Cinnamon and Old Spice.
I swallow the bile down as that night comes flooding back, memory by memory. Assaulting me even more than a few moments ago when I looked into his eyes.
I can’t do this right now. I have to go.
Standing up, I start throwing my things into my bag.
“Excuse me,” I say, not looking at anyone as my eyes start to get blurry.
Running out of the classroom, I hurry to the nearest trashcan to empty my stomach.
I stay there, bent over the trashcan, trying to steady my breathing when I hear a door open behind me.
I’m not sure if it’s him, or someone else from another class, and I’m not sticking around to find out. I do the only thing I can think of and run. Because this time, I’m not being held down and I can run.
I run out the doors and don’t stop until I reach the quiet park a few blocks from the school and sit down against a tree in the far corner. I’m far enough away from the entrance that no one will find me here. I’m safe and I can breathe.
This isn’t happening, it’s just a nightmare. This isn’t happening, it’s just a nightmare.
I repeat the words over and over, begging myself to believe them as I lean against the tree trying to catch my breath…but I know what I saw. WHO I saw.
“You skipped school?!” my mother shrieks the second I walk through the door, and I ignore her never-ending attempts at bullshit.
I shouldn’t be surprised that the school called them, but I will forever wonder why my parents even pretend to care.
“It’s fine mom,” I lie and head up the stairs, ignoring her hollering as I go.
Everyone in this house knows that they don’t care or want me, but they still try to keep the charade to save face for their precious image.
When dad gets home, he will hand out some bullshit grounding that has literally no effect on my life, but it will give them the ability to say they’ve handled me so no one questions them. It’s a pathetic cycle that I want desperately to end.
A few more months.
Flopping onto the bed, I burrow under the covers to try and get warm.
It’s not actually cold outside, but I can’t stop the trembling my body has been doing since our new teacher walked into the classroom, effectively fucking me up.
I thought that I would be alright. That I could just focus on my schoolwork and forget about what happened. I could deal with it later when I was free to live my life the way I wanted to.
I was wrong though. Like I said, the universe is a serious cunt lately.
I don’t expect it when my mom opens the door, a scowl on her face with her hands planted on her hips.
Oh look, she’s actually mad. Miracles do happen.
I just barely hold back the snort at my inner ramblings.
“You can’t just skip school, Carly. It’s the first day.”
I let out a sigh and refuse to open my eyes. “I wasn’t feeling well. After I threw up, I decided to get some air and fell asleep at the park down the street.”
It’s a white lie. I did throw up and I did spend the day at the park, but in no way did I sleep.
“If you were sick, you should have come home.” The frown on her face is proof she doesn’t fully believe me but isn’t quite ready to write me off yet.
“Mom, I’m really tired and I can’t stop shaking. Can I please go to sleep?”
She narrows her eyes at me as she looks me over. There must be something about my voice that lends to my story because she lets out a sigh.“Fine. Next time you’re sick, you have to call me, alright?”
I just nod and she turns around to leave before looking over her shoulder.
“Mr. Granger says you have early morning detention with him tomorrow before class. Don’t screw up your last year, Carly.” It’s the last thing she says before closing the door and walking away.
We both know what she means with those simple words.
“Don’t screw up your last year so we have to be stuck with you.”
I wonder if she would react differently if she knew what kind of bomb she just dropped on me before walking away like that.
Nah, not likely. It’s why I never told a single soul about what happened to me this summer. If my own parents wouldn’t believe me, then who would?
I don’t know if I can see him in the morning.
The last thing I want is to be alone in the room with someone so clearly evil and lacking any form of emotion, but I don’t have a choice. I can’t let him ruin my near perfect attendance record because I’m afraid.
Once I know I’m going to be left alone, I open my computer to search Freemont High’s website. If I’m going to be around him, I need to somehow desensitize myself from the look of his face and maybe knowing a bit about his teaching background will help me.
