eyes and we can talk in the morning.”
Slowly, he released his hold on me. Minutes later, Jeremy was heavily
snoring. I slipped off of him and wrapped the blankets around him. I checked to
make sure the front door was locked and along the way I gathered his discarded
clothing. I took the pile to the washer and threw them in.
His phone, I suddenly remembered.
I pulled his pants out and fished out his wallet, keys, and an empty condom
wrapper. Bile rose in my throat. You know it’s all your fault. How could I say no?
echoed in my mind.
It was my fault. I’d driven him away. He was excited to share his good news.
He impulsively sold the car I complained about so often. How did he know what
the car symbolized? I never told him. I never told him anything.
I shoved the wrapper deep in the trash, burying it like my feelings.
I had a choice to make. My mind played, over and over, all the scenarios as I watched the sunrise from the kitchen window. Would I stay with him or leave him for the crime I assumed he committed?
As the sky turned blue, I made my decision. I would forgive and forget his
indiscretion. He never gave me any signs he was a cheater before, and I would
be a better wife. One thing I knew for sure…I couldn’t tell Thomas what happened.
Determined to move on, I loaded a tray with eggs, bacon, and toast. I even
made Jeremy’s favorite Bloody Mary, light on the vodka. I set the tray down and
climbed onto the bed next to him.
“Wake up, sleepy head.”
“Mmm,” he moaned.
“I brought you breakfast in bed.” I trailed my fingers along his cheek and circled his lips. His eyes closed again. I needed to be a more aggressive alarm clock. I lightly dragged my nails down his chest, down his stomach. His body shuddered as I lowered my touch and retreated.
I knew what he expected me to do next and reluctantly complied.
When I asked girlfriends how they felt about the obligatory blowjob, I received mixed reviews – indifference to grandiose feelings of power and control. I loathed myself for succumbing to an act that made me feel dirty.
The thought that the woman he picked up last night probably had her mouth
on my husband the same way made me abandon my task.
Jeremy growled in frustration, “Tease.”
I slid up his body and pressed my mouth to his neck. “Your breakfast is getting cold.” I continued to tease and taunt his now hardening manhood.
In a fast movement, he flipped me over and was on top of me. His piercing
blue eyes locked with mine.
Once again, I let myself believe I was all he wanted and needed. Nothing would break us. I promised myself I would be a better wife… a better lover. I would not end up like my mother – alone.
“What do you mean you’re giving notice,” Thomas snapped, slamming his fist
on the desk.
“Jeremy has been promoted and we are moving to L.A.,” I explained.
“So, you telecommute. There, problem solved.” He rubbed his hands
together, dismissing the issue.
“No,” I said, forcing myself not to cry. “Jeremy needs me to play a more active role. Appearance is everything in his line of work.”
