Pulling a T-shirt over his head, he tiptoed from his room into the hallway. The noise must not have been loud enough to wake his mother, whose bedroom door was closed. Maybe it wasn’t even a nightmare.
Still, it won’t hurt to check on her.
He opened Ellery’s door slowly and stepped inside. Bathed in the striped lights from the window blinds, her motionless form appeared to be in deep and peaceful sleep. Perhaps he should stay for a few minutes, just to be sure.
He edged a little closer. And closer. Until he was right beside her. Watching. Listening. He heard nothing. Was she even alive? He bent down, straining to hear the slightest breath.
“What are you doing?”
Logan jumped, his heart tumbling in his chest. “You scared me!” he croaked.
She laughed. “Serves you right. Why are you in here?”
“I thought you were having a nightmare.”
“I wasn’t.” She sounded skeptical.
“Maybe you had one and don’t remember.”
“I know I didn’t, because I haven’t slept.”
“Oh…me, neither.” Strained silence. “Since we’re both awake, can we talk?”
“Logan, this is awkward.”
“That’s my middle name.” He shrugged. “I can’t help it.”
She sat up, smoothing her hair. A heavy sigh escaped. “How was the party?”
“I told you I didn’t want to go, and I didn’t.” He tamped down his impatience. How could he expect her to understand? She couldn’t read his mind.
“What about Allegra?” Hurt. Suspicion. But why should she trust him?
“Come sit with me?”
She stared at his outstretched hand for an eternity before taking it, her soft touch as electric as ever. He clicked on the bedside light and led her to the loveseat, noting she sat several inches away. She tugged her hand, but he held it firmly.
“Ellery, I know I’ve sent confusing signals, and—”
“No, you haven’t. You’ve been very clear. I don’t have any expecta—”
He placed a silencing finger on her lips, and her crystal blue eyes widened. So tempting to replace his finger with his lips.
“I didn’t go to the party, because I’m not in love with Allegra.”
Her eyebrows bent. “Was it something I said? I didn’t mean to criticize her—”
“I finally saw what I should’ve seen all along.”
“But I understand why you’d love her. She’s beautiful.” Ellery’s voice cracked, her gaze dropping to her lap.
“But you inspire me.” He cupped her face between his hands, his thumbs caressing both cheeks. “You make me want to be a better man… to be courageous like you. To stop hiding. To put the past behind me.”
Her eyes squeezed shut, a single tear trailing down her cheek. “Please don’t put me on a pedestal.”
“Why not? It’s where you belong.” He pressed his lips to the puckered skin on her right cheek.
Her head was shaking. Another tear. It tore at his heart.
“I’m as scarred on the inside as the outside.” Sniffing, she pushed him away. “You think I’m brave, but I’m not. I’ve just been faking it. I live my life on the verge of a panic attack.”
“At least you live. I’ve been avoiding everything in life that might hurt. You’ve been clawing your way back into it, despite the pain.”
Her heavy sigh was audible. “You haven’t known me long enough to see all my faults.”
“No.” He smiled. “But I’d like to.”
“But Allegra is—”
“Allegra invited me to the after-party, hoping I would bring Cole Miller.”
Her face transformed in an instant, pity in the downturn of her mouth. “I’m sorry, Logan.”
“Don’t be. I’m glad I’m not with Allegra.” He retrieved her hand, caressing her fingers. “I once thought she would leave her world and be with me, but she was trying to drag me back into it. I wasted five years of my life trying to become someone who would impress people who didn’t matter. I see that now, and I have you to thank.”
“We can’t have a relationship just because you’re grateful.”
“What I’m feeling right now isn’t gratitude.” Drawn like steel to a magnet, he bent toward her lips. “I haven’t let myself feel anything in a long time.”
