I looked at Mia, caught.
“Yeah, he…”
“He’s gotten really hot.”
“Mia!” it escaped me, and I threw back the pillow, which she caught with a gleeful look. “He’s way too old for you! And besides... No!” I laughed, feeling the warmth in my cheeks. “He’s my brother!”
My eyes wandered to the window outside, where Julian was pulling two suitcases out of the car. His arm muscles visibly tensed. “Your brother got hot.”
The pillow hit me straight on the head.
“Don’t you dare!” It sounded like a warning, but the grin returned a few seconds later, making us both laugh out loud.
I raised both hands as she reached for the other pillow.
“Don’t worry. I’m through with guys... for now.”
A lie. I wanted it to be, but the dreams still hadn’t stopped.
“I hope Nash hasn’t gotten any hotter.”
My smile disappeared for good.
Mia rose from the beanbag and came to me, putting a hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry...that was stupid of me.”
“It wasn’t,” I tried to assure her, but I couldn’t even manage to hold her gaze.
“If I don’t talk about it, this crap will eat me up eventually,” I sighed softly, finally rising from the windowsill. “But you know what? Soon, I’ll be in a new place with new people, not to mention...” I paced lightly around my room. “I have a degree that I’m going to invest my seemingly endless time in.”
In front of the mirror, I paused and looked at the girl with wavy black hair and eyes that matched the color of her emerald green cardigan.
“Listen... You might not like this, but...” Mia paused for a moment, and our eyes met in the mirror. “They’re all going to stay here.”
I couldn’t stop something in my chest from tightening, contracting, and growing heavier.
“My friends told me that Vivienna and her friends will be attending Vanderwood.”
Mia hesitated. And I had to take in what she had just told me. I should be excited that I might get another chance with them, but all I felt was this tugging in my chest.
“And Julian said that Emely is staying too.”
My breathing stopped completely. I was just waiting for her to say it, to say the damn thing I was most afraid of.
“Nash is staying, Mady.”
My heart stopped.
What had I done to deserve this? How had I managed to manifest all this bad luck in my life? How?
“But look, you’re going to meet new people, and the campus is so big, you’ll probably never run into each other.”
I turned to Mia, unable to get a word past my lips.
I had spent far too long saying goodbye to him internally. I had applied to many universities and colleges in Canada and even in the United States. The same response has always come: rejections. And it had always been because of my grades. They didn’t say it, but I knew it. My grades weren’t good enough.
I tried to push the thought away, but it somehow boxed itself forward.
I wasn’t good enough.
My eyes wandered to the papers on my desk—a pile of disorganized documents, at the top the scholarship I had received only because I had been involved in Blairville, all the clubs I had joined, all the events I had helped to organize.
Ezra’s words came up, and with them, the guilt.
“You should be happy that you can study at all without having to pay anything.”
Maybe he was right. I was ungrateful for my undeserved good luck.
But this? I had assumed that they would all go to private universities. Their parents were so rich, and they were all so smart. Even if they hadn’t been... Why Vanderwood, of all places? All doors were open to them...
I understood that Julian was going to Vanderwood, and I didn’t care. But him?
He would stay here. So would I.
“Mady.” My vision sharpened, and instead of the images in my head, I saw Mia again. She touched my arm. Her skin was a heater, as always. “You won’t even look at him with your hot ass.”
Her encouraging smile made me smile, too, and I blinked away the tears.
A rhythmic buzzing sounded – Mia’s cell phone.
