I also don’t sing generally. At most I’ll lip-sync. I mouth the lyrics along as the artist sings about not knowing if he’s alive. Yes, I definitely feel numb. Not quite unalive but not alive either.
I raise my arms and wave them to the beat of the music. This is the perfect pity party. I want to shake my head at myself. If I call him now, Ben will be here in an instant and I won't have to listen to a song about being alone. But instead, I start twirling and jumping, punching my arms in the air. My eyes are tightly shut.
The bass vibrates through me and I start to breathe a little heavier. Wild dancing is exhausting. I jump from one leg to the other as the music amps up the beat again and shout out the lyrics. Fuck the neighbours.
As the last notes echo out I open my eyes and drop on my sofa, breathing heavily. In the second of silence before the next song starts a soft knock to my right catches my attention.
Four figures are staring at me through the living room window. Big grins on their faces tell me that they’ve witnessed my concert performance. Oh shit, they probably even heard my out of tune singing. I pull my ear plugs out and switch off the music on my phone.
Miranda gestures towards the front door, and she, Fi, Lizzie, and Bri vanish from the window. For a brief moment I toy with the idea of hiding. What a ridiculous thought! Instead I heave myself off the sofa and sluggishly shuffle off, half-believing that approaching the door at a snail's pace might somehow boost the odds of them magically disappearing .
A harsh knock on the door tells me that I’m not in luck. Fuck! Time to face the music.
“Armin van Buuren, right?” Lizzie greets me and dances passed me, toeing her shoes off before placing them on the small shoe rack.
“What are you doing here?” I ask as Bri gently manoeuvres me aside so they can all crowd the entrance area, take off their shoes and jackets and make themselves at home.
“We have, pastries, chocolate, pizza, and ice cream. And Prosecco,” Fi holds up a few shopping bags.
“I don’t drink,” I mumble.
“That’s for me, babes,” Bri grins.
“Ben called Coop,” Lizzie explains and gives me a big grin. Of course he did.
“Okay... so what are you doing here?” I ask again.
“Well, Lizzie alerted us and we ambushed Ben earlier. Don’t take this the wrong way, but he looks yummy half-asleep.” Bri laughs. Don’t I know it.
“He told us the whole story so we’re here for an intervention,” Miranda says, gently guiding me to the sofa.
“Let me get some glasses,” I try to protest as she pushes me onto the sofa.
“On it,” she replies and heads to my kitchen. She’s been here often enough to find everything she needs.
“But before we stuff ourselves with a week’s worth of calories tell us honestly, did he do anything wrong? Because if so we’ll head back to his house and read him the riot act. When he told us the story it didn’t sound like he did but, he’s a guy; they never think they’ve done anything wrong,” Lizzie babbles.
“He… he didn’t do anything wrong,” I say defiantly. This is definitely my craziness.
“Okay so what’s going on then?” Bri asks.
“Wait for me, wait for me,” Miranda shouts as she races back to the living room. The plates, glasses and cutlery on the tray rattling. The girls start dishing out the food and someone presses a plate with a slice of pizza in my hand.
“So?” Fi leans forward as if she can hear better that way. All eyes are on me.
“I met his ex…shag buddy. I guess. He says they never dated properly.”
“Gina?” Lizzie asks.
“Yes.” I confirm before taking a small bite of my pizza.
“Is there more?” Fi probes.
When I finish telling them what happened they all look more confused than before I started.
“I still don’t get it,” Bri says through a mouth full of crisps.
“She was stunning,” I whisper. It already started to sound crazy in my own head; I can only imagine what it sounds like to them.
“Amelia, you’re driving us crazy here. Can you say more than just one sentence at a time?” Miranda exhales in frustration.
“She. Was. Stunning. I can’t compete with that. What she called a bra I could maybe cover one nipple with. And she was sweet and funny and seemed to be a nice person. He should be with someone like her.”
They all stare at me and say nothing.
“Amelia,” Fi sighs and pulls me into an embrace. “My brother loves you. I think he’s always loved you which is why he never had any serious relationships after you ended it. He’s sitting broken in his house because he’s worried he’s losing you again. You’re who he wants.”
“Now, maybe. But—”
“No, no. Tell me honestly, when you look into his eyes and he tells you he loves you what do you see?”
“He means it,” I sniffle.
“You are his beaver,” Fi says making Bri snort.
“I beg your pardon?” I can feel the first waves of laughter bubble up inside me.
“Beavers find each other and stay together forever,” she explains.
