For a moment, Zora’s expression goes blank.
Then she knocks me over the head with her fist.
“OW!” I yell, and it echoes off the cavern walls. “Was that necessary?”
“Apparently!” she says. “Now listen, you have a girl who quite literally died so you wouldn’t have to choose between her life and mine. And no, don’t give me that look. You might be used to being the smartest person around, but I can read between the lines too, you know. It’s not that difficult to figure out. She quite literally died for you, and you’re standing here wondering if she wants you?”
I grit my teeth. “During the Turning, there’s something about you—something about us—that changes. In our souls. I know she thinks she wants me. I know she came back to Mystral intending to free me. But Zora, I was there. I was there, in his head, when she kissed him, and I know I should believe that she did it so he could let his guard down. So she could lure him into Gunter’s room and disarm him. I know that’s the logical thing to think. But…”
“But?”
I take in a long breath. “But…But I felt that kiss. I felt how much she wanted it. You don’t understand, the bloodsharing ritual. I could feel what she was feeling. What they were both feeling, and it was only feeding off of each other. She didn’t just convince Farin she wanted him because she’s a brilliant actor, a master deceiver. She convinced him because it was the truth.”
Zora stares at me for a long while. Long enough for my cheeks to heat, as if reliving the moment the love of my life seduced my doppelgänger isn’t humiliating enough as it is.
“What?” I ask, when her stare becomes unbearable.
“You need to get over that,” she says.
I jerk my head backward. “Pardon?”
“Why does it matter what she wanted to do? It seems to me that you should be more concerned about what she did do, and that was find a way to keep you—you, Nox—alive.”
“It matters because she wanted him. Can’t you see why that might bother me?”
“You’re allowed to be bothered,” she says. “But being bothered and refusing to go back and get her are two different things.”
I let out a huff, because it’s the only reaction I’m able to have toward my sister. Apparently, quite little has changed.
“Listen, I’ve lived quite a few lives by this point, and though apparently none of them meant anything, and all my pain, loss, grief, and sacrifice have been utterly pointless, since all I was ever supposed to do was take notes, I’ve at least learned a bit about people. And if I’ve learned anything, anything at all, it’s that there are few people who are willing to put their feelings aside for the people they love. And if you happen to be the person they’re willing to do that for, then you had better be willing to cross realms to find them. You’d also better be willing to overlook what they might have wanted to do during a time of extreme stress and mental anguish.”
I stare at my sister in a bit of shock.
“Okay,” I say, swallowing my pride. “So where do you think this eyelet actually is?”
She nods toward the intricate webs again. I look, closer this time, and notice that the cave wall behind the spider silk has an effervescent quality. It glistens, just slightly, and if I focus, I can glimpse the edges of a distortion.
“So we just…step through?” I ask, not sure how I feel about stepping through a cavern wall that’s not actually a wall.
“Well, you step through, yes.”
I spin on my sister.
She bites her lip, swinging her interlocked hands behind her back. “Did I not mention that I’m not going with you?”
“What do you mean, you’re not going with me?”
My words rattle the cavern, echoing off the glistening walls. My hands are shaking, though if it’s in anticipation of seeing Blaise again or frustration at my sister, I’m not sure.
“I mean that I’m not going with you. You know, if you would stop asking what I mean all the time and just start taking my words at face value, it would save you a lot of breath.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, rubbing the bridge of my nose. It’s a habit I picked up from my bloodlust headaches, a malady I suppose I’m returning to as soon as I step through this eyelet.
Without my sister.
Because apparently she’s changed her mind.
Either that, or she’s been lying to me from the beginning.
“Allow me to rephrase,” I say, taking a steadying breath. “Why are you not coming?”
“Maybe I have a crush on your creepy body-snatching friend and I’d like to stick around to get to know him,” Zora says.
I level her a deadpan expression.
“Okay, fine. I’m just not done here, that’s all. I’ll find another eyelet. Follow you later. I’ll wake up. You’ll throw a party. I suppose. Though I don’t really hear you talking about friends that are still alive, so maybe you won’t.”
“You’re not ready.”
Zora exhales a huff of air, causing her cheeks to billow out. Then she lifts her shoulders, her palms face up to the ceiling. “I’m not ready.”
Sorrow threatens to squeeze my heart. I’m not ready, either. Not ready to let my sister go, not when I just got her back.
“Oh, don’t look so forlorn,” she says, punching me in the side of the shoulder. “You’re looking at me like you’ll never see me again.”
“I thought you’d decided there wasn’t a purpose to you being here. To you living these lives. That Gunter sending you here to gather information undermined all that,” I say.
“Yeah, well,” she says, picking at a loose thread hanging from the tip of her sleeve, her eyes downcast as she shuffles her weight between her feet. “Maybe I don’t accept that.”
