Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
I wait for a beat, hands on my hips.
Still nothing.
I haven’t traveled this far (a few blocks) to get nothing in return (the attention of the person who has not asked for me). It’s cosmically wrong!
Fuck it.
I use both hands, fists pounding the wall, until suddenly, a noise. A rustling inside the apartment. A flicker of a yellow light beams through the crack at the bottom of the door.
Time both speeds up and slows down.
“Can I help you?” A man’s voice comes through the door. The voice is deep and smooth but hushed and guarded.
Goose bumps ripple up my arms.
I swallow hard. “Mack?” In comparison, my voice comes out like a squawk. I clear my throat.
“What?”
“Mack. Open up. It’s Jules.”
There’s a long pause. And then his voice comes again. “Jules.” It’s as if he’s trying out a new word for the first time.
“Yes.” This time, my voice gains strength.
“I don’t know any Jules.”
How dare he! But the insolence gives me even more strength. “Yes, you do. You know me pretty well, actually. From the forum.”
Another pause. “I don’t believe you.”
“It’s me. I know you’re looking through your peephole. It’s me. I sent you the picture. And then you sent me a picture, remember? And then suddenly, you just disappeared?”
“What do you want?” The coldness in his voice shocks me.
It shouldn’t. I’ve shown up unannounced like a psycho knocking on his door. This is exactly what I should expect, nicer, in fact, than what I deserve, all things considered.
“I . . .” My voice trails off. “Can you just open the door?”
“No.”
My jaw drops. “What! Why not?”
“Why would I open the door to a complete stranger I haven’t even invited? How the hell did you even find this place? Do you live around here? Are you fucking serious right now?”
I scoff.
I should feel ashamed, but I don’t. I should scuttle back to my little hole, but I can’t. I’m actually kind of pissed. This is a new feeling. A feeling I haven’t felt in a while. Indignation paired with a completely unjustified, righteous rage.
“Are you serious right now? I thought we were friends! Friends don’t abandon their friends. Friends don’t just disappear out of nowhere!”
“We’re not friends. We were just on a forum together. Nothing on the internet is real.”
I cross my arms over my chest, legs spread as if I’m squaring off with the door. “Okay, well, it’s one thing to be an asshole, it’s an entirely other thing to be intellectually dishonest.” Again, my indignation is rocketing upward, unjustified as it might be. “I’m as real as they come, you son of a bitch.”
Then I hear a little chuckle behind the door, the sound taking me off guard. His voice gentles. “You know what? You’re right. I’m sorry for the way I left the forum. It wasn’t a very kind thing to do.”
While he’s talking, my eyes are searching the door, the smooth frame, checking the knob. Why won’t he open up?
“I won’t accept your apology unless you let me in.” I have to see. For myself. With my own eyes. I have to know who he is.
“That’s not happening.”
“Why not?”
“Because you’re a total stranger and this is crazy. How’d you even get here?”
“I live down the street. It wasn’t a big deal.” It was a huge deal. “I just walked.” Yes, I just walked. Like the way a pirate walks the plank.
Another pause. “You live down the street?”
“Yes, this whole time we’ve lived right next door basically. Can you believe it?”
“Jules, I truly cannot, not even in my wildest dreams, believe any of this.”
While he’s talking, I glide my fingertips along the door frame. As a woman, I would never keep a spare key where someone could find it. But men never seem to have those same concerns, do they?
