A certain amazement grew in me at my mother’s friendships. They must have had a beautiful youth. The smile in the picture spoke volumes.
I looked again at the light blonde woman. Somehow, her face seemed familiar. But I couldn’t remember seeing her before.
“What are you doing here?”
I startled violently, dropping the picture. The glass shattered on the floor with a crash, and I backed away, perplexed.
My mother was standing in the doorway, looking at me with her eyes wide open. I had never seen this look on her face before.
I quickly bent down, but my pitiful attempt to clean up the mess I had made here was interrupted by my mother. She pulled me out of the room by the arm, her nails scraping my arm.
“I’m sorry... I didn’t mean to break anything... I...” I started helplessly as her reaction threw me off track. However, she didn’t give me a second to explain myself.
“How did you get into this room?!” Her shaky voice sounded reproachful.
I couldn’t interpret the emotion on her face, which I was usually pretty good at.
All I saw was anger.... and... fear?
“I... I was going to the bathroom, and I got lost,” I brought out, still shocked.
“Of course... It was open. How could I have forgotten?” Mum whispered, talking to herself. She stared into the void. Her facial expression still seemed unchanged. Shocked.
“Mum...? I’m really sorry.”
But my mother didn’t seem to be listening. She turned to the door and put a key in the lock, which she turned. I heard a soft clack, twice.
“My toiletry bag is still in there.”
“Go downstairs and start eating already. I’ll catch up with you. I’ll take care of the bag.”
Her voice sounded different than usual.
What had I done wrong? Immediately I regretted ever having entered this room. Couldn’t I have just turned back immediately and continued looking for the bathroom? I was an idiot and had to snoop around in some of my mother’s private things, and now...
But her reaction... I had never seen her like that before.
So, I obeyed her wordlessly, hoping not to do anything else wrong, and silently made my way down the stairs.
Good job, Bayla. Really great job.
In front of me was a plate of spaghetti. I actually loved this dish, but today, I couldn’t get a bite down. The dull feeling of guilt in my stomach area had driven away the hunger pangs.
Mum was sitting across from me. Her hair was disheveled again, and her eyes were red. She had been crying... And it was my fault.
She hadn’t spoken a word to me since the incident a few minutes ago.
I felt bad and wanted to make up for it somehow. And I didn’t even know exactly what I had done wrong.
Reluctantly, I lifted the fork that was next to my plate and took a bite. It tasted good, but I didn’t want to force anything down my throat.
Carefully, I put the fork down again.
Maybe I should say something before the silence became awkward...
“I’m sorry.” I hesitated. “Whatever I did, please don’t be mad at me anymore.”
Now, she stopped eating. In her look, I recognized something like regret.
She also paused with her fork and raised her head.
“Bay, you don’t have to be sorry. You couldn’t have known. I should have locked the door.”
I was ashamed of myself for breaking the photo. Maybe it meant a lot to her and there was no copy. Or just the fact that I had touched it, gone through her old things.
I had intended to ask her if I could borrow some books from time to time, but now that was out of the question for me. Never again would I take a step into that room. Something like before should not happen again.
I gritted my teeth.
“You don’t have to talk to me about it. I shouldn’t have walked in. I should have kept looking for the bathroom instead.”
Mum didn’t answer me, but her expression softened a little.
“Can we go to that market together on Wednesday that you told me about?”
From the change of subject, I hoped to take her mind off things.
She started eating again.
