My loyalty is to the people who bring positivity into my life. My loyalty is to the people who want to build me up and see me happy. Those are the people I’m going to make decisions about my life for.

I’m going to continue doing the best I can, and that’s all I can do. I may not have made all the right decisions in the right time frames, but the fact that I found the courage to make those decisions at all is what I’m going to keep focusing on.

Atlas slips a finger beneath my chin, tilting my head back so that I’m looking at him. He’s got this look on his face like he’s right where he wants to be. “I can’t tell you how much I’ve enjoyed this,” he says. He pulls me closer, sliding me up his chest so that I’m eye to eye with him. He caresses the side of my head. “I wish I could have you in my bed like this every night. I want to shower with you and cook with you and watch TV with you and go grocery shopping with you. I want everything with you. I hate that we have to pretend like we don’t already know we’re spending the rest of our lives together.”

It’s incredible how fast a heart rate can double. I slide my fingers over his lips. “We aren’t pretending. We are going to spend the rest of our lives together.”

“How long do we have to wait until we start?”

“From the looks of it, we’ve already started,” I say.

“How long do I have to wait before I ask you to move in with me?”

Heat swirls in my stomach. “Six months, at least.”

He nods as if he’s taking mental notes. “And how long before I’m allowed to propose?”

A thickness forms in my throat, making it hard to swallow. “A year. Year and a half.”

“A year from when we move in together or a year from now?”

“From now.”

He grins, pulling me flat against him. “Good to know.”

I can’t help but laugh into his neck. “That was a surprising conversation.”

“Yeah, my therapist is going to kill me when I tell him about it.”

I’m smiling as I roll off him and lay on my side. I snuggle into the crook of his arm and run my fingers over Atlas’s chest, and then trail them over the ridges of his stomach. His muscles clench and twitch beneath my fingernails. “Do you work out?”

“When I can.”

“It shows.”

Atlas laughs lightheartedly. “Are you trying to flirt with me, Lily?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t need compliments. You’re naked and in my bed. Not much else you need to do; you won me over years ago.”

I lift my head and smirk, like that’s a challenge. “You don’t think so?”

He shakes his head, smiling lazily. He runs his thumb over my bottom lip. “Pretty sure I am filled to capacity. I think I may have even reached enlightenment tonight.”

I keep my eyes locked with his, but I readjust myself, and then I slowly start to slide down his body. “I think I can still impress you,” I whisper. He releases a deep exhale when I press a kiss to his stomach. My gaze is still on his face, and I love that his expression begins to tighten while he watches me.

He swallows when I start to move the sheet aside, until he’s no longer covered below the waist. His eyes darken. “Fuck, Lily.”

He allows his head to fall back against his pillow as soon as my tongue slides up the length of him.

He groans when I take him in my mouth, and then I prove him very wrong.

Chapter Twenty-Nine Atlas

I can’t get enough of her, but I think it’s okay because she can’t seem to get enough of me. She woke me up this morning by sliding on top of me and kissing my neck.

She ended up on her back seconds later with my mouth between her thighs.

Maybe we’re so hungry for each other because we know it’s rare that we’ll get days like this. Or maybe it’s because we’ve missed each other for so many years.

Or maybe this is just what things are like when you’re in love. I’ve been with women aside from Lily, but I’m convinced she’s the only one I’ve ever truly loved.

My feelings for Lily are amplified unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. They’re even more amplified than the feelings I had for her when we were younger. It’s different now—stronger, deeper, more exciting. There’s no way in hell I’d walk away from her now like I did back then.

I know I was in a different headspace entirely at the age of eighteen, and that had a lot to do with why I didn’t feel like I should stick around for her. But I’m all-in now. I absolutely hate the idea of taking it slow. I get why we need to, but I don’t have to like it. I want her near me every day, because I feel absolutely unfulfilled on the days I can’t see her.

Now that we’ve stayed the night together, I have a feeling the ache is going to get worse. I’m going to grow irritable when I have to go too long without seeing her. She’s standing right next to me while we brush our teeth, but I’m already dreading that she’s about to leave.

Maybe if I offer to cook her breakfast, I’ll get her for at least another hour.

“Why do you have a spare toothbrush?” Lily asks me. She spits her toothpaste into my sink and winks at me. “You have overnight guests a lot?”

I smile at her and rinse my mouth, but I don’t answer that question. I have that toothbrush for her, but I don’t want to admit it. I’ve made a lot of small moves over the years that were all excused with just in case Lily…

After she left my place a couple of years ago while she was hiding from Ryle, I went out and bought a lot of things just in case she needed to come back. An extra toothbrush, more comfortable pillows for my guest room, a change of clothes in case she showed up in an emergency.

I had a Lily emergency kit, if you will. I guess now it’s more of a Lily sleepover kit. And yes, I brought it all to the new house with me when I moved. I’ve always had a little bit of hope that we’d end up together someday.

Hell, if I’m being honest with myself, I’ve had a great deal of hope. I’ve based a lot of my decisions on the possibility that Lily might come back into my life. I even chose this house over another one I was considering, simply because of the backyard. It looked like a backyard Lily would fall in love with.

I wipe my mouth on a hand towel and then hand it to her to use. “Can I make you breakfast before you go?”

“Yeah, but kiss me first. I taste better than I did this morning.” She stands on her tiptoes and I wrap my arms around her and lift her the rest of the way to my mouth. I kiss her while I walk her out of the bathroom and then drop her onto my mattress. I hover over her.

“You want pancakes? Crepes? An omelet? Biscuits and gravy?” Before she can answer me, my doorbell rings. “Josh is home.” I give her a quick peck. “He likes pancakes. Will that work?”

“I love pancakes.”

“Pancakes it is.” I walk to the living room and unlock the door for Josh. I open it, and then I immediately freeze at the sight of my mother.

I sigh, frustrated I didn’t use the peephole.

She looks at me flatly, her arms folded across her chest. “I got a visit from a caseworker yesterday.” Her eyes are accusing, but at least she isn’t yelling.

I am not about to do this with Lily here. I step outside and try to close the door, but my mother slaps it open. “Josh, get out here!” she yells into the house.

“He isn’t here.” I keep my voice low.