When I came back out to the pontoon, Maddy was lying on her back on one of the ratty vinyl seats with a straw hat over her face that she must have found in a storage compartment.
“Hey,” I said.
She whipped the hat off and sat up. “God, finally. What took you so long?” Then she eyed the bucket of roses I was holding. “Uh, what’s that?”
“Mom gave them to me,” I said, setting them into the boat.
“Okay. Random.” She looked back up at me. “Well? What did she say?”
I breathed in deep. “I think it’s going to be okay.”
She looked skeptical. “Okay. Okay how?”
“She’s in therapy. I think she’s trying to be different,” I said.
Her face immediately called bullshit. “Right. So she’s what? Going to squat here until she goes off the rails again and Neil throws her out? Then we get to apologize for her and God knows what the fuck else?”
I blinked at her. “Maddy, what do you want me to do? I can’t control her. I can’t tell her to break it off. And why can’t we just give her the benefit of the doubt for once?”
“Because she sucks? We’re gonna end up paying for the shit she steals and then we get to work with him in the aftermath until we leave.”
“You don’t know that—”
“Yeah, I do. You should warn him. Tell him what she is so he can make an educated decision whether to keep messing with her.”
My jaw set. “No.”
She pulled her face back. “No?”
“No. I’m not going to sabotage her relationship.”
“So you’re okay with him dating a psychopath?”
“Do not call her that!” I snapped.
Maddy looked at me in shock. I never yelled at her.
“You know what?” I said. “Go home without me.”
Her mouth dropped open. “What? Why?”
“I don’t want to see you right now.”
She gawked. “You’re pissed at me?”
“Yeah, I am.” I shook my head at her. “I am so tired of this, Maddy.”
“Then be mad at her! Not at me for pointing her shit out!”
“You think I don’t know?! You think I don’t fucking see that something is wrong with her?”
She blinked at me. I’d never admitted this. Not like this.
I shook my head at her. “You want to warn him, Maddy? Go ahead. Ruin her chances for a normal life with a normal man, send her back out into the universe where I won’t know where she is or if she’s even alive. Go ahead. But I’m not doing it. I’m not going to undo whatever progress she’s made in therapy by throwing her past back in her face and trying to destroy her life when she’s trying to be better. Leave her alone.”
She stared at me, shocked.
I turned and started for the house.
“Emma!”
I kept walking. My eyes started to tear up. I hated fighting with Maddy. We almost never argued. But why wouldn’t she just let me have this? This one thing?
Mom had never been in therapy before. She’d never met a nice guy like this before. Maybe things could be different, and I just wanted Maddy to see that and let me have my stupid, pitiful fucking hope.
I made my way back through the pool area to the French doors off the kitchen to find Mom. But when I got to the door, I saw Neil through the glass.
He must have come home early. He was standing with Mom by the center island beaming at the flowers. Mom was hugging him and he had his hands under her ass.
I pivoted to put my back to the side of the house before they saw me. I squeezed my eyes shut, willing myself not to cry. When I opened them, I could see Maddy already pushing off the dock and heading to the cottage.
I took in a shuddering breath and went down to the pool. I plopped heavily onto a reclining chair by the cold firepit just as thunder rumbled overhead.
I wanted to sob. For half a dozen different reasons, I wanted to sob. I wasn’t going to admit defeat and call Maddy back to come get me. I wasn’t going to be the third wheel with Mom and Neil either. I didn’t have a car, Maddy had the keys.
I swiped at my tears with the side of my hand. I could feel myself getting small. Shrinking into myself the way I always did when something stressful or awful happened. Retreating into my own brain.
When I got like this, I didn’t want to see anyone or talk to anyone. I could shut down for days. Turn off my phone, call out of work, abandon my social media. Not answer the door for anyone or anything, cut off everyone until I felt safe enough to start to let them in again a little at a time. But I had nowhere to vanish.
