened? I couldn’t get through to your phone,” Amelia frantically asked. I could tell she had been sobbing.
“I don’t have any signal. I’ve had to borrow someone’s phone.”
“Whose phone?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Harry, did you get my message then?” she agitatedly asked.
“I did.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Not great.”
“What’s the matter?”
“I don’t know how to say this, so I’m just going to say it,” I gulped, “I can’t do this anymore.”
“I know you can’t, but please don’t.”
“You know?”
“I know about the affair and the flat you’ve started renting. But I’m having your child, Harry. It’s all going to be okay. Just come home. We can fix this.”
I expected Amelia to become extremely angry and start screaming at me down the phone, but she was uncharacteristically calm about this. Just hearing her talk like that made me almost doubt what I’d planned on doing. But I forcefully reminded myself what she had done to me. The constant mocking and sadistic jeering. The perpetual threat of violence. Or the unending dread that one day she would take it too far, and I’d end up losing my life. More importantly, I reminded myself of what Kim had said. I was strong, and I could do this.
“No, Amelia, we can’t fix it. It’s never going to be the same again, and I have to do this. We won’t ever be together again, do you understand that?” I said, starting to weep.
“Harry, I’m sorry for what I did. But it was because I love you so much,” Amelia sobbed.
“I’m sorry. I’ve already made the decision. Goodbye, Amelia,” I hoarsely whispered.
The phone slipped from my hand and down on the rocky outcrop below, bouncing towards the edge. Suddenly, I felt incredibly dizzy and unsure on my feet, and the scene around me started spinning. I tried walking over to my phone to retrieve it, but I could barely put one foot in front of the other. I got a few feet away, and I could hear Amelia shouting my name down the phone. I dropped to my hands and knees to retrieve my phone, but I ended up batting it even closer to the edge. I almost felt as if I was drifting in and out of consciousness. I reached out for my phone, but I was so uncoordinated I couldn’t get a grip on it. It suddenly felt like my lungs had stopped working, and I was struggling violently for every breath. I put everything I had into getting back onto my feet, but I was so unbalanced that even the steady sea breeze was making me stumble.
I looked out towards the North Sea, and the bewilderment of my situation had cleared. I didn’t know how she did it, but somehow, it was Amelia. She was always at least one step ahead of me, and in a pathetic attempt to hold onto control, she decided it was better to end my life than let me go. For the first time in a long time, I had hope for a brighter future. I fell in love again. Amelia had allowed me to have a miniscule taste of what my life could be before she violently snatched it away from me. In the end, the only thing she ever wanted from me was total submission. Once I’d escaped the control she had over me, she would have done anything to get it back. I didn’t know whether her desire in my final moments to fix our marriage was genuine or it was a final, cruel trick she was playing on me. Even though I knew it was the end, I smiled faintly because my resolve had remained strong, and my last act towards her was one of defiance.
My heartbeat felt so powerful, and I could feel it in the back of my throat. But each beat slowly became further apart, and the strength started deteriorating. My vision started to fade to black, and my legs gave way. The last thing I felt was a vague sense of falling at speed.
And then, nothing.
XX
JUDGEMENT
AMELIA
Squeeze. Just a few more seconds and she would be unconscious. They say that your life flashes before your eyes when you are close to death, and I wondered what Kim was seeing. The romantic walks on the beach with my husband or the sordid liaisons when he should have been at home with me. She had taken everything from me, and it was all her fault. Harry’s death and her own could be attributed to a grievous mistake that she made. The growing rage pushed me even further, and I dug my thumbs into her throat with all my weight. I saw the panicked expression on her face slip, and instead, I saw acceptance. Her arms and legs stopped flailing, as she was slowly fading away under my violent grasp.
