I stand in the closet, staring down at the dress I wore. It’s so small. I think I forgot it was so small. I hiss as I slip my pajama pants on. My body is sore from Mikhail taking me. He didn’t hold back at all. Mikhail wanted to claim me before a crowd of people, and he did exactly that.

I step into our empty bedroom once in my pajamas. Mikhail is downstairs dealing with the Irina situation. Even though he owns most of Moscow, murder is still murder. He can't risk getting into trouble.

So, that leaves me alone tonight.

The tears hit me. The next thing I know, I’m curled into a ball, bawling my eyes out. I had a lot of firsts happen tonight. First time going to a BDSM club. First time having sex. And first time watching a murder. Normally, firsts are exciting, but I just feel drained.

I miss my mother more than anything right now. She would hold me and sing to me whenever I was upset. It didn’t matter what was going on with her. She would be there for me no matter what.

Without even realizing what my body’s doing, I get up, walk to Vik’s room, and knock on the door. It’s well past midnight by now, so I have to knock harder for Vik to hear me. Eventually, she opens the door.

“Sofiya.” Her eyes widen. “What …”

I can’t even speak as I cry harder. The tears just won’t stop.

“Come here.” She pulls me into a hug and runs her hand up and down my hair, just like our mother did. I know comforting someone isn’t easy for Vik. She’s not exactly the most empathetic person. But she’s making the effort for me, which just makes me cry harder.

Vik tugs me into the room and shuts the door, leading me to her bed. We lie down together, and she holds me from behind.

She doesn’t let me go, even as I fall asleep through my tears.

I wake up, not realizing where I am for a moment, but when I turn my head and see Vik sitting up beside me, staring down at me with concerned eyes, I remember.

“Hi,” I say, looking away from her, my face turning red. Vik will hold this over my head forever. I just know it.

“Hi, yourself. You were a mess last night. What happened?”

I shake my head.

“Sofiya, come on. Talk to me.”

“No. You’ll just make me feel bad.”

“I will not,” she says, affronted.

“Vik, you’re the queen of making people feel bad.”

She huffs, rolling her eyes. “Fine. But not right now. I’ve never seen you so upset. Not even when our parents died.”

“I had sex last night,” I whisper, keeping my eyes glued to the ceiling. I can’t see Vik’s reaction, but I can tell from her quick inhale she has a lot she wants to say.

“I guess I just assumed you and Mikhail had already …”

“No. I mean, we’ve done some … stuff. But not that. Not until last night. He took me to a BDSM club, and we had sex in front of a group of people.”

“I can’t tell if you’re being serious right now.”

I force myself to look at her. “I’m being completely serious.”

“Wow. That’s …” She lets out a slow breath. “That’s a lot.”

“And then this woman, Irina, tried to kill me afterward.”

Vik holds up a hand. “Ok. Slow down.”

“There’s more.”

“There’s more?”

“Mikhail killed her for trying to kill me.”

“Ok …”

“There’s more.”

“How can there be more?”

I look back up at the ceiling as I feel a single tear escape my eye. “I let him hold me afterward because he makes me feel safe. Even though he absolutely terrifies me. I still want him.”

“Is that it?”

“Yes.”

Vik shakes her head as she lets out another exhale. “And all of this happened last night?”

I nod.

“I guess … I’ll be honest. I don’t know what to say.”

“You always know what to say.”

“I know. But not this time.” Her eyes lock with mine. For once, they’re full of softness rather than her normal derision. “Are you ok?”

“I have no idea.”

“Well, you know I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

Pushing myself up, I look at my older sister with shock. “How would I know that? You’ve done nothing but hurt me.”

Vik flinches before raising her head high. “I know I’ve been … intense before. But you know I don’t want you or Mila to get hurt. To die. You know that.”

“I do know that,” I say softly. Despite my sister’s faults, I know she’s telling the truth. “Do you have anything else to say?”

She looks up for a moment before turning back to me. “Yeah. I’m now glad I’m not the one married to Mikhail.”