Daniel pressed on. ‘Sometimes, or at least my dad tells me, it takes the pressure off when you don’t feel solely responsible for a company. Didn’t you mention that you’re looking to sell shares?’
I wasn’t sure I had mentioned that to him on any one of my mini-rants, but I got so riled up sometimes that it could have happened without me remembering it.
‘Maybe.’ I dished up the food, creating two plates that I’d lost the appetite for.
‘Anyway.’ Daniel brushed some crumbs off his hands. ‘Enough about that.’ He came over and pulled me into a long kiss. My mind was focused on my current problems, but I let it be distracted. His hand crept around my waist, squeezing, and I waited for the tingling sensation to kick in. The same feeling from the other night, in Rory’s kitchen. It didn’t.
‘This food looks great, and I bet it’ll still look great in a few minutes.’
I pulled back and tilted my head. ‘Is that so?’
Daniel nodded, pulling my body flush against his so that there could be no miscommunication. ‘I have a reputation for being ambitious.’
***
It had taken forty-five minutes to psych myself up to dial his number. Which was utterly ridiculous. Never, in eight years of friendship, had I thought twice about ringing Rory.
‘Come onnnn.’ The dial tone kept ringing.
Daniel had left a couple of hours ago, mentioning a trip to the pub with his dad and leaving me to fend for myself with this stupid speech. I’d tried watching Don’t Tell the Bride for inspiration, but all that had done was make me worry that Joe might have bought a giant inflatable llama to stand at the entrance to the church.
‘Hi Pen.’ He finally picked up.
I tried to hear beyond his voice, listening out for tell-tale signs that they might still be together. There was nothing.
‘Finally! Rory, I need you.’ I didn’t elaborate for a second, trying to ignore the fizz of electricity that phrase sent down my spine.
‘Ah, if I had a pound for every time a woman said that to me –’
‘Rory!’
‘I’d have a fiver, max. Okay, need me as in you’ve set the fuse box off again and don’t know where the switch is, or need me in a more abstract sense?’
I rolled my eyes even though he couldn’t see. ‘You’re never letting that go, are you?’
‘You might as well just accept it and move on.’ His breath was slightly laboured.
‘Where are you, anyway?’
He took another breath. ‘Just this second left the climbing wall. Reached a new personal best.’
I tried not to think about him dripping with sweat. The thought should be making my eyes burn. Why wasn’t it making my eyes burn?
‘What’s the dilemma, Pen? You can’t leave me hanging like that.’
My blank piece of paper was staring at me, as were the opening credits of my third episode of DTTB. ‘It’s this bloody speech. I can’t do it.’
From the other end of the line, I heard him laugh.
‘It’s not funny, Ror.’
He let out another chuckle. ‘Winning this is going to be a walk in the park.’
Clearly, the men in my life were not the font of knowledge I’d banked on them being. ‘I’m serious. I am not the right person to speak about love. I don’t know anything about it.’
I heard the laughter die down. ‘Well, that’s bullshit.’
‘Sorry, you’re right.’ I doodled a flower with my biro. ‘Let me just go and call up all the loves of my life.’
He cleared his throat. ‘I meant, that’s bullshit because not everything has to be romantic. You’d do anything for the people in your life. Remember that time Joe had a panic attack after his first patient death?’
I did remember that. Isla had been away in Spain for a flower festival with some of her colleagues, so I’d raced over to their place and kept my brother company until the early hours of the morning.
‘Or how about the fact that you never, ever cancel on your dad?’
This was also true.
‘You love harder that anyone I know, even if you haven’t found it in the traditional sense of the word. Draw from what you know, Pen, because you know a lot.’
I swallowed the lump in my throat. I took it back. At least one man in my life knew exactly what to say. I hadn’t had a strike of inspiration, but I did feel a bit less lonely.
‘Thanks.’ I didn’t elaborate, suddenly a bit scared that I might cry.
‘You love, and you’re loved in return. Promise.’ Rory’s voice was barely above a whisper, but it got through. ‘Want me to come over and help you?’
I considered saying yes for a second, but the waters were just too murky right now. I wanted him here, I just wasn’t sure why. It was definitely best to leave him to his sweaty, post-climbing activities alone. Definitely. I hung up before I could change my mind.
30
