“Damn right it was low, you conceited jackass.” I try to move past him, but he blocks me, and the scent of his cologne makes my head spin. Damn, did he always smell this good? I shake my head to clear all the unwelcome thoughts that come with seeing him when I’m already so vulnerable. I hate Nathan James. “Get out of my way.”
He grabs hold of my shoulders, and I’m forced to look at his handsome face. I stuff my hands into my coat pockets so I don’t punch him in it. “I want to be there, Mel. At every appointment. I want to be a part of it.”
I shake my head. “I don’t need you.”
“I know that. But you said—” His voice cracks. “Don’t I deserve to be a part of our child’s life?”
Our child. A sob wells in my throat, and I swallow it back down where it belongs. “No!” His eyes fill with sadness, and my weak armor cracks. “But our child does deserve to know their father, so …” I shrug.
“So I can come with you to the scan?”
I nod but avoid looking at him. If I see the happiness in his voice reflected in his eyes, it will only break my heart more.
He steps back and opens the door of his car for me. I climb inside and lean against the door, trying to stay as far away from him as humanly possible. Once he’s inside, the car pulls away from the curb. We spend a few minutes in awkward silence before I realize I haven’t told him where my appointment is. I never told him I even had one. What the hell?
I turn in my seat and watch him stare out the window. So calm and self-assured, while I’m full of anxiety and fear. “How did you even know I had a scan today?”
He shrugs. “I’m a man of many talents.”
“You must know that’s a gross invasion of my privacy.”
He gives me his full attention. “What else was I supposed to do when you wouldn’t take my calls?”
“Because you acted like a giant asshole,” I remind him.
He licks his bottom lip and closes his eyes, like he’s trying to keep a lid on his emotions. “I’m sorry about what I said.”
“Yeah, you already told me that.” I turn and stare out at the people on the street.
“Why are you having a scan so early anyway?”
I press my lips together. Tears burn behind my eyes. I don’t want to have this conversation. Not now, not with him. I hope my silence conveys that.
He presses me anyway. “Is it because there might be a problem?”
I swallow the lump in my throat and swat away the tear that rolls down my cheek.
“If there’s something wrong, Mel, I should know. Let me—”
I cut him off before he can start playing the white knight. He does not get to be the hero here. “I lost two babies.”
“Mel, I had no idea. I’m sorry.” He reaches for my hand, but I yank it away.
“I don’t need your pity.”
He mutters something unintelligible, but I remain focused on the street outside and do my damnedest not to think about that time in my life. Thankfully Nathan doesn’t push me any further, and we spend the rest of the journey in silence.
Chapter
Fifty-Four
NATHAN
There’s not much to be seen in the grainy image on the screen, but the obstetrician is smiling as she points out our baby, and the sound of the rapid heartbeat fills the small exam room.
But most of my focus is on Mel’s face. Previously a mask of worry, it’s now lit up like a Christmas tree. Her eyes shine with unbridled happiness, and I have never seen her look more beautiful than she does at this moment.
“You’re six weeks and three days pregnant,” Dr. Walker says.
“Wow!” I blink at the fuzzy image on the screen again. “You can be that accurate?”
“Sure can,” she says with a smile, before she directs all of her attention to Mel again. “Because of your history, we’ll schedule another scan at ten weeks and again at twelve weeks.”
Mel nods her understanding, and Dr. Walker removes the wand and sanitizes her equipment while Mel cleans herself up. My hands twitch by my sides as I resist the urge to help her, but I’m pretty sure she doesn’t need my assistance to get her panties back on.
The doctor is making notes on her computer, and she glances up at Mel. “Remind me how far along you were with your previous miscarriages.”
I watch my wife’s slender throat thicken as she swallows. “Six weeks with the first, and sixteen with the second.”
Holy shit. I know enough about pregnancy to know that sixteen weeks is pretty far along. No wonder she was so anxious on the drive here.
Dr. Walker hums, makes a few more notes, then gives us information on prenatal vitamins and care. I listen intently, swearing to myself that I will do everything in my power to make sure my wife and our baby are taken care in the best way possible.
We’re back in the car on the way home when I finally broach the subject of Mel’s previous pregnancies. “How old were you?”
Her eyes fill with tears, and I want nothing more than to wrap her in my arms and take the hurt away for her, but I’m painfully aware that I have no right to do that anymore. “Nineteen.”
Jesus fucking Christ. She was just a kid.
