“Her mother stopped by this morning,” Wanda said, reaching over the counter to the desk. “She knew you would be coming in, and she asked us to give you this.” Nurse Wanda produced Zachariah and extended the teddy bear to Grant. Slowly, he took it and stared at it in awe. “Jillian made her mama promise that if anything happened to her, she would pass her good luck charm on to you.”
Grant sat down and stared at the teddy bear that he was accustomed to seeing tucked securely under Jillian’s fragile arms. His elbows on his knees, he buried his face in the plushness of the bear’s stomach and cried, letting the bear soak up his tears as his anger built. Then, suddenly, he sprung to his feet, cursing loudly and kicking his chair over with an unleashed rage that frightened Wanda and made Hailey weak with despair.
“Grant!” Hailey cried as he overturned another chair. “Grant, stop!”
Randy and Nora walked in from the parking lot to find their son crouched down in the middle of a series of overturned office furniture, clutching the brown teddy bear as he sobbed uncontrollably.
Hailey was kneeling next to him, rubbing his back as he wept. Her watery eyes met Nora’s, and no words were needed.
Grant’s upbeat optimism that had been evident in previous months was gone; mood swings fueled by steroids had begun their reign of terror that impacted everyone around him. Grant was angry, demanding, easily frustrated and occasionally even violent. He became determined to distance himself from those who loved him most, fearing what would become of them once he met the same fate Jillian had.
Grant’s moods, though medication induced, were not easy to deal with. His harsh tone and frequent outbursts were hurtful, and his refusal to take his medications without a protest had drained Nora.
A week after Jillian’s death, Hailey came home to find Nora, Randy and her father all desperately searching the property for Grant.
“What is going on?” Hailey called, sliding out of her truck and strapping her backpack on her back.
“Hailey,” Nora cried, running toward her. “Do you have any idea where Grant could be?”
“No,” Hailey shook her head. “What do you mean? He’s missing? Dad, what are you doing home from school so early?”
“Nora called me,” Jack said, trying to remain calm. “It’s important that we find Grant.”
“We have to find him,” Randy insisted, starting up the four wheeler he was driving. “He could be sick. He could be unconscious somewhere. He may need to get him to the hospital.”
“How long has he been missing?” Hailey begged.
“I don’t know,” Nora cried. “He was asleep in his room. I thought he was still sleeping. We have to find him, Hailey. You know how depressed he has been lately. You don’t think he would harm himself do you?”
“Hailey, he hasn’t said anything like that to you, has he?” Jack insisted.
Hailey shook her head. “No,” she gulped. But, she doubted that Grant would have confided in her about anything. The bond the two of them had seemed to mean nothing now. He didn’t want to be loved, touched or even spoken to, and she was no exception. In fact, she was the one he seemed to lash out at the most. If he had some misguided plan to put an end to his suffering, she certainly would not have been his confidant.
“He’s scared; he’s angry; he’s confused,” Nora paced back and forth. “His behavior has just been so erratic lately; we have to find him.”
“I’m sure he just needed some time to clear his thoughts,” Jack shook his head. “I’m sure he just went out for some fresh air, and we are all blowing this out of proportion.”
“You’re right,” Nora nodded. “I’m sure he just went for a walk, and he doesn’t have any idea how frightened his disappearing act as left us. Grant likes to go for walks alone sometimes…he always has.”
“Hailey is that way too,” Jack agreed. “She will just take off sometimes without saying a word and …”
Hailey gasped so loudly that Jack and Nora turned to her. “I think I know where to find him,” she said as she took off running.
“Where?” Nora begged. “Take us to him, Hailey!” she called after her.
“Actually,” Hailey said, stopping briefly to turn back to Nora. “I think it’s better if I go alone.” She took off running again, calling over her shoulder, “don’t worry! I know exactly where he went! I’ll bring him home!”
Hailey hurried through the woods toward the tree house, her backpack snagging a tree branch and nearly pulling her to the ground. She regained her balance, barely phased, and kept running. She ascended the ladder in seconds, calling Grant’s name. She cracked the tree house door open and, instantly relieved at the mere sight of Grant’s face, she climbed inside. “I thought I could find you out here,” she smiled.
“What are you doing?” Grant grumbled.
“You disappeared on us,” Hailey replied.
“Because I wanted to be alone,” Grant insisted.
“Well, I don’t think that is such a good idea right now,” Hailey said confidently.
Hailey listened to a string of expletives that sounded more like a child’s temper tantrum than an argument set forth by a Harvard-bound law student, so she chose to pretend Grant hadn’t spoken at all.
Hailey didn’t say a word; she just sat there. She knew it was driving Grant crazy, but she didn’t know what else to do. “Why are you shutting me out?” she finally asked, half-prepared for him to fly into a rage.
Instead, he rested his head against his knee and frowned. His tears even sounded tired. “I don’t like what this medicine does to me,” he cried, and the words hit Hailey in the heart.
“I know, Sweetheart,” she nodded.
“I have faith; I still have it,” Grant sighed. “Even when I act like a jerk…I don’t mean it.”
“I know, Baby,” Hailey nodded. “You won’t be on this medicine forever…it’s gonna get better…and I’m not going anywhere… we can deal with your evil twin for however long we have to.”
Grant squeezed Hailey’s hand, and the gesture meant more to her than words could.
“I’ve spent my whole life learning how to distance myself from people,” Grant cried, “and now…it’s like I’m operating on auto-pilot, doing the only thing I know how to do. I’ve never had friends, Hailey, because when your entire life will be uprooted by design, you learn to avoid getting close to people, so that goodbye never has to hurt. I allowed myself get close to you… I let myself fall in love with you! Now, I’m in territory I don’t have any experience with…and the possibility of saying goodbye to you…”
“Sweetheart, I know how much Jillian’s death scared you,” Hailey sighed. “It scared me too.”
“She was innocent. She was perfect. She didn’t deserve this, not like I do…” Grant cried.
