“I know,” he sighed. “...There’s a lot I wasn’t ready to tell you back then.”
He took a deep breath, and turned to the small kitchen. The glass window was letting gentle streaks of moonlight gleam over the once white tiles. A pretty basin had been carved in the middle, and small hooks were still hanging from a rail. Although it was all empty now, it must have been stuffed with all sorts of dishes and food before. There were still a few stains on some of the wooden parts. Some of the cupboard doors were left open, and Cessilia wondered if someone had previously ransacked this house.... Spiders and dust hadn’t been able to fully conquer the little cupboards yet. Cessilia slowly walked up to the kitchen, noticing a silver pitcher forgotten in the corner. It still had a bit of water in it. Little glass pots were lined up against the window too, one of them with small dried flowers still in it...
“My mother used to cook for us there,” muttered Ashen. “That’s the place I most easily remember her at. I’d always see her back, while she stood there and cooked. She used to hum songs while cooking, to put my youngest brother to sleep when she carried him. As soon as I got big enough, she made me cut the fish and meat because she hated to do it... She was the one who first taught me how to hold a blade.”
“...What h-happened t-to her?”
“...She died from disease.” Ashen’s brows furrowed. “She and one of my younger brothers both passed the same winter. We didn’t have money for medicine... and no doctor in town. Back then, this Capital was still as dangerous as the villages you’ve seen out there.”
“B-but your father...”
Ashen scoffed.
“The General... he didn’t live here.”
He turned around, and walked up to one of the large wooden pillars, smiling at the old, decrepit wood. Thanks to the moonlight shining through the windows, Cessilia could see his glowing white hair, and his lonely figure as his fingers followed the wood print. At around half his height, there were clear cuts made, like those done to mark a child’s growth, with names on it. The highest one didn’t even reach his waist.
“I have... no memories of my father ever setting foot in this place. It was just the four of us. ...You heard that my mom was his mistress, right? God knows how many that bastard had... He lived a few streets away from here. They met like any other couple would have, from living in the same city, but their situations were different. My mom was from a family of merchants. Poor, but independent. On the other hand, my father was born into a family of servants. He was raised to serve someone, learned how to do many tasks, and follow orders. The nobles he served were corrupt, like most of them were back then. My father was smart enough to realize those things young, although he was told to stay silent and obey.”
Ashen sighed, and turned around to an empty corner of the room. There was a little couch there, undoubtedly made by a skilled artisan. Cessilia could see it in the way the wood had been beautifully carved, and how the timber resisted despite the long years... Was this his mother’s family’s doing? The remaining pieces of furniture were those which had obviously been too heavy to steal and transport. Once she walked up to it, Cessi realized the only thing remaining was this one piece of wood; the other parts like the seat pillows and back cushions had been taken away. Her fingers followed the beautiful lines of the wood while Ashen resumed talking.
“The more my father witnessed the nobles’ corruption, the more he realized he could rise above his birth situation. He studied secretly, and learned from their corrupted ways... I heard he was good at kissing their feet. He was probably ready to do anything that could improve his situation. He was... disgusted with his master, but he still sought the protection and security nobles could provide. He even began stealing from the nobles, slowly putting money aside for himself. He probably realized marrying my mother wouldn’t be his best choice either. He never intended to marry her, even as she got pregnant. He only wanted to keep her as a mistress on the side… I still don’t really understand how they somehow stayed together.”
Ashen turned around again, walking back to the center of the room, and turned his hand into a fist, right before punching one of the arches, a bitter smile appearing on his face.
“This opportunistic bastard... When the war against the Dragon Empire began, he enrolled himself into the army, thinking he’d come back covered in money and glory. You know how the war went... my father barely survived. He made himself just small enough to flee and return with the soldiers who hadn’t been killed as soon as our Republic yielded. My mom gave birth to me around that time... and he got her pregnant with my brother when he got back. But my father still didn’t want to marry her, or even acknowledge her. Instead, he acted like a war hero, and somehow got recognized for his achievements...”
Ashen looked almost disgusted. Had his father really done things worth being recognized and awarded, or had he lied his way to his position, like he had done with his sons’ mother? It was hard to tell. Either way, Ashen was speaking like the boy who had been deceived and disappointed by his father, many times.
“He rose through the ranks somehow. Corruption worked well for a coward lost in a chaotic land... He became known as the Great General Ashtoran... and gladly got married to a noble’s daughter when he got the opportunity. By then, the Republic was already on the verge of collapse, and the nobles were ready to do anything to keep their lands and wealth, including marrying their daughters to popular soldiers... For my father, it was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to get himself a noble title, money, land, and a wife fifteen years younger than him. I guess it was worth throwing aside the mother of three of his children.”
Cessilia felt terribly sorry for Ashen.
She didn’t know any of this before. When they had met seven years ago, he had never said a word about his family, or even where he came from, his past. Her family had taken care of a broken, young man, who had lost all will to live...
She slowly walked up to him, and grabbed his hand again. She felt Ashen’s fingers gently hold hers back, and he slowly turned around, but his eyes went to the names on the wooden pillar.
“I had... to watch my father rise and become a beloved king with a family that wasn’t us from afar. People recognized him in the streets, and his new, young wife had already given him more children. Why would he have cared about my dying mother and brother...”
His voice broke a little on those last words, the heartbreaking sound of anger and sadness combined. Cessilia could feel all of those painful memories through their skin’s touch. How did the young Ashen feel, watching the castle from afar where his father was living with another family? What had his mother felt after being abandoned by her children’s father? How did those boys grow up, sons of a King that didn’t care for them...? The more she heard, the smaller this place felt. Perhaps their mother had been able to care for all three boys long enough that their childhood wasn’t unhappy, but the truth was still there. Ashen, being the oldest, had probably known all of this better than his younger brothers... and had been angry in his mother’s stead.
“...D-didn’t he t-try to help you at all? When your m-mother fell sick...”
Ashen scoffed.
“You probably heard about how my... father’s reign went. He was so obsessed with his new power, he increased the people’s anger toward nobles, and became the worst tyrant to have ever led this nation. So many people were executed... At first, it was seen as necessary because the Kingdom was in such chaos, but as time went by, all those deaths felt less and less justified. My father even had his own wife’s family executed, claiming they had committed treason, when he himself had stolen from them for years. He was in a hurry to get rid of everyone who could have hindered his newfound power, I suppose... Those who weren’t supporting him were against him, simple as that. Even his wife didn’t dare to speak up. I feel sad for that woman, but at least she was spared from the disease and hunger that took over the streets. The bodies accumulated outside the Capital became a nest for disease, and with the money already lost in the war and so many people having been executed, things were going too fast. The officials didn’t have time to properly confiscate and redistribute the dead’s wealth; people began to steal what they could to survive, even if they risked execution for that.”
This matched Naptunie’s words about her childhood... A time of fear and death. The peace the new General-turned-King had brought had become the seed for an even worse era. It was hard to think Ashen was speaking about something that had happened just a decade ago when she had seen the beautiful, peaceful streets of the Capital now. It only emphasized how hard he had worked to undo all of his father’s past mistakes...
“What ab-bout you?” Cessilia muttered.
Ashen scoffed.
“When my mother and brother fell sick, I was left alone to care for them. At first, Mom claimed they’d be fine with a bit of herbs, but I could see what was going on in our streets. The bodies and the sickness that was spreading... All the decent doctors had fled the Capital, or died trying to help others. I could steal and hunt well enough to provide food, but I had no knowledge in medicine, and my mother and brother were not getting any better. My little brothers cried day and night for so long... At some point, I got desperate enough that I tried to ask for my father’s help... He was a stranger to me, but I knew enough to hope he wouldn’t leave us this way. I knew how rich he had gotten. So I swallowed my pride, and I walked there, ready to beg for help. But the doors to the castle remained closed for a nobody like me. No one knew I was the Great King Ashtoran’s son.”
Cessilia felt her heart sinking, hearing this. She could feel the extreme anger and sadness in his voice. Ashen couldn’t see her, even as she gently hugged him. His eyes were lost in dark, painful memories.
“I waited outside for days, asking again and again for my father. The guards refused to open up. The King didn’t receive anyone... not even some kid who was claiming to be his bastard.”
“...I’m so s-sorry.”
Cessilia’s voice was breaking a bit. As if she could feel all of his sadness, she felt like crying too, and she could only try to repress her tears. This was so horrible to even imagine. The young Ashen, desperate to save his family, and a father that never acknowledged him. The amount of time he ought to have spent alone outside the castle’s closed doors, waiting, praying, hoping for some miracle, or someone to help his dying family...
After a short silence, she heard him sighing and to her surprise, Ashen hugged her back, his fingers gently combing through her curls as if she was the one in need of comforting. She heard him sigh faintly.
“...As you can guess, they didn’t make it. My brother and I buried them in one of the communal graves, like anyone else... and we did our best to survive on our own. We stole and held on to this house for as long as we could. There was no work in the Capital, and nothing anywhere else. The King’s reign had brought so much more anger and fear, civil war was already threatening to explode in the third year of his reign. His wife’s only son was killed by his enemies, and their two daughters had died young... he was probably desperate for an heir. That’s when my father suddenly remembered he had fathered a few bastard sons. I swear, the day he showed up at our house, expecting to find our mother with us, I was ready to fucking murder him... but I didn’t, for my younger brother’s sake.”
“Your f-father t-took you in b-because he wanted... sons?” muttered Cessilia, shocked.
“Yeah. He believed that establishing a proper dynasty would make him more legitimate... Perhaps he was even inspired by the Dragon Empire, since the Princes’ popularity was supporting their father’s. Because his sons were street children who had faced difficulties like others, he thought it would be even better suited for his plan. I did not take his return well. He apologized to us, and made up some sob story about how we were his long-lost sons... I didn’t believe him one bit, but it was still better to accept his newfound love for us than to risk losing my brother and dying in the streets. So I swallowed my pride, and let him take us in. I admit, he gave us all the wealth we had never even dared to imagine. At first, I was relieved, but I slowly realized he had become just as corrupt as the nobles he had once hated for it... When I began to call him out on it, he got mad, and sent me to train with his soldiers as an apprentice. I turned out to be decently good, so he sent me even more, to calm down his angry vassals and repress the rebels. He only needed one of us, so he probably thought my brother would be enough, and me expendable. I was just fourteen at the time, but I was so bent on not letting anyone break me or kill me... I became good enough for those men to respect me despite my age. Ironically, I did much better than he had expected. I somehow became the new pride of this father I had loathed for so long. He used the fact that I was away to pretend to love me from afar, saying I was doing everything in his name, thinking no one knew how bad our relationship really was. But I never hid that our relationship was bad. When people realized I did come from the street and didn’t share my father’s rotten values, they were even more ready to listen and follow me. Unlike what he had hoped, the more he sent me out to the battlefield, the more my reputation grew, and his diminished. For a while, he wouldn’t dare to touch me, but he also knew I was turning into the biggest threat he had ever faced.”
Cessilia felt a chill run down her spine. This father-son rivalry couldn’t have ended well, but she had a feeling things were even worse than she thought. From what Yassim had told her, she remembered Ashen had been seemingly murdered by his father’s enemies... However, this didn’t match what she was hearing now. Why would they have killed their best hope at a change? Between a selfish king and a people-devoted, upcoming, strong, young prince who wasn’t afraid to oppose the tyrant, the choice should have been easy.
“...What h-happened?”
“Realizing that me being on the field wasn’t serving his interests, he got me to come back to the Capital more and more often, despite me doing my best to stay away. The only reason I had to come back was my younger brother. Until, one night... I woke up to the screams of my stepmother. I already knew my father’s wife wasn’t happy in this marriage, but I had always thought it would be better for me not to involve myself with that woman. My brother had a different opinion. Unlike me, he lived in the castle and interacted with her more often than me. He had... walked in on our father forcing himself on her. Not just once, but repeatedly. She hadn’t chosen to marry him, and she probably had enough of being his thing. In fact, she was closer in age to us than she was to our father, and... my brother couldn’t leave her alone. He hadn’t told me anything, but he had probably resolved to protect her if my father sought for her again. He was still a boy, though... My father didn’t take it well. His wife was his property, you see. A good bought from his former master that he was not ready to let go of. A trophy... That night, when my brother begged him to stop assaulting her, and got between them, he refused and instead, he attacked my brother.”
“Oh, G-God, no...”
