I stare at Emerson in wonder, still amazed by how much she looks like Lily. She’s the spitting image of her mother, and I’m not at all upset that she looks nothing like her father. “Do you need me to grab anything?”
“Her diaper bag is in the passenger seat.”
I grab it, and we make our way into the house. Josh looks over his shoulder when he hears me walk inside. Lily waves at him, and he nods his head, but then when he notices Emerson, he turns completely around in his chair.
“That’s a baby,” he says.
“It is,” Lily replies. “Her name is Emerson.”
Josh looks at me. “Is it yours?” He uses the Sharpie in his hand to point at Emerson. “Is that my niece?”
Lily laughs uncomfortably.
I probably should have warned Josh before they showed up. “No, I am not a dad, and you are not an uncle.”
Josh stares at us for a minute, then shrugs and says, “Okay.” He turns around and gives his attention back to his homework.
“Sorry about that,” I say quietly. I set Emerson’s diaper bag near the couch. “Want me to get a blanket for her?”
Lily nods, so I grab a thick quilt from the hallway closet and lay it on the floor next to the couch. I double it over to give it more cushion, and she places Emerson on it. Emerson sleeps through the entire transfer.
“Don’t let her fool you—she’s a very light sleeper.” Lily kicks off her shoes and sits on the couch, pulling her feet beneath her. I sit down next to her, hoping she feels like talking about what happened, because I need to know why she’s scared.
Josh can’t see us from the dining room, so I give Lily a quick kiss. I doubt he can hear us from where he is, but I whisper anyway. “What happened?”
She sighs with her entire body and leans against the couch, facing me. “He showed up to get Emmy, and I wasn’t expecting him. He saw our wineglasses. My clothes. He put two and two together, and he had the exact reaction I was afraid he would have.”
“What reaction was that?”
“He got angry. But he left before it got too bad.”
Too bad? What does that even mean? “Does he know it was me who was there?”
Lily nods. “That’s practically the first thing he asked. He got angry, and I asked him to leave. And he did… but…”
She stops talking, and for the first time, I notice her hand is trembling. God, I hate him so much. I pull her to me so that her cheek is pressed against my chest and I hold her. “What did he do that scared you, Lily?”
Her palm is pressed right over my heart. She whispers, “He pushed me against the door, and he got close to my face, and I thought he was going to hit me or… I don’t know. He didn’t, though.” She must feel my heart hammering twice as fast against my chest now, because she lifts her head and looks at me. “I’m fine, Atlas. I promise. Nothing happened after that; it’s just been a long time since I’ve seen him that angry.”
“He pushed you against the door. That’s not nothing.”
Her eyes flick away, and she lays her head back on my chest. “I know. I know. I just don’t know what to do about it. I don’t know what to do about Emmy. I was actually getting close to letting him have an overnight with her, and now I don’t even want him to have unsupervised visits.”
“He doesn’t deserve unsupervised visits. You need to take him back to court.”
Lily sighs, and I can tell this is probably the part of her life that causes her the most stress. I can’t imagine what it must be like for her to watch him drive off with her little girl in his car, knowing what he’s capable of. I’m glad she came here today. I know it’s important to her that she waited to bring Emmy around me, but she made the right decision. Ryle might show back up to apologize and get Emmy, and he’ll find her at all her usual places.
He won’t find her here. Besides, Lily and I know this thing that’s been brewing between us is absolutely a long-term situation. She doesn’t have to worry about me forming an attachment to Emmy and then disappearing. As long as Lily wants me around, I’m not going anywhere.
She lifts her face to look at me again, and there’s a smudge of mascara near her temple. I wipe it away. “This conflict with him,” she says. “This is what I tried to warn you about. It could be a constant thing, especially now that he knows you’re back in my life.”
She’s saying this like she’s giving me the opportunity to bow out of this thing with her. I can’t believe she assumes that’s even crossing my mind. “You could have fifty ex-husbands who try to make our lives hell, but as long as I have you, I will be absolutely unaffected by anyone else’s negativity. That’s a promise.”
That makes her smile for the first time since she showed up here. I don’t want to do or say anything that could steal that smile, so I change the subject away from her weak-ass ex-husband.
“Are you thirsty?”
She pushes off my chest and grins even bigger. “Yes. I’m thirsty and I’m hungry. Why else would I show up at a chef’s house?”
Lily and Emerson have been here for about four hours now. Once Josh did as much of his homework as he could, he started playing with Emerson. Lily said she’s been taking steps for a few weeks now, and Josh finds it hilarious that she follows him everywhere. He moved around for an hour while she stumbled after him, but now she’s asleep again. She fell asleep on the floor next to me with her head on my leg. Lily offered to move her, but I wouldn’t let her.
I would be lying if I said this wasn’t a little surreal. Deep down, I know that Lily and I are going to work out. She’s my person, and I am hers, and that’s something I’ve known since the first week we met. But looking at Emerson, knowing this child is likely going to end up becoming a huge part of my life—that’s a lot to take in. I could be her stepfather someday. I’ll likely be more of an influence in her life than her biological father, because Lily and I will eventually move in together. We’ll likely marry someday.
I’d never admit any of this out loud because people like Theo would say I’m getting ahead of myself, but the truth is, I’m years behind where I want to be with Lily. Where I could have been with her.
This is a hugely significant day, even if I don’t see Emerson again for months. This could be the first day I’m spending with someone who might one day end up becoming my daughter.
I brush thin strands of strawberry hair behind Emerson’s ear and try to understand where some of Ryle’s anger is coming from. He can’t be clueless to what Lily moving on would mean for his relationship with Emerson. Lily has Emerson the majority of the time, so whoever Lily chooses to bring into her life will also be around Emerson that same amount of time.
I’m not excusing Ryle’s behavior by any means. If I had my way, he’d get a job offer in Sudan, and we’d only have to deal with him once a year.
But that’s not the reality here. Ryle lives in the same city as his daughter, and his ex-wife is moving on with someone else. That can’t be easy on anyone. While I can understand how difficult it probably is for him, I’ll never understand his failure to recognize that it’s no one’s fault but his own. If he would have been a more mature, more rational man, Lily never would have left him. He’d have his wife and his daughter, and me and Lily wouldn’t even be in contact.
I’m worried for Lily. I’m worried Ryle is a little bit like my mother, and that he’s going to retaliate by fighting for the sake of fighting, and for no other reason.
“Have you ever made a report against Ryle?” I ask, looking at Lily. She’s sitting on the floor next to me, watching Emerson sleep on my leg.
“No.” There’s a drop of shame in Lily’s response.
