She felt Ashen’s grip tighten around her shoulders. She could feel his apparent calm was like a storm under the surface. He was merely repressing his anger from that memory.
“...I arrived too late. I barely got a grasp of the situation... I couldn’t save him. He had tried to act stronger than he was, and didn’t want to involve me... My stepmother was injured too. Her screams and sobs still ring in my ears sometimes... It was the most horrible sound I’ve ever heard. My father was already half-dragging her out, but she wanted to go to my brother’s body. Perhaps there really was something between them... Once she saw me, she probably realized I was in danger too. She begged me to run. But I couldn’t simply turn my back on my brother’s murder. Bare-handed, I tried to attack my father. He had his sword in hand, and it would have only taken him one blow. Just one. What happened next, I am not sure. The next thing I knew, that woman was stabbed in my stead, and I was pushed, falling out of the window. The last thing I saw was my father’s hand, grabbing her hair and pulling her back inside. ...I lost consciousness when my body hit the sea.”
Cessilia shivered. She had seen the sea so many times from the castle’s windows, she couldn’t imagine anyone falling from that height and surviving. It explained the many, many scars on Ashen’s body, though, and the terrible state they had found him in...
He gently caressed her hair.
“I have no idea how I survived that fall, nor how long I spent adrift at sea. There was a storm that night, but I didn’t drown. I still believe the gods favored me somehow, for how I was lucky that I fell on a side without rocks that my body could have crashed onto, or how the waves pushed me away from the Capital. When I woke up, my body was floating along the Pseha at dawn... and the river took me all the way up to the north.”
He suddenly cupped Cessilia’s cheeks between his hands, and had her look up to him, smiling at her. All the sadness from earlier seemed to have somehow disappeared, replaced by his gentle, relieved expression.
“That’s when a curious little princess and her dragon found me, half-dead.”
Cessilia blushed, but smiled back at him. She knew what had happened next, this time.
“...We f-found you in the n-north,” she muttered with a smile. “I r-remember. You were d-drifting, and c-covered in remnants of b-blood... I th-thought you were already d-dead when I c-called my brothers to d-drag you out...”
“Without your mother, I probably would have died,” muttered Ashen, “and without you, I would have chosen to.”
He let out a long sigh and kissed her forehead, very gently.
“I thought... I had lost absolutely everything. My home, my family... I thought it was time I gave up on life. There was nowhere to go home to, absolutely nothing I wanted anymore.”
“You d-didn’t talk for so long,” Cessilia remembered. “We th-thought you were m-mute for real.”
“I was... depressed. I had no will to live left. I thought... your family’s kindness was unnecessary. I didn’t get what I could possibly want from life, after everything that had happened. But, unlike my expectations, I didn’t die. Not only did I not die, but you were almost... dragging me back to a normal life. I was shocked that your family didn’t expect anything from me. You healed me, fed me, and clothed me without expecting anything in return. You were just... happy to have me around.”
“You h-helped with the ch-chores. It was m-more than enough...”
“No, you don’t get it. If it had been just me, I would have probably found a place to let myself die, or jumped off a cliff or something... but I couldn’t do that after your mother had spent so much time healing me. Plus, you just weren’t leaving me alone. You had no idea what was going on inside my head, but you still wouldn’t let go of my hand, and you took me everywhere with you, and you were so... innocent and pure and kind. You didn’t care that I didn’t talk, you’d show me your world, anyway. The smallest things made you happy, and you shared them with me. You were like... the sun to me. More than any of your siblings, I was always attracted to your smile, your gentleness. How you cared for all your younger siblings made me feel like... there was someone else like me, devoted to their family. That the choices I had made so far made sense, that it wasn’t all... worthless. That there was always someone, somewhere, who could need me. Even if they weren’t my family. I realized you had taken me from having no will, nothing I wanted, to me needing you.”
Kissing her forehead once more, he then slowly moved to join their foreheads together. The two of them breathed so slowly, it felt like everything around them had suddenly gone incredibly quiet and calm. As if it was just the two of them left in this city, the other’s skin the only source of warmth. Their faces were so close, but they kept their eyes closed, neither of them moving, both lost in those blessed memories they created years ago.
“Your home became my paradise. Despite my grief, I felt happiness like I had never before... I was healing, slowly. Both my body and my mind. You were the best medicine, and I was... addicted to you. Every day, I was looking forward to your expressions, your movements, your smiles. I wanted to see what you’d do, what would make you happy or excited. The way you smiled at your mom, and how small you were next to your father. How strong the bond was with your siblings... It was like watching a dream from afar. I didn’t expect to be part of it, but of course, your family wouldn’t hear of it. You don’t know how everything your family did was precious to me. Kassian and Darsan treated me like a brother... Your mother was there to listen when I needed to talk. Your father... took me under his wing, and taught me how to be a real fighter. Your parents knew where I came from, and perhaps, they figured I’d go back someday, so they prepared me, the best they could.”
Cessilia knew. She could remember the blessed days where she had spent the whole day watching Ashen and her brothers train together. How he had become a part of her family, someone she genuinely loved. Until her feelings had gradually moved to a different kind of love, along with the months. She was young, but this was when her first feelings as a woman blossomed. Ashen was handsome, hard-working, honest, and kind. Perhaps she had felt a bit of his feelings for her too, but Cessilia had a hunch that, even if he hadn’t loved her, she would have fallen in love with the boy from back then. She liked how calm and composed he always was, his gentle movements that spoke more than his few words.
She smiled, and gently caressed his cheek, looking into his dark eyes. His face was framed by his silver-white hair, gleaming under the moonlight. His hair wasn’t completely white when they had found him, but it already had a handful of white or gray strands... as if Ashen had been three or four times his real age. According to her mother, it was something that could be caused by stress, or poison, but this was an extremely rare condition, with no known cure. As if his body had needed to express all his trauma, in some way... The discarded Prince was well-fed, and had a strong body, but his scars and white hair were proof of all the hardships he had gone through.
“You’re s-strong,” she muttered. “I d-didn’t know how much you endured b-back then. You d-didn’t show any of it... and when you c-came back, you d-did what you c-could, didn’t you?”
Ashen sighed, his expression darkening.
“...You know I didn’t choose to come back,” he groaned. “When... your father told me to leave, he said I should go back and finish what I had started; I never thought he had been training me all this time with the idea to send me back and let me conquer my father’s throne. At least, not so soon. The way he... banned me from the Empire was so sudden. I felt like I was falling down from that window again, losing everything and everyone I cherished. It was like being thrown back into hell after tasting paradise for more than two years. My hair turned completely white then, I think. ...I didn’t want to go back, but once I was back in my Kingdom, I realized there were truly people who needed me.”
He took a deep breath, his eyes going down on the sword at his side.
“...In the end, I obeyed your father. I started from scratch, letting people believe what they wanted about my supposed death... My father had used my murder to gain sympathy, so when I got back, everything crumbled under his feet. People had already endured two years of civil war, they were more than glad to see me appear to put an end to it.”
He scoffed bitterly, a disgusted smirk on his lips.
“...Killing him was almost too easy,” he chuckled bitterly. “He hadn’t trained in years, he was no match for me, who had been trained for two years by the War God himself. Plus, those who were still debating on who to follow against him were only too happy to rally behind me... like the nine clans. I knew some of them didn’t do it only for my sake, but I figured it was better to let them follow my lead and deal with their expectations later. It only led to where we are now...”
He let out a long sigh. Despite how young Ashen was, he already had faint wrinkles, too many scars, and something incredibly sad and wise in his dark eyes. He had already lived one too many lives, it seemed. Cessilia smiled, and gently pulled his face closer to kiss him.
“...My King,” she muttered. “You’ve really gone through a lot, haven’t you?”
He smiled. He liked the way the Dragon Princess said this, with a hint of possessiveness in it. Ever since she had appeared again, he was rediscovering the girl he had once known bit by bit, unveiling how she had grown into a strong, beautiful, and determined woman. Still, the more he learned about her, the more unworthy he felt. He didn’t want to be that weak, anger-filled boy anymore. The same way he had turned from a prince to a king who had fully taken his throne with his own power, he wanted to be a strong and reliable man to Cessilia, not the self-centered bastard he had shown her all this time. He took a deep breath, and answered her kiss back.
“...Let’s leave,” he said.
She nodded, and he gently pulled her hand, the two of them leaving the house. Cessilia glanced back once more before they stepped out. Even if this place was filled with melancholy, she could feel it had been the home of some happy days too. Hopefully, it would be able to host more in the future...
“...Now you know,” Ashen sighed once they were outside. “...I’m sorry it took me so long. You’re the first person to know all of this... about my past.”
“Thank you for t-telling me,” she said calmly, “...but it d-doesn’t change anything, Ashen.”
His hands froze on the lock he was busy putting back. He finished locking it, and turned to her, taking her hand with a worried expression.
“...What doesn’t change? What are you talking about?”
Cessilia sighed calmly, and caressed his cheek once more.
“You’re still a p-prince, in their eyes… a p-prince they want t-to manipulate to d-do their b-bidding. You haven’t finished the t-task my father sent you to do. Finish what you s-started here. End the wars and b-bring peace to your home c-country.”
“Cessilia...”
“I’ll help you,” she added with a gentle smile. “D-don’t worry. I’m stronger than you th-think, and so are you. We c-can do this... together.”
