“Do you know where she is?”
I paused a moment. “No. Her phone’s disconnected. Again.”
Maddy looked annoyed. “Probably didn’t pay the bill. You know, for someone who asks you for as much money as she does, she sure ends up in collections a lot. God, I hate her.”
I looked away from her. My relationship with my mother was complicated. It wasn’t complicated for Maddy though, she knew exactly how she felt about it.
“I called the cafe,” I said. “They said she quit three months ago. Just stopped showing up for work.”
She rolled her eyes. “Of course.”
I’d stopped calling jails and hospitals years ago when this kind of thing happened. Filing a missing person’s report was a waste of time. Amber moved too fast, was too impulsive. She’d go to a concert and climb onto a tour bus and end up across the US. Or she’d meet a guy at a bar and get invited to live on his boat for four months in Florida.
The only time I knew for sure where my mother went was when she’d resurface suddenly. Then I’d get a little peace of mind for a few weeks until she vanished again.
Maddy shook her head. “I wouldn’t worry about it. She’s like black mold, she always comes back.”
She was right. She always did.
But I’d call her landlord anyway. Just in case.
Just in case she left someone behind when she went…
“I don’t understand how that woman made this,” Maddy said, going on, waving a hand over my face. “A fully functional member of society.”
“She had a very different life than I did, Maddy. I don’t think all of it’s her fault.”
“The hell it isn’t. You’re too nice. Try being pissed off for a change.”
I sighed.
This is where we always landed with Mom. Maddy being furious on my behalf and me reminding her that Mom wasn’t all bad. Sometimes she was wonderful.
When my mother was at her best, you could meet her and walk away thinking you’d been in the presence of a Muse or an angel. This witty, enchanting woman who made you feel interesting and special.
When she was at her worst…
Anyway.
I don’t believe anyone is black or white. Amber had been a single parent at eighteen with no family, no money, no support. Maybe her childhood had been like Jenny’s in Forrest Gump, full of abuse and instability. Did she have issues? Yes. Did I believe that there were some people not meant for parenthood—also yes. But who knew what made Amber Amber? I couldn’t begin to guess the demons she fought. I just knew that she did.
When Maddy got up to put the popcorn bowl into the sink, I pulled out my phone like I expected a text from Mom to be waiting for me. There wasn’t. I saw Justin’s number instead, the last call I’d placed. I saved it in my contacts.
I did like his idea, and not just for the good luck charm thing. It would be fun to try it. He seemed nice. I probably would have swiped right and dated him if I’d met him on an app. Minnesota was a problem though. Definitely not one of the states on our list to visit.
Maddy came back and flopped onto the sofa. “So have you given the anniversary thing any thought?”
“What?”
“Janet and Beth’s thirtieth. They’re trying to get an RSVP.”
“I don’t know. I think I’m going to sit this one out.”
Maddy pressed her lips together.
“What?” I said. “It’s hard for both of us to get a week off when we’re under assignment. I’ll stay so you can go.”
“It’s not impossible. You should ask. They want you there. You’re their daughter too.”
I had to look away from her.
Maddy’s moms were my foster parents. They’d wanted to be my real parents, but it just never felt right. I had a mom. And I was fourteen when they got me. The imprinting didn’t take. That’s all I could say about it, it just didn’t take. I cared about them. I called on their birthdays and came back with Maddy for Christmas when we could get it off. They just weren’t… mine. And Maddy knew it. It bothered her. She couldn’t wrap her brain around it and I couldn’t explain it to her in any way that she found acceptable.
She sighed and stood up. “I think I’m gonna meet that IT guy from Tinder for drinks again. Want to come? I can see if he’s got a friend.”
“Nah. I want to finish my book.”
“All right. Don’t wait up. I’m probably going to his place after.”
I arched an eyebrow.
“What?” she said. “This nomad life isn’t exactly conducive to relationships and I’m getting sick of DJing my own party.”
“I’m assuming he’s got a bed frame?”
“You know it.” She started for her room.
“Maddy?”
