I wasn’t home. I didn’t have my wallet or my purse—they were in the boat. I was sitting on a pool chair, out in the open, still wearing my scrubs with a storm rolling in. The sun was going down. In a few minutes the mosquitoes would start to come out.
I sat there, feeling overexposed and getting more and more upset and there was nothing I could do to hide from it and no place to bury myself and nowhere to go. My chin quivered.
Then my phone chirped.
Justin: How was your first day at work?
I sniffled and sent a thumbs-down emoji and put my face in my hands.
My phone started to ring. I raised my head and watched it chime for a few long moments. And I don’t know what part of me decided to answer before I got too small to do it, but I did.
“Hey,” I said. I tried my best not to let him hear the thickness in my throat.
“Hey. What happened? Why was it bad?”
I rubbed my forehead. “It’s a lot to explain.” I paused. “Do you want to have dinner? My night just freed up.”
It wasn’t a quiet room behind a closed door, but it was somewhere to go. I’d be with someone safe and removed from what was happening with Mom and Maddy. And at least I wouldn’t be outside, sitting by a pool, hoping I didn’t set off the motion sensor lights after it got dark.
God.
I had to move the phone away from my mouth because I wanted to cry.
“Yeah, I can totally do dinner,” he said. “But I’m babysitting. I didn’t think I was going to see you, so I told my mom I’d watch Chelsea.”
I felt myself deflate. “Oh. Okay. That’s all right. I’ll just see you—”
“No, come. I’m making spaghetti. We can watch a movie or something. Can you get over here? If not, I can pick you up.”
“Justin… I don’t think I should meet your family.”
He laughed a little. “Why?”
“Because I don’t do that with guys I date.”
“Aw, come on.” He sounded amused. “She’s four. It’s not like you’re meeting my mom. And anyway, I met your mom. What’s the big deal? Besides, I’m not really a guy you’re dating, right? What are the rules for curse-breaking arrangements? I feel like there’s wiggle room.”
I let a small smile crack.
“My dog is here,” he added. “You can meet Brad.”
I did want to meet Brad…
I drew in a long breath through my nose. “You know this isn’t going to count as one of our dates, right?”
“I zero percent care about that.”
I looked up and peered out at the shrinking image of Maddy boating off into the distance. Behind me I heard Mom shriek with laughter from somewhere in the house. I really didn’t want to meet Justin’s family. Not even the four-year-old. It was a rule I didn’t break. Ever.
But I had nowhere else to go and no one to go to. Nowhere to be small.
“Okay. I’ll call an Uber.”
Justin’s mom’s house was a two-story in a quiet suburban neighborhood. There were little butterfly flags in the planters and a red tricycle by the garage. The driveway next to Justin’s car was full of children’s chalk drawings.
This was the kind of house that had a bouncy slide in the backyard during birthday parties and Christmas lights on the holidays. I knew without knowing that on Halloween Justin’s mom handed out candy dressed in a costume while jack-o’-lanterns flickered on the steps, and on Easter she’d hide pastel eggs around the yard.
It was funny, but seeing this brought Justin full circle for me. This is why he was well balanced and level. He’d had a good childhood. I could tell. And I wondered if it was as obvious that I hadn’t.
Justin had come out onto the front porch to meet me when my Uber pulled up. The second I saw him I was glad I came. He wasn’t Mom, and he wasn’t Maddy. He was a break. And he was happy to see me. It was impossible not to feel better when I saw him as I got out of the car.
“Hey,” I said, coming down the walkway.
He went right in and gave me a hug.
It was nothing but friendly. He didn’t hold me for longer than he should. But I found myself sort of wishing he would have. I needed the hug, I realized. And Justin was a really good hugger. Warm and firm, like he’d given and received a lot of hugs in his life.
He was in a T-shirt and jeans. He hadn’t done anything with his hair like he had yesterday. It was shaggy and loose the way it was the day we video called on his walk. I decided I liked this better. It was the kind of hair you wanted to run your fingers through. The kind that came with lazy Sunday mornings and familiarity.
He looked at what I was wearing and smiled. “Scrubs.”
“I came right from work.”
I heard a dog-crying noise from the door and peered around him. Brad was scratching at the screen.
Justin nodded over his shoulder. “Come on. Meet my dog.”
