I fear nothing anymore. It’s time to tell some truths. I’m going to do what I should have done long ago.
I walk through the party so determined, I don’t care who I bump into. Erik is nowhere. He really left.
I can’t go home yet though.
I spot Lars and run toward him. I grip his shoulder and turn him around.
“We need to talk.”
He sees the fire in my eyes and nods.
We go upstairs, where it’s empty and quiet, and sit in a small glass room intended for private meetings. I get straight to the point, and I’m not even feeling nervous. I’m just eager to let it all out.
“I have a couple of things to say. First, I quit.”
He raises his eyebrows, though not overly surprised. “Is that because of the talk I just had with Erik?”
I smile with no humor. “Well, you gave him the position you had promised to either me or Martin, even after I did everything right and impressed you. But apparently, you only had eyes for him.”
Lars is opening his mouth to reply, but I’m not giving him a chance. I don’t want to hear his lousy excuses. I am doing the talking today.
“Which leads me to the second thing I want to say.” I raise two fingers, gazing intensely at him, as calm and confident as I never have been in front of my boss. “We lied to you. And this is all on me. Erik and I weren’t a couple, we just lived together. I brought him to our Fun Season meetings because I felt pressured to have a boyfriend. I felt you would give me more consideration if I had strong ties to Denmark. A reason to stay.”
“You didn’t have to lie about that, Sol,” he says, and it’s like he knew the truth already. Martin said he didn’t reveal my lies, so maybe Erik did.
“I know that now,” I answer.
When I moved to Denmark, I wanted to find myself. I wanted to be my own person, separate from my family and my culture. But that didn’t mean I had to become someone I’m not.
“I was too afraid to be myself,” I tell Lars. “Too afraid of how I would be perceived by you, with all your standards and preferences. But I shouldn’t have bothered. Because in the end, it didn’t matter. I still wasn’t good enough for you.”
“This is not about you, Sol,” he says, looking mildly affected. “And I heard you. I thought about what you said at that meeting when you were angry that we were going to work on an idea you claimed belonged to Storm.” Lars leans forward, his fingers interlaced on the table. “I realized I made a mistake with Storm. I shouldn’t have let him leave Scorpio to work on his project. I should have promoted him and let him make it here.”
I lean back, studying him. I’m glad he could see his mistake. It’s a good reason to have chosen Erik now. Erik deserves the consideration. The recognition.
He should have said yes.
“Yet you didn’t consider how I would feel about all this,” I say because I can’t help it. I’m hurt.
Lars nods, looking down at the table with something that resembles humility. “I know. And I’m sorry.”
I nod, accepting his apology in silence. “We were pretending at the start, you know... Erik and me.” I look at my own hands, suddenly shy but wanting to let it all out. “And then this whole Fun Season thing brought us together, and what was fake became the truest thing in my life.”
Thinking about Erik makes me teary. Because he will be nothing but a memory once I embark on my trip back to Brazil.
But just because I can’t be happy here doesn’t mean that Erik shouldn’t.
“You need to convince him to accept the position, Lars,” I say firmly. “It is the right thing. I can’t stay here anymore, but that doesn’t matter. I wasn’t happy at Scorpio, that is the truth.” I look down at my green glittery nails. “I hate licorice and liver pâté, by the way. The Strøget is my favorite place in the city. I find black clothes boring, and I love flashy accessories. I suck at quiz games, I only recently started biking, and I’m far from a healthy eater. Ah, and I’ve never been to Noma. I wouldn’t eat ants or live sea creatures even if someone paid me a million bucks.”
He laughs, and I let my lips stretch into a smile.
“You’re a wonderful person, Sol.” Wait, has he learned to pronounce my name correctly? “You are unique and lovely the way you are, and you don’t have to change that for me or anyone else. I’m glad Storm found you and you found him. You should be together.”
My face goes blank. It’s too late now.
“Tell me something, Sol.” Lars leans forward again. Yes, he says Sol with the proper accent now! “What is your dream job? Tell me about what you enjoy doing the most.”
I think for a moment. If he had asked me this question at our last one-on-one in this room, I would have told him that my dream job was to be a game director at this company.
Why did I want that? Probably because of the salary, the security of a full-time job at a big studio, the creative freedom I would have in the role, and the decision-making power I would be given over a project. But that is not the answer that comes from within. I think about how much I enjoyed working on Love Birds...
“I want to be an indie developer,” I tell him. “I want to make my own games and apps with a small passionate team, being free to innovate and have a high level of influence over the whole process.”
Lars gives me a large smile. “Now, that is a good answer, Sol. Now I can let you go knowing that I’m doing you a favor.”
My mouth twitches up, moved by a strange spark of happiness growing in my chest, near my heart. “When can I leave then?”
“You don’t have to come back in January if you don’t want to.”
“There is no notice period?”
He waves his hand dismissively. “Let’s not worry about that.”
“Thank you, Lars.” I’m about to get up, but something keeps me in the chair. “And please, try talking to Erik again, okay?”
We will meet at home at some point. After all, I have to pack my stuff. But I don’t want to talk about any of this with Erik. Maybe I can go when he is not there so we can avoid each other entirely. Seeing him now would only make everything harder.
I get up, but Lars is not done. “I want to tell you how our conversation went.”
