Angela pressed the palms of her hands together. ‘Amen.’
‘Actually,’ Mum said with a mischievous glint in her eye, ‘I don’t mean that. Some men seem to be worth a second glance. Have you been doing much scrolling on Twitter lately, Ang?’
Angela gave me a knowing look. ‘In fact, Caroline, I have.’
Ah. It was now glaringly obvious what they’d been gossiping about before I walked in.
‘If you’re talking about the article …’ I went back to piping, anything to avoid their eye contact.
Angela interrupted. ‘We are. We are talking about the article. We want to know what’s going on with you and that boy with the eyebrows.’
I stifled a snort. ‘Absolutely nothing. You should know better than to ask me that.’ I pointed the piping bag at Mum.
‘Should I?’ She popped a teacake in the toaster. ‘It’s not the furthest leap for them to make.’
‘Seriously?’ I accidentally squeezed the bag too hard, one of the cupcakes exploding from the pressure.
She narrowed her eyes at me. ‘Watch it. Those sponges are a good batch.’
I checked that she was fully focused on the teacake again before sliding the ruined cupcake underneath the counter for me to take home. If I was going to wallow, I might as well wallow in sugar. I’d already tasted a tiny bit of the buttercream; real vanilla, the kind where you could see black flecks from the beans.
‘You’re not getting out of this that easily.’ Angela gave me a withering stare. ‘Spill the goss, Penny. We’re old. We live for this shit.’
I sighed. ‘Nothing is going on. This is why you two shouldn’t be allowed social media accounts! I think you’d know if I was secretly in love with my best friend.’
‘That’s what the word “secretly” implies, Penny.’
She had a point.
‘I’m dating’ – admittedly, not very well, but still – ‘he’s dating. We’re both dating, and definitely not each other. He’s my friend.’ I said ‘friend’ very slowly, for emphasis.
‘I was best friends with my third husband for ten years before we decided to give things a go.’
Mum intercepted. ‘You divorced him because you had no sex life.’
‘Mum.’ I cringed. ‘You’ve got customers.’
She let out a laugh. ‘They know who they’re dealing with, love.’
She handed the teacake to Angela, who immediately started picking out the raisins. ‘You could do a double Webber wedding. Really cut down on the costs. I’ve heard that loads of ministers are more likely to say yes to a last-minute wedding if they can double up on marriages. Does it work on a commission basis, do you think?’
The temptation to turn the piping bag into a rapid-fire buttercream weapon was increasing.
‘Funnily enough, I don’t think a double wedding is on the cards.’ I huffed before putting the final touches to the last cupcake. ‘And voila. Any other jobs I can do whilst you exploit my need for mother–daughter bonding time?’
She shook her head. ‘Sit down and drink the rest of your tea. I might not be the world’s best agony aunt when it comes to matters of the heart, but I do make a cracking brew.’
I did as I was told, cradling the mug.
‘How long can you stay?’
I shrugged. ‘Rory’s fine holding the fort for a bit.’
‘Rory, Rory, Rory …’ Angela picked out another raisin, making a little pile on the side of her pink scalloped plate. Why on earth had she asked for a teacake if she was going to do that? It was now essentially a bread roll. ‘That boy certainly comes up in conversation a lot, doesn’t he?’
Don’t pick up the piping bag again, Penny. You’re a grown, responsible adult.
‘Leave her alone. She’s a woman on the edge.’ Mum wiped her hands on a cloth. ‘So, what are you going to do about tonight? Just turn up?’
I groaned at the thought of being stood up. ‘I genuinely don’t think my brain will let my legs walk over there. It’s too embarrassing.’
I’d made this decision somewhere between piping cupcake one and twenty. There was no way I was giving Isaac the satisfaction of that.
‘Pen, it’s not embarrassing. But I do understand.’ She took one of the cupcakes and slid it onto a plate, knowing exactly what I needed.
I stuck my index finger into the buttercream, scooping it into my mouth. ‘Who would have thought. A son who’s marrying his first ever girlfriend, and a daughter who is more inclined to marry her laptop.’
She laughed. ‘You’re being dramatic, Penny.’
Angela pulled out her phone. ‘Speaking of dating, look what I spotted during my morning swipe.’
I took one look at the screen and immediately wanted to crawl under one of the tables. It was Dad. On Link. Not Level.
Mum looked completely taken aback. ‘It’s taken you until now to mention this?’
Angela threw her hands up. ‘I didn’t know how to tell you! Did you know anything about this?’ She turned the spotlight towards me.
‘Well, obviously I wouldn’t have encouraged my father to download my main business competitor.’
