The faux leather on his chair squeaked as Max sat up straighter. “I had it again…the nightmare—a few days ago. Not as bad as before, but…”
“But…?”
He pulled in a ragged breath. “I thought I was past that.”
“Even though you may no longer experience the nightmares, Max, the memories of the event are still there. Consequently, certain situations or people or even thoughts can cause them to resurface.” He leaned forward, hands clasped in front of him. “We can’t eliminate the memory itself, but we can reduce its effect on your life by continuing to practice the coping skills we’ve developed for you.”
Max nodded. “I had a conversation with another vet. Afghanistan was a walk in the park compared to what he went through in ‘Nam.” He paused and rubbed his hands on his thighs. “You think maybe that dredged up the other?”
“It’s possible. Did you experience any discomfort when you were talking with this man?”
“Surprisingly no, I didn’t. I listened to Big John talk about being over there and what he went through when he got home, and all I felt was anger that he had to go through that alone.”
Over the next half hour, Max was relieved to discover that what he faced was part and parcel of his new normal. He had not regressed in his treatment.
Dr. Bellamy removed his glasses and wiped them with a tissue from the box on his desk. “I get the impression there’s something else on your mind, son. What is it?”
Max rubbed his hands together, not sure how to begin. He wanted to talk about Sky and Maddie but didn’t know what to say.
“Is it the upcoming holiday? Just talk, Max. The right words will find their way out.”
He took a deep breath. “I met someone. A woman.” He met the man’s attentive gaze. “She has a child. A little girl named Maddie.”
“And?”
Consumed with nervous energy, Max stood and paced the area behind his chair. “They’re awesome. Sky is kind and compassionate with a beautiful smile. And Maddie.” He shook his head lightly and grinned. “She’s a terrific kid.” He braced his arms on the back of the chair, head downcast. “I’m better, I know that, but…I’m still a mess.” Thoughts of Cade’s parting insult warred with Maddie’s unconditional acceptance. And Sky. She wanted to be with him. “I’m no good for them. Or anyone else.”
Dr. Bellamy waited until Max looked at him to reply. “So, you don’t think you’re worthy to have them in your life?”
“Yes. No. I mean…hell I don’t know what I mean.”
“Have you told her about your PTSD?”
He shook his head and shoved his hands in his back pockets. “Just that Afghanistan screwed me up.”
“What did she say to that?”
He sighed. “She wants a chance to see if we can make it.”
“What do you want to do?”
Max’s short laugh held no mirth. “Hell, Doc, you know what a mess I was. Just because the nightmares have all but stopped, and I’m able to hold down a job, doesn’t mean I’m cured.”
“No, it doesn’t. That takes time. And support. But you’re a strong young man, Max. You want to get better and work hard to do so. I know you’ll succeed.” Dr. Bellamy placed his glasses on the desk and folded his hands together. “What’s her name?”
“Sky. Skylar. She’s a waitress at Ruby’s Diner.” He smiled as the memory of their recent dinner and shopping together washed over him. “She used to be a nurse but had to give it up when Maddie was younger.” He gazed at the array of awards and certificates on the wall along with photos of what appeared to be his family. “I bet she’d be a good nurse.”
“How do you feel about the child?”
“Maddie? She’s a pistol.” He laughed. A genuine laugh that made Bellamy smile. “She wants me to be her mother’s male companion.”
By the time Max finished the story, the psychiatrist had joined in the laughter.
“What if I mess up, Doc? What if something happens, and I go off the deep end or, God forbid, hurt one of them?”
“You can’t live your life worrying about what-ifs, son. You take it one day, one thing at a time.”
“That’s what Sky said.”
“Sounds like a smart woman.”
Max dropped into his chair. “I won’t lie, Doc. I like her. A lot. Since the first time I ever saw her. Maybe too much. And Maddie, too. We…we all…fit, you know?” He scrubbed his face with both hands. “They’ve been through a lot. Sky has had to struggle to get by. It would kill me if I did something to hurt them.”
Bellamy walked around the desk and sat in the chair beside him. “Look at me, Max.”
When he complied, the psychiatrist continued. “Be honest with her. Tell her the truth. All of it. From what you told me, I don’t see her backing away. But if she does, it wasn’t meant to be, and the sooner you know that, the better for all of you.” He placed one hand on Max’s shoulder. “I think you need her, Max. She could be good for you.”
He stiffened. “I won’t use her just to get well.”
“That’s not what I meant, son. You need someone in your life who cares about you. Someone you care about in return, to be beside you on this rough path you have to walk.”
Max struggled to keep the tears stinging his eyes from spilling out. Marines don’t cry. “I want it to be her, Doc,” he whispered. “And Maddie. I want it so damn bad.”
“Then you have to work for it. Talk to her. My guess is, her answer will make you smile again.”
He pulled in a lungful of air and blew it out through pursed lips. “She’s cooking Thanksgiving dinner at my house.”
Bellamy patted his shoulder and smiled. “Something tells me this will be a new beginning for you, Max. You have my cell number. Call me. I want to know how it goes.”
