Haruka’s burgundy eyes are manic. He isn’t moving and Nino can’t tell if he’s breathing as he sits against the headboard, his naked frame folded tightly with his knees drawn up.
His hand shaking, Nino reaches out to touch Haruka’s fingers against the mattress. “Haru, are you—”
Nino jumps when Haruka snatches his hand away and draws back further, his eyes glowing bright crimson again in the darkness. Haruka shakes his head, and simultaneously the pressure of harsh emotions in Nino’s mind pounds violently—an earsplitting crack to his left breaks the silence. Nino slams his palms to his ears, feeling as if his head will explode from the throbbing pain. The glass of the patio doors violently shatters, falling and sliding in large shards across the wood floor.
Haruka’s chest is heaving when Nino looks back at him, but there’s another loud crack just beside the bed. The porcelain lamp on Haruka’s bedside table violently splits, forming a map of crooked lines across its surface before it bursts as if smashed by an invisible hammer. Nino flinches with his palms still pressed to his ears, the agony in his head intensifying and making his vision blurry.
Something inside him pulls toward Haruka, telling Nino that he is doing this and that he needs help. Haruka isn’t focused. He’s losing control. The crippling fear and confusion he feels are consuming him. Panicked, Nino removes one hand from his ear and takes hold of Haruka’s wrist. “Haru, stop—”
“Don’t—” Haruka snatches his wrist away, but Nino swiftly and firmly refastens his fingers around it, then shifts his body forward. Haruka tries to push him, but Nino grabs his head and presses their foreheads together, concentrating through the intense, painful throbbing in his mind. His eyes water as he clenches them shut, then wills the bright warmth of his energy outward.
His aura doesn’t manifest in the way he’s accustomed to. Doesn’t magnify from within him, glowing warmly in a golden haze like it has for the entirety of his life. When he opens his eyes, a light is slowly radiating and growing from within Haruka. It’s the same deep orange light that had washed over them after Nino fed. It’s beautiful. It reminds him of the Chilean sunset as it quietly engulfs Haruka’s body.
Nino blinks, his fingers still laced in Haruka’s hair. The mania in his eyes clears, his breathing slowing as he regains sone sense of awareness. The pounding between Nino’s ears subsides and the violent emotions calm to a quiet lull.
Am I doing this? Nino scans Haruka’s body, amazed. He is manipulating his own nature, but he’s accessing it from inside Haruka’s core. Instead of pushing it outward from himself to calm him, his aura… or at least some part of him is inside Haruka now. Nino is activating it for him, as if Haruka doesn’t know how to access it but Nino has the key.
Haruka’s body slackens, his breathing deep and even as he closes his eyes. Nino massages his fingertips against Haruka’s scalp and takes a deep breath. “Are you okay?”
Haruka is silent for a long moment before he breathes, “Mm.” His eyes are still closed, his arms limp at his sides. Nino removes his hands from Haruka’s hair. He slowly crawls backward against the sheets, careful to avoid the thick shards of porcelain from the broken lamp.
Standing from the bed, Nino runs both hands into his hair. He exhales a heavy sigh to ease his racing pulse. Haruka is still sitting folded in the same position against the headboard, but now he’s rubbing his palms up and down his face.
His emotions are not as intense and all consuming, but Nino can feel that he’s deeply unsettled and confused. Like a humming in his mind, he knows that Haruka is grappling with what’s just happened between them—with their new reality. Nino doesn’t understand it either and he desperately wants to talk about it. But he knows that Haruka’s mind is too messy right now. Too distraught.
Suddenly cold from his nakedness and the night air streaming in through the shattered patio doors, Nino shivers. He leans with his palms against the bed, his eyes patient as he stares at his mate.
“Haru.”
Haruka slowly lifts his face. He’s panicked. Guarded. As if Nino is about to ask him if he can borrow an obscenely large sum of money. He doesn’t speak. Only stares at Nino with his fearful burgundy eyes.
“Should we clean up the sheets and sleep in here?” Nino asks, his voice calm and low. “Or do you want to sleep in a guestroom?”
Blinking as if he’s only just realized it, Haruka turns and looks at the destroyed patio doors. He takes a breath. “Per—perhaps… guestroom.”
“Do you want me to get a robe or pajamas for you? You’ll need to tell me where they are.”
“I—I will get them…”
Haruka cautiously moves from the bed like he’s afraid his body will completely shatter. He walks across the floor and into his large closet, the glow of light streaming brightly through the door as he quietly rummages around inside. When the light flickers off, he reappears. He’s wearing a casual, coal-colored robe covered in a threaded traditional Japanese pattern and he’s carrying a second robe in his arms. He hesitantly offers it to Nino.
“Thank you,” Nino says, carefully taking the robe. He holds it tightly against his chest, bracing himself. “Last question. Do you want me to sleep in a different guestroom? Would that be more comfortable for you?”
Haruka rubs his hand against his forehead, avoiding Nino’s gaze. “No, you—you do not need to do that. I am not upset with you, Nino. And I… I sincerely apologize for… the circumstance, and if I have harmed you—”
“Please don’t do that.” Nino sighs, smiling weakly. “I know this is unexpected, so let’s just try to sleep. We’ll talk about it when you’re ready. Okay?”
Nino wants to touch him. To hold his hand, embrace him, something to comfort him and pull him far away from the deep fear looming inside his mind. Nino puts the robe on, wrapping his body up as Haruka nods. “Yes… okay.”
They leave the bedroom, then proceed down the hallway toward one of the guestrooms. They’re silent, but as they walk together, Haruka brushes his knuckles against Nino’s. Gently, Nino grasps and holds Haruka’s hand.
It is a demure end to the passionate actions they committed to earlier in the night. But to Nino, and more importantly, it is also a loving, encouraging beginning to their bonded life together.
Thirty-Eight
The problem with this particular guest bedroom is the large square east-facing window just above the bed. Because of the window’s position, the room is awash with bright yellow sunlight from early in the morning, making everything perfectly clear and visible. It is as if nothing, no shadow nor dark entity, can remain hidden within this space once the sun has risen.
Haruka lies on his back in the bed, his robe wrapped tightly around his body as he quietly stares up at the ceiling. He turns his head. Nino is lying on his side facing him. Despite the bright rays flooding the room, he’s still sleeping. Haruka sighs. Nino’s lovely honeyed skin is flawless in the unfiltered light. He looks handsome and peaceful, deeply contented somehow.
I envy him. Haruka shifts his head back to stare up at the ceiling just as Nino stretches his body. He exhales a soft yawn and his voice is groggy and low. “Good morning. Did you sleep?”
“No,” Haruka says. He turns his head against the pillow, meeting Nino’s lazy amber gaze. “I believe that there is something intrinsically wrong with me.”
Nino simply watches him, unmoving. He blinks slowly. “What do you think is wrong with you?”
Shifting his head again, Haruka inhales deeply to calm the block of tension sitting in his chest. “My family has collected data and research on bonding for centuries. In all the accounts I have read and studied, there is not one instance of a couple bonding the first time they exchanged blood. Not one, Nino—across all forms and levels of intimacy. There are also no instances in Lore and Lust of a couple’s bond breaking. Again, I am a severe deviation from what is considered normal and I do not know why I am like this.”
Haruka drags his palms down his face, distressed. Is he some kind of malformation? Some damned thing that exists outside the formalized lines of vampiric culture? Is he even a vampire? Maybe he is something else entirely.
He loves Nino. Truly. He feels no animosity toward him and none of this is his fault. But Haruka has tried to be exceptionally careful to avoid this. For seventy wretched years he has restrained himself and been cautious, strictly stifling his nature and never offering his blood. The one time he allows himself to submit to his desires, he is instantly bound and chained again. It doesn’t make any sense.
Nino slowly sits up beside him, pressing his back into the headboard. He relaxes his shoulders, his hands resting in his lap, legs outstretched. “How many times did it take before you bonded with Yuna?”
“Nine.” Haruka sighs. He places one palm flat against his forehead and closes his eyes. “With intimacy and mutual feeding every time. And there had been a plan. It had been arranged and discussed so there was much preparation. Nino, we have not discussed anything, and now the entirety of our lives and our inherent natures are deeply fused together. We are strictly dependent upon each other now. Does this not frighten you?”
Shifting his head to look over at him with panicked eyes, Haruka waits. Nino seems so calm and unbothered as he sits in the hazy yellow sunlight. Haruka can’t understand it.
Nino sighs. “No, Haru, I’m not scared. I don’t know… Like I told you last night, something in me relaxed after we made love. It settled me and I hadn’t even realized how badly I needed that.”
