āIt doesnāt matter why,ā I returned swiftly.
āIt sure as fuck does ācause you, Circe, girl, youā¦ you are the product of your mother and me. I didnāt love that one before death and all this time after it for foolish reasons. I did it ācause you got a love like that it doesā¦ notā¦ die. And Iām tellinā you, darlinā, I took that bullet instead āa her, she would be lookinā at you with that same dead in her eyes as Iām lookinā at you with now. The same dead thatās in your eyes as youāre lookinā at me. We Quinns, we donāt fall in love. We fall in love. And you, girl, youāre in love so what I wanna know is, why the fuck you used up all your magical power, pixie dust and shit and came home when you got his baby inside you and you couldnāt know that youād ever get back?ā
I couldnāt hold up against his words so I didnāt. I just told him because I might as well get it over with.
āHe found out I wasnāt from his world.ā
āSo?ā
āHe thought I wasā¦ wrong. A changeling. He thought I bewitched him. Theyāre different, primitive. But even hereā¦ itās only because youāre you and youāre my Pop and you love the way you love that you got it with Circe and what happened with me. Any other man, the Circe that came here would be screwed. Not you. She was lucky. Iā¦ā I sucked in breath and finished, āwas not so lucky.ā
āSo he donāt listen?ā
āHe listened, he just didnāt believe me.ā
āSo you told him and then what?ā Pop asked.
āIā¦ well, I guess I spirited myself away.ā
āRight then?ā Pop pushed and I blinked again.
āNo, umā¦ maybe a few hours later.ā
He shook his head. āRight, well, gotta say, girl, as much as I donāt wanna give that asshole nothinā, this I can see. This shitā¦ itās fuckinā nuts. Took me a few days to sort my head out when Circe told me what was goinā on. Thought youād gone āround the bend.
You think for a second to give that asshole a day or two to come to terms with this shit before you hightailed yourā¦ pregnant, I might addā¦ ass outta there?ā
I stared at him and I did this because no, no I had not.
He shook his head but his eyes never left me. āNo, you didnāt. Not my Circe.ā He looked to the ceiling and said, āShee-it,ā again before his gaze came back to me. āYouāll never change. Always leadinā
with your heart, lettinā your emotions get the better of you and not thinkinā with your head.ā
Iād heard that before.
āPop āā
He leaned forward again. āGirl, you listen to your father.ā
Oh shit. He was worse than Diandra when he had something to say.
He kept at me. āI do not want to lose you. Iāll tell you that right now, you go again, it would break my heart. But you go, I would know you went and that grandbaby of mine would have his daddy and youā¦ you would have him too. And I can see by that dead in your eyes that if you went back, youād have what I had, what Iāve held precious all these years, what I had with your mother before she was lost to us. And I know this, darlinā, I had to go to a whole other fuckinā world where primitive people lived and I had to piss in
the trees and take a shit by a river, I do not fuckinā care. Your mother was there, that is where Iād fuckinā be.ā
My eyes filled with tears and I whispered, āPop.ā
āAnd Iāll go on to tell you this, it would be a hard drive, the hardest in my life, but you want me to take you, Iāll drive you to that witch and Iāll hug you hard before you go but youāll go knowinā that even though Iāll miss you, Iāll be happy for you, knowinā you had what I lost.ā
I closed my eyes and looked away.
Then I said to the wall. āYou donāt get it. Heā¦ it wasā¦ the whole thing was hard, being with him, adapting to that world, but I stuck by him.ā I looked back at Pop. āI stuck by him with every trial thrown at me and when I say that, Pop, I mean I watched women plunging knives in their stomachs and men having their legs cut off and heads sliced clean from their bodies.ā Popās eyes got big but I kept going. āAnd I took a manās lifeā¦ well, one and half men actually butā¦ whatever. I stuck by it. I stuck by Lahn. Through everything that world and he threw at me. He had one trial, Pop, one and he didnāt have to witness anything that turned his stomach, he didnāt take his first life, he didnāt get betrayed by someone he cared about and nearly lose his life because of it. He just had to believe in me. Simple. Just believe in me. He didnāt. He killed what I felt for him. He killed it dead. I donāt have the power to go back and Circe doesnāt have the power to send me. And Iām not going to that witch, Pop. Iām never going back. Iāll miss it, I made friends, I had a pet tigress who could talk to me and I was a fucking queen for Godās sake. Life was strange and it was insane but it was also good. But Iām not going back. Ever. If what he killed in me never comes alive again, so be it. Iāll have what you had and Iāll make do. Iāll have his child and just like you, thatās going to be good enough for me.ā
Pop stared at me and I held his eyes.
Then he came to the realization heād come to often in my life and that was the fact that when I made up my mind about something,
when my heart led me down the path I was determined to take, he wasnāt going to be able to sway me.
I knew this when he asked, āYou were a queen?ā
I closed my eyes, sucked in breath then opened them. āYes, the true, golden warrior queen of the Korwahk nation.ā
He blinked then muttered, āHoly fuck.ā
āDamn straight,ā I muttered back and, fuck me, I did it proudly.
He kept staring at me. Then he asked, āGirl, how do you kill half a man? They got half men there?ā
I relaxed. Then I grinned.
Then I said, āPick me up for Circeās party, Iāll tell you stories on the way there.ā
He shook his head as he stood, muttering, āNot sure I wanna know.ā
This was probably wise.
His eyes came to me.