Nope, I was wrong about that.

It was soul destroying.

I breathed hard through my nose and looked away, trying to calm myself as the thunder and lightning stopped but the rain continued to drive down.

Then I sucked in a huge breath and looked at my husband again.

And when I spoke, I did it softly. “I gave up a world for you.”

He glared at me, not giving me anything.

I kept right on going. “I thought, perhaps, when I learned I had powers, I might be able to use them to go home,” his eyes flashed but that was all I got so I kept on going, “but not for good. My father isn’t dead.” Another flash. “He’s alive and at home and living maybe with a fake Circe. He’ll know the difference, though, I know it. He’s out of his mind with worry, I know that too. He’s wondering where I am and if I’m okay and how to get me back. I also know that. I know that and I know that my life there was good. I loved my life. I loved my home. I loved my job. I had a lot of people who loved me that I loved back.” I sucked in breath and then whispered,

“But as much as your world scared me, as much as our practices repulsed me, I still chose you.”

His torso jerked, it was almost imperceptible, but I caught it.

I kept at him. “I gave up my world for you, Lahn. I sat at your side through things people in my world would find loathsome and I did it with my head held high. I even felt pride that I could endure, that I could be a good queen to you. I didn’t know how to be a queen but every day I walked amongst your people giving them my time and my ear and my attention, hoping that was what I was supposed to do. Everything I did in this fucking place, even before I fell in love with you, was for… fucking… you. ”

After that, I was breathing heavily and he said not a word, just continued to stare at me, stony-faced with fury.

I was not getting in. Not even a little bit.

Not even a little bit.

The rain outside stopped driving down and started to fall slower, softer, quieter as that knowledge settled in my soul.

“I gave up my world for you,” I whispered, “and if you don’t come to me right now, put your arms around me and tell me you believe me, I will stop at nothing to find my way back.”

His answer was immediate. “I will not come to you, Circe. As of now, you are being sequestered, watched by guards with our most powerful witches in attendance to see you get up to no mischief.

You will stay sequestered, alone, in this house, without slaves, friends or your pet, until the pregnancy culminates and we see what creature you bear me. I am informed by those of our people who hold magic that you will not be able to hide it while birthing and it will not have the power to shield its true form while being born.”

Oh my God.

That was when he delivered the killing blow.

“Only then will I come to you to deliver my judgment or allow you back into my bed.”

That was it.

I was done.

Just as he had with the claiming chain Dortak had hooked to me, with those words, Lahn severed our connection just… like… that.

“I’ve left you,” I whispered and his head jerked.

“What?”

“I’m standing right here but I promise you, even if it is simply in my mind, I’ve left you. I’m gone. You’ve lost me forever.”

He planted his hands on his hips. “You birth a warrior or a golden girl, we shall see.”

I shook my head. “No,” I swallowed back the tears. “No. This is it. You’ve gone too far. We’re done. I’m gone. You’ll never get me back, Lahn. Never.”

“If what you say is true, I have won you before, Circe. And if you are what you say you are, I will do it again.”

I stared into his dark, beloved eyes as mine filled with wet and unbeknownst to me the shining, golden swirl of spirit that always was so close to the surface for Lahn to see twinkled brightly then extinguished completely.

Then I whispered, “No. You won’t.”

Then I turned from him, missing the quickly hidden flash of alarm that slashed across his features.

I moved to the windows and stared out, my arms crossed protectively on my belly, the tatters of my heart dripping blood, my lungs feeling empty as silent tears slid down my face.

“Circe,” Lahn called but I didn’t look. I couldn’t look. And I knew even if I saw him again, I would never see him the same.

I knew it was crazy, all I said, but I also knew I was me. And I’d only been me for months.

And he’d fallen in love with me.

But he needed to believe in me in the good times and bad.

Like I did with him. Sometimes it was a struggle. But I fucking did it.

And he didn’t.

And I’d had enough. Hell, I’d had more than enough.

I was done.

“Circe, look at me,” he ordered.

I stared at the rain and I did this for a long time before he spoke again.

“It will be reported to me if you do not care for yourself and the creature you carry.”

The creature I carry.

Nice.

When he received no response, he continued, “And Circe, if this is the case, they will have orders to make certain you care for yourself and what is in your womb.”

“I will not… ever, ” I whispered fiercely to the rain, “do anything to harm my child.”

Lahn fell silent.

I kept my eyes on the soft rain as corresponding tears slid down my cheeks.