“And it was supposed to be a lifetime.” Connor put the lid back on his thermos. “When is the appropriate time to get over the loss of your whole life? Answer that question, Deputy.”
“I can’t,” Eli said.
“Yeah, I didn’t think so. You don’t want to get married.”
“Give me one reason why I should,” Eli said, leaning forward on the fence, propping his boot up on the bottom slat. “Love comes here to die.” It seemed a weird thing to say, with the pine trees in the distance tipped in gold from the sun, and the breeze coming in from the sea, mixing with the scent of earth, trees and livestock. With all these things that made the ranch look like heaven, it was hard to see it for what it was.
But the simple fact was, no one in his family had ever managed to hold on to love. The house, the Catalog House that he was starting to think of as Sadie’s, was the original monument to that. A gift for a woman who wouldn’t stay.
And on it had gone, all the way to Connor.
No, Eli had no plans to get married. He’d never seen a good reason to want love, and he’d seen plenty of reasons to avoid it.
“Yeah,” Connor said. “Sometimes it feels that way. But my point is, you already don’t want marriage. With the way things were for Dad after Mom left...I did, and look where it got me? Don’t you think I have enough of a reason to not want to get married again?”
“Sure, but not to never have sex again.”
“Let me worry about that.”
“Yeah, I promise I’ll never think about it again. Or ask you about it again.”
“Sounds like a plan. So there. You had the talk with me. You said the thing that’s been brewing. And I spoke my piece. You can call your brotherly duty done.”
“Good,” Eli said, but none of it felt good.
“The sex good?” Connor asked.
“What?”
“With Sadie. Is the sex good? Tell me that at least.”
“Damn good.”
Connor groaned. “Okay, well, we got that out of the way, too. World’s most awkward conversation?”
“Very.”
“Did you want to talk about religion or politics next?”
“I’ll pass,” Eli said.
“I guess we just fix the fence and mind our own business, then.”
“I’m okay with that.”
Eli went back to work, his eyes on the pale blue sky extending above lush green mountains. He tried not to replay the conversation he’d had with Connor. Tried not to remember the bleakness in his brother’s eyes. It was everything he’d been afraid was in him, said out loud. That Connor wasn’t okay at all.
And he couldn’t fix it. Dammit, he hated when he couldn’t fix it.
It was like his dad all over again. Watching somebody drown in sorrow, doing their best to manage their addiction until just once...just once you weren’t there to stop them. To care for them.
At least Connor wasn’t drinking as much as their father used to. But Eli worried. His brother sure as hell drank more now than he had before Jessie’s death.
The thought gave him heartburn. More than that, it made him want to get back into Sadie’s bed. At least there things were good.
Mind-bendingly good.
There, he didn’t think so much about the things he needed to fix that couldn’t be fixed. He could just think about himself. Just a hell of a lot more length of fence to fix, some calf vaccinations to deal with, and he’d be back with her.
That would be his happy thought for the day. It was rare he had a happy thought, and no one was more surprised than he was that today Sadie Miller was his.
* * *
“Thank you for coming, Kate,” Sadie said, standing with one hand outstretched, an apron dangling from her fingertips.
Kate looked from side to side. “I see no half-naked deck builders.”
“You’re not here to ogle, sweetheart. You’re here to bake.”
Kate crossed her arms beneath her breasts, her dark eyebrows shooting upward. “I am?”
“Yep. We’re going to make dinner rolls. I mean, if you want to. I thought we could hang out. And since I’m trying to learn how to get some recipes perfected I thought this might be fun.” Sadie really hoped this might be Kate’s idea of fun. Otherwise she feared hanging out with Kate might involve intensive horseback riding, or something equally outdoorsy. Not that Sadie was opposed. She just needed to work up to it.
Much to her relief, Kate brightened and took the apron. “Sounds great.” She started putting the apron on. “Not that I really need to protect my clothes,” she said, indicating her plain white T-shirt and high-waisted jeans.
“Better than wearing flour for the rest of the day.”
Sadie started getting out mixing bowls and ingredients while Kate stood in the center of the kitchen, obviously slightly out of place in the environment.
