Ellery would be better off without me in her life.
CHAPTER 31
Three short raps, a pause, followed by two more. Kara’s signature knock sounded on the door as she flounced into Ellery’s hospital room.
“Morning,” she said, her gaze sweeping the room.
So many flowers and potted plants littered the tables and window ledge it looked like a nursery. But the ever-present feature was Logan, who was beginning to resemble his former hermit-like appearance, complete with unkempt hair and scraggly beard. At Kara’s voice, he shot up from his awkward sleeping position on the too-short hospital fold-out bed.
“Ellery? Are you okay?” His red-rimmed eyes told the story of ten days of sleep deprivation.
“I’m fine.” Ellery pressed the control to elevate the top half of her bed until she was sitting up. “But Kara’s here to sit with me, so you can take a break.”
His jaw settled into a stubborn set. “I’m not leaving.”
“There’s no reason you can’t go home and get a shower and sleep in a real bed,” Ellery croaked, stopping to cough. “The docs say I’m out of the woods. Maybe I won’t be a hundred percent for a long time, but I’m not going to die.”
“I’m staying here until you’re cleared to go.” Logan crossed his arms over his chest, a gesture made less effective as he wobbled, probably dizzy from lack of sleep.
“You look like a homeless man.” Kara strode around him and set her tote bag down. She started folding up the bed. “Go home. Take a shower. Get some sleep. And don’t come back until you get a haircut and shave or trim that beard.”
To Ellery, he was as handsome as ever. And the past few days, she’d begun to question again what he’d ever seen in her. Was he asking himself the same question?
“I took a shower last night.” Logan nodded toward the bathroom.
“And you have the bed-head to show it,” Kara said. “I’m here. Jake and another E-Force guy are in the cafeteria. There’s an FBI guy outside this door round-the-clock. We’re in a hospital full of doctors and nurses. Ellery’s safe here. Anyway, you can’t protect her when you’re so tired you can’t even stand up straight.”
His shoulders drooped. Kara’s argument must’ve gotten through his thick skull.
“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” He moved beside Ellery, his fingers gently pushing her hair back from her face. She still tingled from his touch, though it came rarely now.
“I’ll be fine.” Ellery took a sip of ice water to cool her slightly raw throat, inflammation still lingering from the smoke inhalation. “I want you to get some rest.”
“I’ll be back tonight.”
“Okay.” Ellery could tell it was as much concession as she was going to get.
The tender press of his lips to her forehead drew an ache in her chest. It was the same every time. He’d expressed no affection beyond platonic kisses since she’d arrived at the hospital. She squeezed back the tears that sprang to her eyes. Whatever had happened to change his feelings from passionate to sisterly, this wasn’t the time to hash it out. For now, he needed to get some sleep before his body broke from sheer exhaustion.
When he finally trudged out the door, Kara let out a low whistle. “Is that really all he does now? Just a peck on the forehead?”
Ellery released her tears to spill down her cheeks. “Every time.”
“Maybe he’s afraid he’ll hurt you if he kisses you for real.”
“It’s not just the kisses.” Ellery struggled to swallow. “He hasn’t told me he loved me since we got here.”
“But he said it in the ambulance, right?”
“Yes, but only because I said it first. He might’ve felt obligated to say it.”
Kara shook her head. “Why don’t you just talk to him?”
“I’ve tried,” Ellery said. “But every time I bring it up, he changes the subject. All he wants to talk to me about is the Krupins, and how they’re still out there, but he’s going to keep me safe.”
“That makes sense, though. He probably feels like he failed you. Could be some kind of male ego thing.” Kara dug her fingers into the dirt in one of the potted plants. “I think some of these need to be watered.”
She snagged a plastic cup from Ellery’s bedside table and moved to fill it with water from the sink.
“But that doesn’t explain why he won’t kiss me or say he loves me,” Ellery said. “And why he changes the subject when I try to talk about our feelings. He won’t talk about the future either.”
“Maybe he’s planning to pop the question, and he wants it to be a surprise.” Kara poured the water into the pot and returned to the sink to refill her cup.
“At this point, if he popped the question, I’d probably die of shock.”
“What’s your theory, then?” Kara asked, as she tested each pot on the window sill.
“The only explanation that makes sense is that he’s lost his feelings for me.”
“Between the time he said he loved you in the ambulance and when you woke up in the hospital?” Kara wrinkled her nose. “I don’t buy it.”
“No, I think he’d already lost his feelings for me. Back when I forced him to be with Allegra. And anything he said… any affection he showed… that was out of guilt. Logan has an overdeveloped sense of responsibility.”
“Takes one to know one,” Kara quipped. “Maybe you’re too alike to be compatible.”
Ellery couldn’t help smiling. “Yes, yes. I know. You’ve lectured me plenty of times.”
